Engaging in IC romance based on player gender

[Anonymous]

Despite my character being very attractive socially and physically, there has been a definite lack of aggressive pursuit from male characters which, honestly, doesn't seem realistic at all.

No offense, but you can't expect every male PC to find your female PC as attractive as you believe it to be.  Different people will have differing opinions, and act accordingly.  The reasons they are giving you ICly could well be entirely legitimate.  Expecting every male your PC meets to aggressively persue her is unrealistic.

[Cenghiz]

Despite my character being very attractive socially and physically, there has been a definite lack of aggressive pursuit from male characters which, honestly, doesn't seem realistic at all.

IRL, men hunt females. They seek women to have a romantic affair, have sex, get married... anything. Women often compare the men showing interest and pick the best. There are agreessive behaviours of females? It's not _that_ general.

In Zalanthas, male=female. Man doesn't mean sexually agreessive and woman doesn't mean you should be more passive.

So what they're doing was totally in rhyme with the gameworld. There's nothing to change in my opinion.

[Medena]

I am a woman irl and have played one male PC so far. I will probably play more in the future.  I don't really understand why knowing someone's rl gender would make any difference to someone's character interacting with another character.

Just as a side note, I find this interesting:

My burly, unattractive, crotch-scratching female Bynner probably got hit on more in her short life than all of my attractive female PC's put together.

My effeminate, foppish male PC was aggressively pursued by several female PC's.  He found the thought of sex with women repugnant but, since a couple of them gave him gifts, he encouraged them with mild flirtation.

[Armaddict]

I, personally...find relationships/social scenes to be one of the -main- things you can get into with your characters to make them more in-depth, and to provide other facets of your character's life to keep them entertaining when other things are not available for such.  Noble house guards in relationships makes them interesting for -far- longer, in my opinion.

That being said, I've had a lot of situations where I've thought about 'gender bending'.  Like Venomz said...

I, as a male, have a really hard time seeing myself playing a romantic relationship, gay or straight, with another male player.

This is why, in general, I prefer just to -not know- the gender of the player.  I have and still do sometimes engage in sexual role-play with consent, and no, it's not because I can get off on it or anything.  Characters intimate with your own get to see a situation where a lot about your character can be revealed...those scenes really can be exposing to the 'mentality' of your character.  Submissive, dominating, selfless, selfish, loving, lustful...whatever.

If it's faded to black, that stuff can be discussed.  If it's played out, it can be displayed.

More akin to the original topic...I -do- see a trend that's somewhat visible with this sort of thing, but I also kind of understand it.  A straight guy is -extremely- uncomfortable, generally, playing out that sort of scene, or even hinting at it, with a woman.  The discussion is easier.  If you do let it slip that you're a female player, the guy suddenly knows...hey...it's a relationship opportunity that I know won't be freakishly weird if I find something out later on.

Not to say that there aren't some people who really...-really-...like the sex scene, but it's not always the case.  Sometimes...it's just a matter of comfort.

That being said...yes, I have had characters in relationships with men who played women.  And some of them were awesome.  Finding out a little weird, but a lot of the time the integrity of the game is all that matters, and there are more players than you think that can take that with a little maturity.  Thankfully...I don't -think- I've ever gone into role-play with a male player that would -freak me out-.  But not knowing is the best way to go, because you don't really need to think about it, and the character's mentality can flow.

[bloodfromstone]

I was once told, straight up, by another player that they would have shot for a relationship with my female character if they had not known I was a male player. It's sad, but it happens.

Personally, I have no problems playing out romantic interest between any combination of genders, player and character alike. I have played a female character involved with men, a male involved with a women, and a man involved with a man, etc. As a few others have said, it's all about the characters, not the players. Personally, I feel the hetreosexual, men hunting women sort of relationships out there is very over-represented, but maybe that's just me.

[Gimfalisette]

I, personally...find relationships/social scenes to be one of the -main- things you can get into with your characters to make them more in-depth, and to provide other facets of your character's life to keep them entertaining when other things are not available for such.  Noble house guards in relationships makes them interesting for -far- longer, in my opinion.

I definitely agree with this. Most characters will probably have some kind of "facade" and some kind of "real me," but how is the "real me" ever going to get out there without relationships? Yes, sometimes those can be platonic friendships. But sometimes they should also be romantic/sexual relationships, because those create the potential for more layers of personality to be revealed. My best girlfriend in RL does not know many of the things that my husband knows about me, even though I love her and trust her--there are just things that I would never reveal to her. (No, not just kinky stuff )

Also, relationships can facilitate a discovery process about your character. Your character's IC boss is probably not gonna ask what your char's hopes, dreams, and fears are; a lover is much more likely to do that, and to say "hey let's work together toward that." Needing to be able to answer those questions about the interior life of the character forces the player to create, or call up a more detailed interior life. Or maybe your character doesn't have big dreams--then hooking up with another character that does can provide opportunities for RP.

Another thing that relationships potentially do is to drag your character away from his/her IC duties or personal IC goals. This can create fun conflicts--"Damn, I'm in trouble again because I skipped XYZ in order to spend time with them" or "I'll never move up in rank if I don't spend less time with this person, maybe I'll dump them for a while."

[Gimfalisette]

I was once told, straight up, by another player that they would have shot for a relationship with my female character if they had not known I was a male player. It's sad, but it happens.

Personally, I have no problems playing out romantic interest between any combination of genders, player and character alike. I have played a female character involved with men, a male involved with a women, and a man involved with a man, etc. As a few others have said, it's all about the characters, not the players. Personally, I feel the hetreosexual, men hunting women sort of relationships out there is very over-represented, but maybe that's just me.

Well...I guess then it does happen, as I thought, at times. Bummer.

About heterosexual men-hunting-women relationships happening too much: Probably so. Like I said earlier, I think everyone should be hunting everyone that their character would be interested in ICly. Fix the sexism by making everyone more aggressive

[mansa]

The best mudsex I ever encountered was with another male player.  Damn that girl was smokin', though.

[Gimfalisette]

The best mudsex I ever encountered was with another male player.  Damn that girl was smokin', though.

You wrote the name on the bathroom wall but you didn't leave the phone number. That sucks.

[Morfeus]

Despite my character being very attractive socially and physically, there has been a definite lack of aggressive pursuit from male characters which, honestly, doesn't seem realistic at all. There has been a lot of flirting and suggesting, but not even much leaning toward anything more. Typical attitudes of male characters toward love/sex seem to fall into the "my work keeps me too busy" or "I'm a desert ranger loner" or "I prefer whores" buckets. Note: If that is IC for your character, -fine-. Go ahead and stick with that, that's good.

IMHO, if most of players act some way, it does not have to be because most of players do sometime "wrong". I like approaching such things more ICly - perhaps your character is not as attractive as you think? How would she react on all this, would she be disappointed? Losing her self-confidence? Losing interest in men? I think this approach is much more fun than something like: "My character is so attractive and if nobody wants to f*** her it is because everyone is unrealistic and odd."

[Gimfalisette]

IMHO, if most of players act some way, it does not have to be because most of players do sometime "wrong". I like approaching such things more ICly - perhaps your character is not as attractive as you think? How would she react on all this, would she be disappointed? Losing her self-confidence? Losing interest in men? I think this approach is much more fun than something like: "My character is so attractive and if nobody wants to f*** her it is because everyone is unrealistic and odd."

A couple of posters have proffered the theory that perhaps my character is not actually attractive. Since I'm the one playing her, not the one playing the other characters, obviously I don't have a definitive answer on that. However, if I look at this from an "if this was a real world" standpoint--it doesn't make a lot of sense for there to be -so- much very heavy flirting and "I'd like to get you into bed" discussion if there was no attraction present. Unless Zalanthan people are extremely different from Earth people, this level of flirtation should signal sexual/romantic interest. The times in my life when I've been flirted with like that have always meant the other person actually was interested in me and wanted to pursue something "more."

My point from the beginning has been: Discovery or assumption of RL gender should -not- influence whether your character "goes for it." If they're wired to go for it, they should; and if not, they shouldn't. It's about realistic roleplay based on the character and events, not OOC info.

[moab]

Gotta keep this in mind:

Take someone to bed (alone) and you are a perfect assassination target.

It's a serious deal if it's more than a romp in a tent outdoors.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I play cross-gender often.

More often than not, in fact.

[Fnord]

I'd bet one large that 90% of lesbian mud sex on Arm is two guys playing female characters, having a special Brokeback Shield Wall moment together. I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.  :twisted:

[Intrepid]

I'd bet one large that 90% of lesbian mud sex on Arm is two guys playing female characters, having a special Brokeback Shield Wall moment together. I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread.  :twisted:

That means that the other10% of that was actually the other two female players I
knew of (back when I knew players on Isca) having threesomes with me...

[John]

That means that the other10% of that was actually the other two female players I
knew of (back when I knew players on Isca) having threesomes with me...

Nope. It means it's one man and one woman I'd say the amount of times it's two women players would be statistically insignificant.

[Flirty Kank]

Not everyone who flirts does it because they want to get someone into bed.  It might be purely for fun, to tease, as a way of being friendly, flattery to get something else...  The trick is to figure out what the other person really wants from you.

I am an incorrigible flirt IRL, and quite often my flirting has been mistaken for wanting to get someone in bed.

[Intrepid]

Nope. It means it's one man and one woman I'd say the amount of times it's two women players would be statistically insignificant.

Umm, no...I knew the players outside of mud and had talked to them on the phone,
John.  The gender was quite obvious.

[Kennath]

Nope. It means it's one man and one woman I'd say the amount of times it's two women players would be statistically insignificant.

Umm, no...I knew the players outside of mud and had talked to them on the phone,
John.  The gender was quite obvious.

Lucky kank...

-Ken

[Adhira]

I agree that RL information or knowledge should not change a pcs actions, in any situation. Be it finding out that the hot girl is a dude sitting at the computer, or learning that everyone following Sergeant Dopeyhead just dropped off the shield wall and you're about to follow - it's what's ic for the character, then do it.

However, just because pcs are flirting a lot and not doing the deed also does not automatically compute to them only wanting to RP with the opposite sex.

I've had pcs that have flirted a lot. You would have sworn they wanted in your pants. But really they wanted you to like them, not kill them, they wanted your sid, they wanted your sekrits, they wanted something - sex? Meh.

Like everything on Zalanthas most people have a reason behind what they do, it just might not be the obvious one.  Flirting is much more useful as a tool than just a means to get a little something something.

[spawnloser]

Yeah, but flirting to get a little something something is the best use for flirting.  

Seriously, I play nearly half and half as far as gender goes for my characters.  About half of each is interested in getting some play.  It always seems to be the other half that get attention from the same/opposite gender.

[Akaramu]

Is it me, or is every female player's first (or first few) character(s) based on the concept of being pretty / cute and getting lots of attention?

p.s. I was no exception  :oops:

[Melody]

For me, yes, I create a pretty, attention seeking character with some flaw for every mud I start with.

I don't know about others, but personally, I found it the best way to get to know the mud, the people, and everything else using a character that doesn't shy away from interactions. Granted, others have different approaches, but for me, it's the easiest and laziest way, rather than die over 10 times to find out approaching nobles is bad for your health, such violence puts me off the game on a permanent basis when I'm trying out a game for the first time. Simply because the goal is to get a feel for the game and whether or not I wish to stay in the environment, not to waste time making tons of characters and waiting for approval.

Edit: I think I derailed by accident. As for the original question, I think females don't mind it as much as male, I might be wrong, of course. I certainly don't care which gender is the player behind the character. On the other hand, I detest playing male characters, for a variety of reasons. Too attached to playing characters that are lesss than beautiful and magnificent. Must be.

[Larrath]

Is it me, or is every female player's first (or first few) character(s) based on the concept of being pretty / cute and getting lots of attention?

Virtually everyone does it in the earlier stages of roleplaying.  Well, females tend to go with the super-pretty woman (who may or may not be frail) and males tend to go with super-pretty, heroic warriors or mages.
In a way, I think it's just part of the natural development of the roleplaying mindset.  You know, like the demonic rituals every other Friday and the virgin sacrifices.

The thread itself seems to be about people making an OOC distinction between male or female characters based on the gender of their players.  This is a bad thing to do.  If you ever feel uncomfortable playing out a sex scene, just fade to black.  That's what consent is for.

About flirtation - yeah, people don't always want sex.  Also, if one character appears to be too pretty and/or wanton, they might get looked at as an f-me PC and simply not treated as seriously.  And what can I say?
Once I had a character with very low self esteem.  He was somewhat deformed and alone and unloved.  And then a character I identified as an f-me came by, dragged this character by the proverbial collar and romped with him, paying little apparent attention to stuff like, say, how the room started glowing at one point.  My character couldn't get out of sleeping with her, but I as a player decided that it will have a reduced impact on him; I didn't like the idea that my character has to have a giant shift in outlook because of some random encounter with an f-me.
That could have also been because of bitterness at a handful of characters, some twinky and some not, who attacked and attempted to kill my character at random, without interaction and with little sense.

Anyhow, that was my mentality at the time.  And even though he had that one bit of steamy sex, he stayed timid and shy around the girl that he liked.  If I had to change/stop that sort of roleplay with the girl, which was consistent and very enjoyable for me, because a supermodel-class f-me picked my deformed character, I would have felt cheated.

All this said, my mentality was not ideal and I could have handled the f-me, the sexual encounter and the emotional aftermath differently and without trying to downplay the 'lesser' player's actions.  I still think this downplaying is common among a goodly portion of the game populace, and I can certainly understand it.

[Cuusardo]

Is it me, or is every female player's first (or first few) character(s) based on the concept of being pretty / cute and getting lots of attention?

p.s. I was no exception  :oops:

It's just you.  My first PC was a shy wallflower that was a virgin until she was 30 years old.