Dear Amosa (advice for the rp challenged and the lovelorn)

[Zoan]

Everyone knows women don't wear pants.

[Delirium]

Women wear skirts, so it's easier to have a quickie.

[bcw81]

Women wear skirts, so it's easier to have a quickie.

Wrong. Women wear dresses so all they have to do is remove one item of clothing to be nekkit.

[Harmless]

Women wear skirts, so it's easier to have a quickie.

Wrong. Women wear dresses so all they have to do is remove one item of clothing to be nekkit.

You're both wrong. Women wear skirts and dresses so that they can quickly and easily disrobe for the purposes of having sex.

[Zoan]

Something something baby chute.

[Zoan]

GET BACK ON TOPIC.

[Barzalene]

Dear Amosa:
I finally had to write. After years of carrying this shame I had to tell someone. I was born into a wealthy and famous family. I work in sales in an outpost. My secret shame is this - I don't like spice and I don't want to smoke it any more. What should I do?
Signed,
Lucid in Luirs.

[James de Monet]

Dear Amosa:
I finally had to write. After years of carrying this shame I had to tell someone. I was born into a wealthy and famous family. I work in sales in an outpost. My secret shame is this - I don't like spice and I don't want to smoke it any more. What should I do?
Signed,
Lucid in Luirs.

Dear Lucid,

Remember how you're rich enough to have furniture? Pack your dressed drawers with sachets of krentakh. Voila! You'll always smell like you were just blazing the family goods, without having to light up.

Or...tell everyone that you've gotten really into qel, the begin to touch them awkwardly. Rub your face on them. After a few days of this, everyone will be genuinely happy when you decide to "cut back".

Or...you know...snort it.

Signed,
Begladyouarne'taRedFangpariah

[Evoru]

Dear Lucid,

Your problem here is that you're clearly poor at pushing the product. If you sold it all, you wouldn't have any stock around to worry about smoking.

Complain to your friends that the merchandise moves so quickly you never get to smoke anymore. Let them feel bad for you and buy you gifts of spice.

Repackage the presents as new merchandise and sell it again.

Problem solved!

Signed,

Lady Whyhaven'tyoumetyourquota

[Heade]

Dear Sandy,

Ambush one of your recalcitrant friends in their apartment and confront them about the issue of them leaving you out of the things they are doing.

Now, hear me out.  If you don't have access to their apartment, acquire access.  This may mean hiring someone to break in, or it may mean that you have to break in on your own.  Regardless, you may run the risk of being caught, so you will need to butter up your local templarate and soldierbase in advance (depending on the city, I recommend getting licensed for such activity).   Once you get inside, wait for them and let them know how much you care.

If they hear you out and agree, you're now involved.
If they hear you out and disagree, you've created your own plotting just to see if you could break into their circle--why do you need them anyway?  Go find a new circle of friends.  Heck, kill this one and cover it up, and pretend you know nothing about it, and deal with the turmoil of having killed a friend.  You've forced your way into that circle's life.  If they still refuse to get involved with you, repeat the process with another member of the circle of friends.  If you run out of friends because you've killed them all because they won't hang out with you, they were right not to hang out with you.  You're a damned murdering psychopath.  I hope you're happy.

Of course, if they move right ahead and try to kill you for breaking into their apartment, you try to kill 'em right back.

Yours,

Sneaky Spice

Pretty sure this is the most entertaining post I've ever seen from Nyr.

[Barzalene]

Dear Amosa,
Recently I set myself on the path to power and domination. Things are going well. The sid is rolling in. I set my mom up with an apartment with a balcony. I'm dressed to the nines and half my garments have hidden sheaths. What I'm saying is that business is good.

Here's the thing. My mates won't kiss me in the mouth any more. Are they jealous of my power? This is embarrassing, but can necromancy make your breath stink? Can a salt water gargle help?

In urgency,
Anonymous

[Norcal]

Dear Anonilzaimos,

I suggest killing your mates, and reanimating them, and ordering them to kiss you..pretty much wherever you want.  If that does not work, I would try the salt-water.

[shadeoux]

Dear Anonilzaimos,

I suggest killing your mates, and reanimating them, and ordering them to kiss you..pretty much wherever you want.  If that does not work, I would try the salt-water.

^^
This made me blow soda out my nose.

[Delirium]

Dear Amosa,
Recently I set myself on the path to power and domination. Things are going well. The sid is rolling in. I set my mom up with an apartment with a balcony. I'm dressed to the nines and half my garments have hidden sheaths. What I'm saying is that business is good.

Here's the thing. My mates won't kiss me in the mouth any more. Are they jealous of my power? This is embarrassing, but can necromancy make your breath stink? Can a salt water gargle help?

In urgency,
Anonymous

Get rid of your mates (I suggest using them for an experiment of some sort - no reason to waste a good corpse). Trust me, if you think it's bad now, just wait until you start craving well-rotted meat and the aroma of the grave becomes your favorite perfume. It's only going to get worse - they simply won't be able to understand how wonderful these things are.

Replace with a mate whose own ruthless or sociopathic nature allows them to sacrifice everything and become pseudo-undead - you don't want to go full undead as they'll inevitably begin to rot, and that causes problems in the sack. Voila! They will be able to appreciate your new sensibilities and may even thoughtfully serve you moldy erdlu eggs for breakfast.

[AdamBlue]

Dear Amosa
Oh my god, oh my fucking god, we are writing words on a piece of actual paper? This is amazing! Why don't we all learn how to write, it would make things so much easier. Letters, parchments, keeping track of orders, wow, this is so neat, I am so glad my noble friend showed me this stuff. Though, I have not seen them for a few days, and I heard they got into trouble, so hopefully they will be


[THE REST OF THE LETTER IS SPLATTERED IN BLOOD]

[Barzalene]

Dear Amosa:
Sometimes I sit alone in taverns no one talks to me. Even the vnpc elves won't rob me. Is it because I smell of sweat and dust? Is it because I forgot to vote?
Signed,
Stinky

[Reiloth]

Dear Amosa:
Sometimes I sit alone in taverns no one talks to me. Even the vnpc elves won't rob me. Is it because I smell of sweat and dust? Is it because I forgot to vote?
Signed,
Stinky

Stinky --

A vote for the Sanders Lord is a vote for Trumptolnes. It's likely you should become a part of the #CommonersLivesMatter movement in order to gain politically correct mojo. The elves will surely rob you then.

-Bill "Black Robe" Clintontolnes Jr

[Miradus]

An old thread about necromancy got necro'd.

If we can figure out a way to get necromancy into it again now, we're into fractal necromancy.

[Chettaman]

Dear Amosa,

Sometimes I have no idea how to live according to standards ICly and/or OOCly.
Sometimes I think I'm wrong about everything, or that I'm actually insane. ICly and/or OOCly.
But then I notice so many patterns or just things that prove that I'm right about all those things. But what if it's just my insane brain somehow lying to myself...?
Sometimes I think I should stop being myself and be like everyone else ICly and/or OOCly.

After so much experience with these thoughts, I decided it would be safer if I "reclused" more and affected the world only slightly if at all. This way I could still be myself, have no qualms and I wouldn't compare myself to everyone else after being so very annoyed by them.

Do you ever feel like this? What do you do?

- Piercing the Heavens for as long as possible,
Ranger Riding Bare Back

[Barzalene]

Ranger,
I don't know what ickly or ookcly mean, but if you lock yourself away and talk funny, someone is bound to call you a witch and then it all goes south.
My advice is to go to a bar, get drunk and buy some whores. That fixes most problems, except for sand fleas and crotch rot.
Good luck with that,
Amosa