Comedic Scenarios

[Synthesis]

I've seen a lot of really funny quasi-code reenactment posts over the years.

Search through your past posts and post yours here!

Sparring Dummies For the Win

In The Desert [NESW]
This is somewhere in the middle of the desert. It's hot,
and there's sand all over the place, as far as the eye
can see.
The immense, dark-skinned half-giant is standing here, holding a sand-filled sparring dummy.
The figure in a hooded blue templar's robe is standing here.
A human Allanaki soldier is standing here.

> l w

West of here, the desert stretches out to the horizon.
[Very far]
Nothing.
[Far]
A small unit of Tuluki infantry is assembled here.
A unit of half-giant Tuluki infantry looms here.
The tall, war-braided Jihaen templar is standing here.
[Near]
Nothing.



Peering up at him, the figure in a hooded blue templar's robe says to the immense, dark-skinned half-giant, in sirihish:
    "Private, release the decoy. When they commence the attack, we will flank and destroy them."

Nodding, the immense, dark-skinned half-giant says, in sirihish:
    "Okay, Lord Templar."

The immense, dark-skinned half-giant releases a sand-filled sparring dummy and roughly shoves it west.

> l w

West of here, the desert stretches out to the horizon.
[Very far]
Nothing.
[Far]
Nothing.
[Near]
A small unit of Tuluki infantry is here, fighting a sand-filled sparring dummy.
A unit of half-giant Tuluki infantry is here, fighting a sand-filled sparring dummy.
The tall, war-braided Jihaen templar is here, fighting a sand-filled sparring dummy.

The figure in a hooded blue templar's robe taps his fingers together, a wicked smile creeping across his lips.

Reaching for his jade-emblazoned, ivory-hilted obsidian greatsword, the figure in a hooded blue templar's robe says, in sirhish:
    "Excellent.  Everything is proceeding according to plan."

Turning to his three minions, the figure in a hooded blue templar's robe exclaims, in sirihish:
    "Today, we honor the Highlord with a glorious victory! Charge!"

The figure in a hooded blue templar's robe unslings a jade-emblazoned, ivory-hilted obsidian greatsword from his back.

Leading a charge across the sands, the figure in a hooded blue templar's robe runs west.
The immense, dark-skinned half-giant runs west.
A human Allanaki soldier runs west.
You follow the figure in a hooded blue templar's robe and run west.

Your Girl Loves the New All.<x> Code

> put all.long box

You put your long branch of agafari in a box.
>

You put your long branch of agafari in a box.
>

You put your long branch of agafari in a box.
>

You put your dick in a box.

Blackmoon Cotton Enterprises, LLC

The squat mul has arrived from the east, sprinting in.
The enormous half-giant has arrived from the east.
The tall, muscular man has arrived from the east.
The squat, muscular dwarf has arrived from the east.

The enormous half-giant begins guarding the west exit.
The tall, muscular man begins guarding the east exit.
The squat, muscular dwarf begins guarding the north exit.

The squat mul subdues you, despite your attempts to struggle away.

The squat mul says, in sirihish:
    "forage cotton"

Graphical Armageddon!

The burly, ape-like man says, out of character:
    "That kick looked sort of like this:"

Managerial Restructuring, Allanaki-Style

In the chambers of the Allanaki Senate....

The tall, well-groomed templar strides to the stage, a bundle of parchment scrolls tucked beneath one arm.

The tall, well-groomed templar takes his place behind a lectern, carefully unrolling a scroll with the soft rustle of crackling parchment.

Smoothing out his parchment scroll, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Ladies and Lords of Allanak!"

After glancing down briefly to his parchment scroll, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "I bear grievous news. Our advanced marketing research scouts have returned from the environs of the Gol Krathu."

The tall, well-groomed templar clears his throat and peers around, allowing the pronouncment to sink in.

After the dramatic pause, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Let it be known that this, the 199th day of the Low Sun, in the Year of Dragon's Anger, the 50th of the 21st age...our Great Lord's city has lost ten percent market share to the northern barbarians of Tuluk!"

As low murmurs of disbelief and horror echo across the chamber, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "What we are in need of is an aggressive new campaign!"

Raising a finger to the ceiling as he rambles on, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Through synergistic coordination and a new team-based approach, the scribes of Houses Valika and Sath have formulated a fresh, modern business model that will truly bring our Great Lord Tektolnes' city into 21st age, and beyond!"

Returning to the lectern to glance at his parchment scroll, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Focus-grouping has revealed that 75 percent of commoners find the name 'Oash' difficult to pronounce!  Furthermore 90 percent of those interviewed associate the name 'Fale' with its unfortunate homonym, and 55 percent of commoners interviewed believe that the names 'Kasix' and 'Valika' sound too harsh, and make the city sound much too aggressive and dangerous."

Grimly clutching at the sides of the lectern, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Rest assured, one-hundred percent of commoners interviewed were executed shortly thereafter."

Clasping his hands behind his back as he paces across the stage, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Nevertheless, the fact remains!  If the Allanaki brand is to thrive well into the next Age, something must be done to recapture market share from the barbarians of the Gol Krathu!"

The tall, well-groomed templar snaps his fingers, and a trio of slaves scurry from the wings, unfurling a long, embroidered banner behind him.

Spreading his arms wide, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "Behold the aggressive new House re-branding campaign!"

Gesturing to the long, embroidered banner, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "House Value-ka! To capitalize on the association with the word value!  House Flash! To avoid confusing phonemes and add a sense of dynamism!

Continuing on, the tall, well-groomed templar says, in sirihish:
    "And finally...House Wyn! To imbue the House with positive energy and association with a contagious new meme that is spreading amongst the populace!"

The tall, well-groomed templar clasps his hands behind himself and rocks back on his heels, looking over the assembly with a smug grin as he allows the message to sink in.

A black-dyed bone throwing knife flies in from above, striking the tall, well-groomed templar in the head.
A parchment scroll flutters to the ground as the tall, well-groomed templar releases it.
The tall, well-groomed templar's eyes roll back in his head.
The tall, well-groomed templar crumples to the ground.

You hear a woman's voice shout, from above:
    "Enough of this nonsense!"

Somebody Shit on the Coats!

> hide
You search for a good place to hide
>
You attempt to hide yourself
> hemote squats in a corner, tugging his trousers down around his ankles
The figure in a hooded sandcloth greatcloak squats in a corner, tugging his trousers down around his ankles.
> palm feces sack
You palm a messy pile of feces from your leather rucksack.
>hemote squeezes out a messy, steaming pile of poo, the turd snaking into a coil as it's dispensed from his anus
The figure in a hooded sandcloth greatcloak squeezes out a messy, steaming pile of poo, the turd snaking into a coil as it's dispensed from his anus.
> plant feces room
You carefully set a messy pile of feces down.

Allanaki Road Rage

>
On the North Road
This is a white stone road running east and west.  It is bordered by sandy crescent dunes to the south, and the edge of the Shield Wall to the north.
A war beetle is here, carrying the tall, muscular man on its back.

(From the point of view of the tall, muscular man...)

> With a low rumble, the short, muscular man has arrived from the west, riding a sandy-brown inix, hauling ass down the narrow stretch of road.

> The short, muscular man swerves dangerously close to your beetle as he changes lanes to avoid a huge sink-hole in the road.

> You think:
    "That sum'bitch cut me off!"

> You feel your mind cloud as you enter a murderous rage.

> A sandy-brown inix runs east, carrying the short, muscular man on its back.

> You draw an obsidian longsword.

> You slap a war beetle on its back, speeding it up to a run.

> Feeling outraged, you think:
    "Somebody's gonna die!"

Wet = Cool?

An alternative to cool I used with my previous pc was 'wet', it caught on pretty well and some of the folks that were around him more often starting using it as well. Dude is WAY too jarring though.

> Licking his lips as he looks her over, the tall, muscular man says to the lithe, tawny-skinned woman, in sirihish:
  "Damn girl, you're so wet."

Don't 'kros me, Bro!

I like the term Elkrosian better than Elkran. Elkran makes me think of large, deerlike animals. Elkrosians are the Zalanthas' taser mages.

> Struggling in the clutches of the short, muscular woman and the buzz-cut, muscular man, the scrawny young man shouts, in sirihish:
    "Don't 'kros me, bro!"

Let the Good Times Roll!

I only use, "Merci beaucoup" and "a la carte", myself.

> As he rides through the gates at the head of a formation of brown-clad mercenaries, the man wearing a black beret shouts, in northern-accented sirihish:
    "Laissez bon temps roulez!"

Imagine...

I would love a "Ithink" for image think or some other close option to that. Though feel seems to work enough for me.

Ditto. I know it's been brought up before by others, but some kind of "imagine"/"visualize" command to handle things like this seems like the perfect complement to think and feel.

> imagine (like it was easy) there's no heaven...no hell below us...above us only sky.

> Feeling like it was easy, you imagine:
    ...there's no heaven...no hell below us...above us only sky.

> imagine all the people, living for today

> You imagine:
    ...all the people, living for today.

Bestiary or Dictionary?

If you have a legitamet gripe, explain your opinion, but don't post solely to draw attention to only return hours and days later to continue posting for farewells.

No doubt someone will feel the need to quote this and make some smart-ass comment, so feel free, my opinion still stands.

Legitamet                                                                          (General)
A rare cousin to the gargantuan bahamet, these enormous, tortoise-like...

How to Beat the 'rinth and Win Armageddon

The 'rinth needs more things to do.

>backstab rat

>backstab elf

>backstab boy

>backstab man

>backstab dwarf

>backstab mul

>backstab giant

>backstab tektolnes

>get power-up

>win game

The tall, muscular Brytta.leofa

A character who talks like brytta posts.

At your table, the tall muscular man says, in sirihish:
    "for(char **p = LDESC_RESERVED; p; p++) if (!strcmp(ldesc, *p)) ch->karma = ch->karma ? ch->karma-1 : 0;"

Scan Party!

Haha, I know a couple of stretches along the North Road that are suddenly going to be getting a LOT more traffic.

"Hey, Amos."
"Hey, Malik."
"What's going on?"
"Looking."
"For what?"
"I dunno, just looking."
Malik squints off into the undergrowth and says, "Yeah, shrubs are nice this time of year, aren't they."
"Hey, you see that?"
"Nah, let me look a few more times."
"Yeah, it's definitely something."
"Well, I figure I'm about all looked out."
"You comin' back out to get some lookin' done tomorrow?"
"You betcha."
"Call it a date, then."

Amos Kills a Defiler

Quote from: Archbaron on December 21, 2008, 08:33:07 PM
Quote from: mansa on December 21, 2008, 02:14:12 PM
Someone saved Allanak with it, and every 20-40 minutes, when allanak gets saved again, it gets reloaded.
I can't be the only one who imagined Amos killing defilers with a mug.

Earlier in the day...

The tall, muscular man fills a reddish clay mug from a filthy, foul-smelling pool.
The tall, muscular man thinks:
    "This shit never gets old, hahaha."

At the bar...

>plant mug defiler
You quietly approach your target...
You plant a shit mug on the scary, brazen defiler.

The scary, brazen defiler lifts his reddish clay mug, smirking confidently at the hard-nosed templar.

Before tossing back the contents of his reddish clay mug, the scary, brazen defiler says, in tatlum:
    "Xeiyk ik rhd aae ade aea, lkeve ko Keloznexz."
   
The scary, brazen defiler drinks raw sewage from a reddish clay mug.
The scary, brazen defiler doubles over, emptying his stomach contents.
The scary, brazen defiler doubles over, emptying his stomach contents.
The scary, brazen defiler doubles over, emptying his stomach contents.
Shaking his fist at the ceiling, the scary, brazen defiler shouts, in sirihish:
    "Damn you shit mugs!!!"
*beep*

Armageddon First Aid

>forage airway obstruction
You begin searching for an airway obstruction

>You look around, but don't find anything.

Epic Emote

As the candle on the bedside table begins to flicker, the last remnants of waxy fuel being inexorably consumed by the waning, insatiable flame poised atop the blackened wick, the wavy-tressed, slender maiden pauses her improvisation.  A harmonic tone hangs poignantly in the room as she slides her slender, calloused fingers up the neck of the lute, finally dampened as she lifts the instrument from her lap, setting it delicately atop the disheveled bedsheets.  Turning toward you, she slides down from the bed, the tandu-embroidered hem of her shift rising up to expose smooth, milky-white thighs.

Two Twinks Meet On the North Road

>The tall, lanky raider enters the room.
>The tall, lanky raider begins threatening you!
>Holding your hands up, you say, in sirihish, "I don't want no trouble, man."
>The tall, lanky raider says, in sirihish, "Then drop your pack, holmes."
>Resting your hands on your hips, you say, in sirihish, "Now why exactly would I do that?"
>The tall, lanky raider says, in sirihish, "Because if you don't, I'll cut you.  And if you try to flee, I'll get -three- freebie cuts on you that will totally fuck you up."
>Holding a finger up, you say, in sirihish, "Aha, but I have no intention of fleeing! If you initiate combat with me, you'll lose your threat bonus, imbecile!  It's a catch-22! You haven't solved a damn thing by holding out that longsword at me, because I can stalemate you here indefinitely until you tire of it and forfeit your threat posture!"
>Facepalming himself, the tall, lanky raider says, in sirihish, "Egads, you're right. Well, I suppose I'll have to cut you, because if I tarry here too long, you're liable to contact some friends or authority figures to come and bail you out.  En garde!"

Is My Penis Hanging Out?

Is there a way to determine if your PC is giving off such a message to the world around them?

tell man Hey, can you tell what this bulge under my dustcloak is?

RL Crafting Skillz!

>craft bullshiat speculation hearsay

You could make an internets drama out of that.

Tor Scorpions or USMC?

Leaning over the skinny, bespectacled private, the tall, lanky corporal shouts, in English:
 "What the FUCK is wrong with your chevrons, ass face?!  Did you fucking get a fucking memo that said "sand your chevrons down before morning formation?" How many fucking times do I have to tell you to paint that shit or buy new ones before you show up for formation!?"

Glancing over to the pudgy, zit-faced lance corporal, the tall, lanky corporal shouts, in English:
 "Oh my fucking GOD! You still have shit on your boots from the FIELD?! That was four fucking days ago, you dirty piece of shit!  Did you forget to take a fucking shower too?!"

Leaning out of his second-story office window, the white-haired old sergeant major shouts, in English:
    "Goddamnit, is that Weapons Company again!? Get that fucking formation off my grass!"

[Synthesis]

Ha, I hit the 20000 character limit.  Here are more:

Elves Don't Ride!

The lean, muscular elf says, in allundean:
     "What are you talking about riding?  I'm merely sitting on top of it while it's walking!

Look East: You See a Deadline for 2.Armageddon

>throw attempt June 1 2007 east
You take aim at your target...
>
You hurl a valiant attempt east.
>
To the east you see:
A valiant attempt flies in from the west and strikes the ground.

Subclass Physician

Holding his hands up, the beady-eyed, frail man exclaims, in sirihish:
     "Hold on! Does he have insurance?"

8-Ball Psionics

>i
You are carrying:
a black, magick eight-ball
>es ball
You hold a black, magick eight-ball.
>shake ball
You shake a black, magick eight-ball.
>think Is this thread going to be moved to Idle OOC chatter?
You think:
     "Is this thread going to be moved to Idle OOC chatter?"
>
A foreign presence contacts your mind.
>
A black, magick eight-ball sends you a telepathic message:
     "My sources say yes."
>

Is This thing Armor or a Shield?

The dusty half-elf ranger says to the scrawny young kid, in sirihish:
   "Hey, kid, I'll give ya 10 'sid to try and hit me with that knife. I wanna see if I can actually block with this here buckler."

A Strange Shadow is Here

*A strange shadow is here*
>l shadow
You do not see that here.
>l
*A strange shadow is here*
>l shadow
You do not see that here.
>l shadow
You do not see 'shadow' here.
>l shadow
You do not see that here.
>think Arrrrgh!
You think:
    "Arrrrgh!"
>l shadow
You do not see that here.
>l shadow
You do not see 'shadow' here.
>l
*A strange shadow is here*
>l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
l shadow
You look up at someone...
>

T-N-T, Dyn-O-Mite!

>hold packet
You hold a small packet of flash powder.
>i
You are carrying:
a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow
an agafari longbow
>trap arrow
You carefully pack a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow with flash powder.
>ass -v arrow
You test its weight and decide that you could use it.
It would be too small to wear on your back.
A heavy, chitin-tipped arrow seems to be a piercing weapon.
A heavy, chitin-tipped arrow is packed with flash powder.
>es bow
You hold an agafari longbow.
>ep arrow
You brandish a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow.
>fire bow duskhorn e
You steady yourself and take aim...
You fire a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow east.
You see a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow strike a graceful duskhorn's body.
You hear a loud explosion from the east!
You hear someone's death cry from nearby.
>say Bladow!
You say, in sirihish:
     "Bladow!"
>

Alternatively...

>hold powder
You hold a small packet of flash powder.
>i
You are carrying:
a heavy, hollow glass sphere
>trap sphere
You deftly pack a heavy, hollow glass sphere with flash powder.
>hold sphere
You hold a heavy, hollow glass sphere.
>l e
To the east is a crowded tavern.
[Near]
the tall muscular man is standing here.
>shout Grenade!
You shout, in sirihish:
     "Grenade!"
>throw sphere muscular e
You steady yourself and take aim...
You throw a heavy, hollow glass sphere east.
You see a heavy, hollow glass sphere strike the tall muscular man's body.
You hear a loud explosion from the east!
You hear someone's death cry from nearby.
You are now wanted!
A human soldier has arrived from the west.
A human soldier has arrived from the west.
A human soldier shouts, in sirihish:
    "Submit criminal, or there will be bloodshed!"
A human soldier attempts to subdue you, but you wrestle away.
A human soldier draws an obsidian longsword.
A human soldier draws an obsidian shortsword.
A human soldier slashes your head, nicking you.
A human soldier solidly pierces your body.
A human soldier joins a human soldier's fight!
A human soldier slashes your head.
You swiftly dodge a human soldier's pierces.
>flee w
>flee w
>flee w
>flee w

A Krathi's Companion

>order fire follow fiery
A small brush fire falls in behind you.

Skill: Melt

When I first saw this, I thought of it as a bard skill:

The long-haired, skinny bard melts your face with a blistering minor pentatonic riff!

You scream.

The long-haired, skinny bard raises a hand, pointing his pinky and forefinger skyward, and begins intoning mystic phrases.

You collapse.

Welcome to Armageddon!

Hit Brawltest?

>death test

>Yep, you could die here.

Pickpocket, or Wrong Keyword?

Perhaps you accidentally crafted the gloves into the javelin.

You are carrying:
a pair of white gloves
a white bone spearhead
a long wooden pole

>craft white pole into javelin
You begin crafting...

You craft the gloves and the pole into a white-gloved javelin.

You think:
          D'oh, wrong keyword again!

Damn, it takes a long time to browse through all of your old posts.

[Rhyden]

My favorite is an old one I believe FDMW did that involved a unit of Allanaki soldiers along with a Templar raiding a highschool for their metal water fountain. I can't find it for the life of me, but it's probably the funniest thing I've ever read on the boards.

[SMuz]

My jokes aren't funny. I'd rather post someone else's. LoD has plenty

[Reiloth]

Synthesis, I haven't had any board conversations directly with you, but man...These are really great. Fucking splendidly hilarious.

PLEASE FIND MORE!

[Reiloth]

This one win's the fucking cake.

Skill: Melt
Quote from: Synthesis on August 27, 2007, 11:11:51 AM
When I first saw this, I thought of it as a bard skill:

The long-haired, skinny bard melts your face with a blistering minor pentatonic riff!

You scream.

The long-haired, skinny bard raises a hand, pointing his pinky and forefinger skyward, and begins intoning mystic phrases.

You collapse.

Welcome to Armageddon!

[RogueGunslinger]

I read them all. Damn funny stuff.

To lazy to search for my posts to see if I 'might' have said something funny.

[Fathi]

A lot of mine are in threads that are now locked. But I have a few.

Do _not_ let a vivaduan smile at you or your EVERY sexual experience will result in children.

Rolling off the tall, muscular man, sweat glistening on his forehead, you say, in sirihish:
  "... Amos, that was amazin', it was even better than it is with girls."

Gazing at you adoringly, the lanky, blonde man says to you, in sirihish:
  "Malik, I think I'm pregnant."

Base off bandage skill. if you have the skill to fix wounds you have the skill to know what they are...how does hunt possibly come into play there?

Goddamnit I don't know. It just does. >.>

> look corpse

This man is dead. He's been dead a while, Jim.

> hunt corpse

You plunge your hands into the body of the tall, muscular man.

Many hours ago, somebody shot this dude with a bow.
Many hours ago, somebody kicked this dude in the head.
Many hours ago, somebody nearly cleaved this guy's torso in half.

Clearly we need code that will apply an automatic keyword change to the sdesc after the deed is done:

The slim, redheaded woman is here.

THE SLIM, REDHEADED MAIDEN IS EVOLVING!

[brytta.leofa]

This includes full 20% of my posts, but I reckon myself unqualified to comment on their hilarity.

The tall, muscular man exclaims, flailing desperately, in northern-accented sirihish,
  "No, no, I won't let--"
The tall, muscular man struggles against you and breaks free!
You draw a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow from your desert-camouflaged quiver.
The tall, muscular man runs east, whooping and hollering.
You steady yourself and take aim.
You shoot a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow east.
To the east: a heavy, chitin-tipped arrow strikes the tall, muscular man on the head, doing unspeakable damage.
To the east: the tall, muscular man crumples to the ground.
The spare, warbearded templar shouts, in sirihish,
  "BOOM!"
You shout, in sirihish,
  "HEAD SHOT!"
The spare, warbearded templar looks at you.
You look at the spare, warbearded templar.

[brytta.leofa]

But I'm most proud of my parasitic contribution here:

HIS EYES ARE FILLED WITH HATE AND MADNESS THE DEATH THEY HAVE SEEN IS
INCOMPARABLE GORE DRIPS FROM HIS MOUTH FROM THE CORPSES HE HAS EATEN
OUT OF PURE DESPERATION HE SMELLS GROSS AND IS DRIPPING WET AND HE HAS
LONG FINGERS THAT ARE WET WITH THE BLOOD OF HIS DEAD COMRADES
AND THE DEATHLY SALT OF THE SEA AND THERE IS SAND ALL OVER HIS RAGGEDY
CLOTHING SUGGESTING HE HAS SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN THE SAND, HE IS A SYMBOL
OF HUMANITY'S ISOLATION AND DEPRAVITY WHEN DRIVEN TO DESPERATION BY
IMPENDING DOOM AND HE IS STANDING ON A RAFT OF BLOATED CORPSES THAT
HE IS USING TO SAIL TOWARDS A DISASTER THAT HE HIMSELF WILL CAUSE.
The insane, gore-spattered buccaneer is in excellent condition.

<on head> pirate hat
<primary hand> shark fin
<secondary hand> severed head

approved, welcome to armageddon, remember to contact the helpers if you have questions!!

At your table, dipping a brief nod toward the insane, gore-spattered buccaneer and tapping your your black leather and steel-grey sandcloth greatcloak significantly whilst improbably yet simultaneously taking a long, deep sip from your empty tall ceramic mug and also talking, you say, in sirihish,
  "Mornin', fella. You considered th' career oppertunity an' signifercant benefits of signin' on teh th' Expansion?"

The insane, gore-spattered buccaneer looks at you.

At your table, the hollowness of his voice echoing the hollowness of a life you fill with cruel women and hard liquor and empty things, the insane, gore-spattered buccaneer says, in sirihish,
  "You aren't at a table."

[Vessol]

I have far too many pointless +1 posts to look through to find anything that might even be a bit comedic(I'm not that comedic, hint hint). However I do feel that it is necessary for me to write another pointless +1 post, thank you.

[Archbaron]

Don't Kros me bro was the best one.

[WarriorPoet]

Your Girl Loves the New All.<x> Code

> put all.long box

You put your long branch of agafari in a box.
>

You put your long branch of agafari in a box.
>

You put your long branch of agafari in a box.
>

You put your dick in a box.

Awesome. I'll have that in my head all day now.

[Taven]

Wow, these were great. I'll have to look at old posts and see if I can find anything.

...Really, abolutely incredible, guys.

[LauraMars]

I wrote this for a deleted odd urges thread from ages back.

Bend in Alley [NES]
You are standing in the middle of a poverty-stricken alley, the
Highlord's chamberpot of human life.  All about you, piled against
dilapidated stone buildings, are piles of garbage, excrement, and the
occasional corpse -- or perhaps that's simply a sleeping child -- that
gather here.  The sky above, what is visible of its dome through the
blood-tinged air rank with foul scents, shines less brightly upon you, the
sun's rays blocked out by the tall cracked structures of crumbling red
stone, buildings which give this alley a claustrophobic feel, despite its
being quite wide. 
    This wide alleyway bends here heading north and east.  A doorway is
barely visible along the southern buildings. 

The towering, blond-haired male stands imperiously in the middle of the alley, spinning his trio of crystaline spheres in one gloved palm.

Someone suddenly plants their dagger in the middle of your back! - UNGH!
You swiftly dodge the figure in the dark, hooded cloak's stab.
You swiftly dodge the figure in the dark, hooded cloak's stab.

Holding his trio of crystaline spheres aloft as he runs away from the figure in a dark, hooded cloak, you sing, in sirihish,
     "Your eyes can be so cruel!"

You attempt to flee.
T-Junction [NSW]
  Two ill-maintained streets -- if one can call them even that -- come
together here in a crude junction.  The high buildings of reddish stone are
chipped and cracking, but still serve to shield you from the biting sun and
sand of the outside desert.  The stench of death fills the air, making you
wonder just how poor one must be to live here.  You feel penned in, despite
the fact that the junction is quite wide. 
   Alleyways snake off to the north, south and west from here.
You flee, heading north.

Bend in Alley [NES]
You are standing in the middle of a poverty-stricken alley, the
Highlord's chamberpot of human life.  All about you, piled against
dilapidated stone buildings, are piles of garbage, excrement, and the
occasional corpse -- or perhaps that's simply a sleeping child -- that
gather here.  The sky above, what is visible of its dome through the
blood-tinged air rank with foul scents, shines less brightly upon you, the
sun's rays blocked out by the tall cracked structures of crumbling red
stone, buildings which give this alley a claustrophobic feel, despite its
being quite wide. 
    This wide alleyway bends here heading north and east.  A doorway is
barely visible along the southern buildings.
The figure in a dark, hooded cloak is standing here.

You begin moving silently toward your victim.

The figure in a dark, hooded cloak spits blood and gurgles as you stab him with your shortsword.
You land a solid stab to the figure in a dark, hooded cloak's body.

You swiftly dodge the figure in the dark, hooded cloak's stab.
You swiftly dodge the figure in the dark, hooded cloak's stab.

Spinning his trio of crystaline spheres in one hand as the other thrusts a shortsword between the figure in a dark, hooded cloak's ribs, you sing, in sirihish,
     "Just as I can be so cruel!"

You stab the figure in a dark, hooded cloak's waist, wounding him.

[Ourla]

Rooooofl!