The Armageddon GDB Quote Thread

[Taven]

There are a lot of amazing quotes on the GDB. Some are worth reading for the topic, some are hilarious, and some are epic. This is a thread for those quotes.

Thread Rules

1. You have to include amazing quotes in every post. The number/volume of these quotes must outnumber your commentary on others' quotes.
2. You must properly quote, using the quote tags.
3. You may not quote within the thread using quote tags, because that gets confusing. Instead, link to or otherwise reference the previous quote in this thread that you want to comment on.
4. If the quote is more of a post, you must link to the quote rather then do a full quote.
5. You cannot post a quote which has already been posted (IE, scan the thread before posting)
6. Effective after my reply to Adj's Post, you may no longer quote the rules to count as posting a quote. He was sneaky, so we let it slide this once (and of course my reply is excused as making sure people know the rules were updated).

Some quotes are in locked threads or ask the staff. However, you can still properly quote these by using this outline:

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[quote author=<NAME>]
[url=<LINK>]<TEXT>[/url]
[/quote]


Okay, with all the rules in mind, let the thread begin!

The Official GDB Hate Cycle

FIRE KANKS!!!

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psi Hello, sir and or madam!  I am a representative of Kadius' Silk Division and we're conducting a Known wide survey concerning the
quality of our goods and our customers' satisfactions with their purchases!  Tell me, have you ever bought one of our wonderful green silks
pants or other of our great items currently up for sale?

Sdesc: the massive winged grey demon

This is my favorite, a tad more recent, but the most hilarious app I have ever seen. The PC died far too soon for what he deserved. Props to the player; name hasn't been edited because it's part of what makes the app so great, and I don't think anyone ever knew it anyway.

Gogoshogoo's parents were gemmed mages - Vivaduans both. Long before Gogoshogoo was born they fled the city in search of a free colony where they could live their magickal lives in peace and harmony. The colony they found was not something that could be considered ideal. It was run by a maniacal Krathi named Zoljoban who was more of a heartless raider than settler. He forced Gogoshogoo's parents to kill many elves, men, and women. And children too. Lots of children. At any rate, Gogoshogoo's parents were not satisfied. They fled again to a secret cave in the Tablelands. Or it could have been a wagon. Gogoshogoo doesn't remember. But the location must not have been THAT secret because Gogoshogoo DOES remember their horrible demise! Zoljoban found their hideout and incinerated them in great sprays of Suk-Krathian fire. Gogoshogoo was twelve at the time and just outside of the cave, foraging for water-bearing plants behind a dune. He managed to hide from Zoljoban and grieve over the charred, semi-bodies of his parents. Also, he had to eat them to survive. Because there wasn't any food around. He's recovered a bit since then. He's pretty sane, actually. He generally keeps to himself out in the wastes. Playing with water. Feeding it to lizards. Visiting cities briefly for drink, food, and talk. He's made a few friends in the wastes - most of them dead now. Sometimes, every couple of years, Gogoshogoo gets the urge to eat humanoid flesh. Maybe it's because he's crazy. Maybe it's because he had to eat his parents because he was starving and now he has deep emotional trauma. Gogoshogoo doesn't try to analyze the urge, for he must obey it. It is as primal in him as the urge to mate (which is also primal in him, so he isn't completely insane). Generally, when the mood siezes him, he will befriend, trick, befuddle, or otherwise convince a victim to get alone with him. And then he'll murder them, cook them, and eat them.

Remember, quotes are not required to be funny but you must have a quote in order to post in the thread. Please, contribute!

[Yam]

Holy shit I was Gogoshogoo.

My personal fave is the eminently quotable Cerelum:

I am will got be you I don't cry.

I don't cry :[

[Anaiah]

On breed-lovin':

Mudsex. Followed by an intense feeling of shame and self loathing. Followed by mudsex. And crying.

On irony:

I want there to be a traveling circus, with rare animals in cages and performers, that move from area to area. In large cities they would set up in the arenas. In smaller villages they would set up just outside the village or outpost.

Erdlu trick riders, contortionist, a place for all those mutant types, mul strong man. Half giant clowns in an extra small wagon.

You also need gypsies that tell fortunes from their gypsy wagon.

...wait.

On humanity:

roles i don't understand enough to enjoy: humans

Tons of hilarious odd urges condensed:

Start a pantheistic tribal cult.

Stamping his feet as he dances, the rugged, runic-inked male shouts, in bendune,
  "Hear us, sand gods!"
A unit of tribal children exclaims, waving its hands in the air, in bendune,
  "Adur-ruh! Nossin! Nigh-ur! Nigh-ur!"
Stamping her feet as she dances, the tressed, one-eyed woman shouts, in bendune,
  "Hear us, tree gods!"
A unit of tribal children exclaims, waving its hands in the air, in bendune,
  "Scene-ga! Vannie! Scene-ga! Vannie!"
Writhing rhythmically on the ground, bone rattles shaking, the bald, crippled crone moans, in bendune,
  "Hear us, slave gods!"
A unit of tribal children moans, covering its face with its hands, in bendune,
  "Kav-tus! Ry-nev!"
Crouching perilously close to the fire, arms raised, the very tall figure in a black sandcloth facewrap screams, in bendune,
  "Hear us, all-mother!"
> shout (dancing around the blazing campfire, scandalously clad) SAAAN-VEEEY-OOOON!
Dancing around the blazing campfire, scandalously clad, you shout, in bendune,
  "SAAAN-VEEEY-OOOON!"

To use the arrange command on buildings in-game and make surrealist sculptures.


arrange hut ~ is perched atop a grassy mound high in the sky, which spirals away to nothing but a slender support of dry, cracked earth, resembling a nightstand's base as it meets the cobbled stones of the road. A stone sundial hangs in mid-air within the shadow of that structure, bent in half, and spinning slowly.

arrange wagon A tiny toy model of ~ sits on the back of a stone erdlu.

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Was wandering around Allanak nailing couches to ceilings using the arrange command.  Was told to cut it out and fix the changes he had made. - 8/04/09

> arrange chest If you were here to burglarize the place, you would readily notice ~ placed immediately next to the entryway, filled with several semi-valuable objects ready for the taking.  This may dissuade you from further investigation of the domicile, as your thieving thirst should be slaked by the easy offerings within.

> arrange 2.chest Given the obvious thoughtful concern this particular apartment-dweller bears with respect to your livelihood, you might ignore ~, but you would perhaps feel a bit more inclined to lock the door behind yourself as you leave.

> arrange platter You might also notice that someone has been so kind as to leave you a few travel cakes and a cup of water, arranged neatly on ~.

From the perspective of a 0-day half-giant assassin:

> hide
You look for a good place to hide.

> semote puts ~barrel on his head.
> tdesc
> He has a barrel on his head.

You think:
      "Yeah, they'll never see me now."

The rich noble arrives from the west.

The rich noble looks up at you.

You think:
      "Hahaha, he thinks I'm a barrel."

>use axe
You chop at the base of the tree.

>pem A short agafari tree swiftly dodges @ chops.

> use axe
You stand back as the tree topples over.

>em does unspeakable damage to a short agafari tree's body with his chop.

I fulfilled one of the odd urges in this thread to arrange random things laying in rooms in strange ways.




The staff were not amused. 

Though, in all fairness, you can be totally amused while needing to tell people that they need to stop doing stuff. Just because it's not right doesn't mean it's not funny.

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A lanky, yellow-bellied gith slashes you very hard on the wrist.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith slashes your body.
You dodge a lanky, yellow-bellied gith's slashes.

A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.

72/104/60> flee
Panic! You couldn't escape.

A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.

72/104/58> flee north
You flee head over heels, heading east.

Scrub Plains [NSFW]

A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
72/104/54> drop tent
You drop a desert-camouflaged tent.

A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.

72/104/54> make tent
You unroll a desert-camouflaged tent and set it up.

A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.
A lanky, yellow-bellied gith has arrived from the west.

72/104/54> enter tent
You enter a desert-camouflaged tent.

72/104/52> look out
Scrub Plains [NSFW]
A desert-camouflaged tent has been pitched here.
Many lanky, yellow-bellied gith are here, milling around aimlessly.

72/104/52> think (very clever) They ain't seen a tent before.
Feeling very clever, you think,
  "They ain't seen a tent before."

72/104/52> rest
You sit down and rest your weary bones.

To the out, a male voice shouts, in an unfamiliar tongue,
  "Jy zippo gightpr wipp roatq thq htraighz-gack gn p coqy ged!"
To the out, a female voice shouts, in an unfamiliar tongue,
  "Qaqaqaqa!  Uurn, uurn, uurn!"
To the out, a male voice shouts, taking up the chant, in an unfamiliar tongue,
  "Uurn! Uurn! Uurn! Uurn!"
An acrid smell reaches your nostrils, causing you to sneeze.

78/112/81> look out
Scrub Plains [NSFW]
A desert-camouflaged tent has been pitched here.
Many lanky, yellow-bellied gith are here, roasting marshmallows over a merrily-burning desert-camouflaged tent.

A staff member sends to you:
  "Just for that final think, I won't dock karma.  This time."

78/112/83> wish all wait no I
The tent roof collapses, trapping you beneath a smothering layer of burning canvas.

-2/28/84>

-3/28/84> wish all IM SORRY I GOT SCAIRT

Ululating triumphantly, someone prods the smoldering heap with her smelly black-barbed spear.
You stop scanning.

Welcome to Armageddon!


Create and play a PC based on the collective unconscious personality of the GDB.

>look tall

This is a tall, muscular blah blah. Oh look a typo in the sdesc; you should typo this guy.
The tall, muscluar man is in excellent condition.

<worn everywhere>     newbie gear

You shout, in sirihish:
     "dibs on your boots"

The rich independent hunter walks in from the west, tugging at ~pearl.diamond.ruby.necklace.

You say to the rich independent hunter, in sirihish:
     "give some of your money to a nooblar wtf man."

Play an Elkinhym bard who goes around calling herself a "mock star."

emote flicks his reins, riding up the North Road.

Repeatedly.

Regardless of the actual road my PC is on, or if they are mounted.

I want to play a krathi that gives his or her powers elaborate names that they shout every time they cast.

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cast 'mon un pow ur ded' gith
Striking an outrageous pose as tongues of fire roar up from the ground around her, the fire-haired woman shouts, in sirihish:
     "FLAMING MOUNTAIN NOVA BLAST!!"

A lanky, brown-skinned gith writhes in agony as flames incinerate his body.

[Booya]

I briefly misread the "Emotions in psionic communication" thread as "Emoticons in psionic communication."

The austere, hard-nosed templar sends you a telepathic message:
    " "

You think:
   "Uh oh."

Love this.

[Barsook]

What?

Those crashes were because of POOP CODE?!?!?!

*laugh/cry*

Not at all.

However, you might say that this current JS is...

[caruso.jpg]

pooped.

[Yeaaaaaaaaah.jpg]

[Taven]

The "Emoticons in psionic communication" quote was hilarious. Also, I was very amused by Anaiah's post. The "mockstar" and the Gith tent one stuck out. Great stuff. 

I wanted to pepper in a few things from recent threads, from the "you only see this once a year" area and I dug up a wonderful picture by Cutthroat.

I'd have more, but I don't remember where or what they are. 

A poison sword-penis, like a scorpion's tail, but it shoots poison instead of whatever a penis shoots, with the poison stored in bulbous sacs attached to the body. Uses piercing skill for this weapon.

Disadvantages:
- Cannot wear pants
- Cannot make friends (because it'd be like really awkward)
- Assassins will want to cut off his bulbous sacs for poison

My dearest boys,

I'm so proud of you, all growed up and owning your own land.  Tektolnes, you are kind of a bitch, but that's to be expected seeing as how your subjects are all douchebags and whinerbabies.  Mukie... Mukie-wookie-woo, you darling little thing!  I bet you never guessed that you'd own all of the gra... wait, no, I bet you did, anyway.  You're doing a bang up job, keep up the good work.

I'm just checking in on my two little boys, not trying to be too mother hen or anything, but I do need to make sure you're doing chores and the like.

Has anyone let Luir out of the basement yet?  You're remembering to give him food and water, right, and the ocassional scratch behind the ear?  Since his spine's broken by untold tons of obsidian, that's really the only place he can feel a loving scritch.  Please don't neglect him.

I know he was a douchebag neighbor kid, but still, you all used to be friends.  Try to remember him when he wasn't a complete asshat.  Owning a pissy little outpost in the middle of shitville flats can turn someone around on you.  Maybe let him out for a day into the sunlight and then put him back?  What do you think?

Love,
-Mommyfaxis.

Dear Highlord,
   
I have been cloistered since birth and kept pure for the hopes that one day you might chose to bless the city-state with an heir.
   
That I might attend all your pleasures, what are they, that you seek in you Concubines?
   
What delights show I train my body to preform?
   
Are there any foods that heighten you desire?
   
A type of clothing style you like to see upon you personal Concubines?

an heir?
   
what spice are you smoking (and by doing so, violating my laws)?
   
so like, you expect to go up to a guy that killed his dad to take over the family business and then rule for over a thousand years
   
and say
   
"how about an heir?"
   
yeah it worked out real well for daddykins there
   
not going down that route, i'm not stupid

Muk-Utep,
   
Do you have a favorite bard, or do you not even care about the Poet's Circle?

Ok, I'm going to go a little crazy over here, but there's this artist that I absolutely ADORE.  All sorts of hits back in the 400-600 era.  Nowadays, everyone's all about him.  Almost every conversation somehow gravitates towards the guy.  I can't help but be a little jealous at all of the attention the guy gets.
   
It may be a bit hipster of me, but I'm just saying that I've got totally legitimate street cred with the artist.
   
I totally knew Luir before he was underground.

He Who Saved Us, the Large-metal-statue Dragon, Everlasting Shadow, the High Lord Tektolnes...

I can't see anything in your Shadow. It's just too dark. Seriously, I just stubbed my toe again. Would you please let a little bit of light in?

I mean, come on. Your golden tower isn't going to be shiny unless there's some light to shine on it. That's totally important. You like shiny things, right?

With everlasting fear and screams, and many bows,
Your citizen that can't see for shit, Amos

Dude, Luirs.

Do you realize that Light and Shadow have already been taken?

Guess what you get? That's right. You guessed it.

The immense, crimson-braided man is here, shooting Wisdom-Knowledge-Humor lasers at a city in Vrun Driath.

>look awesome
This large man towers at least eight feet above the ground, much larger
and taller than most other men.  From his head, crimson braids, the color of
wet blood upon a battlefield, cascade down his massive, muscular back.  His
features appear to be the work of some master sculptor, where every nuance
must be pleasing and familiar to the eye, the flat planes of his face
chiseled and stern, yet personable and illuminated with perfect health.  His
tan skin almost seems to glow with a brilliant light, and his dark eyes seem
to be filled with endless depths of wisdom, knowledge, and humor regarding
all they survey. 
The immense, crimson-braided man is in excellent condition.

<worn around neck>       a sunburst decorated silk shoulder-cape
<slung across back>      an old runed, ivory-hilted steel greatsword
<worn on torso>          a loose tunic of white silk
<worn around wrist>      a ruby-set silver bracelet
<worn on right finger>   a bejewelled golden ring
<worn on left finger>    a ruby-jeweled golden ring
<worn as belt>           a white and flame-red silk scarf
<worn on legs>           a pair of white silk pantaloons
<worn on feet>           a pair of silver-toed leather boots

The immense, crimson-braided man says, in sirihish:
     "I am not drawn to scale."

A gang of thugs, who try to operate as telemarketers. They find a target and relentlessly contact him to try to sell him things. Then when the victim runs out of stun points telling them to sod off (or better yet, use barrier), they group up on the weary victim, beat him senseless, and take his things.

[Gunnerblaster]

... I talked to the Canadian Police and they said Chuck Norris was stopping a bank robbery when Mansa came in, tore his heart out and then ate it. With Chuck's last bit of energy he ripped mansa's clothes off before dying.

When Mansa posted, oh so long ago, that he was arrested.

[Yam]

You mean arreted.

[Taven]

YAM YOU BROKE THE RULES. YOU HAVE TO POST A QUOTE TO POST. YOU GOT TO  BE PUNISHED. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

NECKSNAP!

>necksnap amos

You try and snap the tall, muscular man's neck but fumble and snap your own!


Welcome to Armageddon!  '(mantishead)

[Taven]

Bounty hunters!

A human tribe entirely of bounty hunters! Which is successful enough to eventually become coded. There's several raider tribes already, right? Mostly elven? These guys could get rich pretty fast if they were good, and become mortal enemies of the raiding tribes. You could pay them to go hunt some slick murderous desert elf who wiggles easily out of cities and disappears into the desert.

...So pretty much the T'zai Byn?

The lean, muscular elf says, in allundean:
     "What are you talking about riding?  I'm merely sitting on top of it while it's walking!

An elven raider has entered the large, badass war argosy.

You shout in sirihish, "Quick, start moving! He'll jump off!"

The large, badass war argosy rumbles and shakes as it moves.

An elven raider leaves the large, badass war argosy.

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Lirathu slips noiselessly from the sky.

... What? Do the other moons make a ruckus about their lunar cycles? 

I don't know, but that black moon was a real jerk when he introduced himself.

As it crests over the horizon, the black moon says, in sirihish:
     "drop pack"

[Mazy]

>A halfling with yellow facepaint enters from the west.
>A halfling with yellow facepaint says in an unfamiliar tongue, panicked and screaming, running past: "Aiy! Gha ulghla xhy untara!"
>A halfling with yellow facepaint runs east.
>You think: what the fuck?
>Turning with an apprehensive smile to the ----------- man, you say in sirihish, "What the fuck does gha ulghla xhy untara mean?"
>A wall of water enters from the west.

[RogueGunslinger]

I like the fact that two of the top threads in the World Discussion subforum are "pooping" and "spirituality." Together, they really encapsulate the game, I think.

Armageddon:  Holy shit.

[Taven]

I want to play a girl who takes her father's place in the army, disguising herself as a man, getting into all kinds of hijinks, and saving Allanak from a horde of barbarian scum.

That's definitely not a role that would make sense in Armageddon!

LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS,
TO DEFEAT
THE GITH
DID THEY SEND ME MORONS
FROM THE FUC-KING RINTH?
YOU'RE UNSUITED FOR
THE HOUSE OF TOR
SO PACK UP
GO HOME
YOU'RE THROUGH
HOW CAN I
MAKE A RED
OUT OF YOU.

BE A RED
YOU MUST HAVE STRENGTH AS YOUR PRIMARY STAT
BE A RED
AND SKILL TRAIN LIKE A BOSS ALL DAY LONG
BE A RED
BEING A DWARF IS ALMOST A NECESSITY
SO SERIOUS, IF YOU HAVE FUN YOU DON'T BELONG.

Aside:  I'd like to try my hand at a Noble or Templar one day too.

This made my day.

[manipura]

A player designs a character with say warrior guild and picks their subbguild based on the fact it grants tailor. Because that's what they really wanted for their character, a stoic swordsman who makes frilly princess dresses by night for his eight year-old daughter.

[Taven]

Give hard cold facts; use the old journalistic approach:

I'm now tempted to start writing backgrounds as news stories.

MAGICK-AVERSE VETERAN FINDS REFUGE AMONGST RED STORM ARTISANS
RED STORM - Amos Grebber, a 50-year veteran of Allanak's Jade Sabers legion, has seen countless dozens slain by vile magicks.  When he was offered the chance to cash in his pension for a discharge, he didn't hesitate.  A tailor by avocation, he has found a warm welcome here in Red Storm, among the village's many skilled artisans.

"Them abominable [sand-loving] [elemental sorcerers] had done [gazed at me in a disconcerting manner] the [last time]," he recounts.  "I knowed the only [commodious] place for me in the [Known World] would be right here, in that [honored Sandlord's] Red Storm.  Ain't no [use of magick] being [done] by the [sand-loving] [craftsmen] down here."

Ny i'Lassi, spokesman for the Red Storm Trade Council, says that Grebber's experience is surprisingly common.  "Elemental magick is commonly practiced in Allanak, teeming with noisesome flesh and pain as it is. More than one Allanaki has come to Red Storm to experience the final peace that comes from stillness."  Bzet Al'Crossi, inventory control manager at the Sandlord's Bounty, concurs.  "We're always tremendously excited to have fresh opportunities to expand our trade.  Dealing with a combat veteran from the Black, that just makes it sweeter."

Grenner is currently residing in the villlage's public boarding rooms, but says he has received numerous offers for colodging.  "Reckon I'll jest learn the lay of the land first," he says. "Tailorin' ain't the only thing I didn' get enough time to try in the Sabers."

Or, (now this would be REALLY snazzy) "wish all Um.. There was a bug. When I put my pants on, they INCINERATED me alive. Can I get a rez?"

[Iiyola]

brilliant, just brilliant! More!!!

[Taven]

IIYOLA YOU BROKE THE RULES. NO POSTING IN THE THREAD WITHOUT POSTING MORE QUOTES!

BREAKING THE RULES LIKE THAT, IT IS SHITTY!

This game is really, really fun when you take the initiative and do shit.

This game is really, really gross, when you do shit.

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A foreign presence contacts your mind.


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> contact 823.dwarf

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psi Hello, sir and or madam!  I am a representative of Kadius' Silk Division and we're conducting a Known wide survey concerning the
quality of our goods and our customers' satisfactions with their purchases!  Tell me, have you ever bought one of our wonderful green silks
pants or other of our great items currently up for sale?

and what the fuck is with people always having the same sdesc seriously

get a new sdesc people nobody is the tall muscular man all the time

What if the kryl were actually just halflings in mechanized kryl-suits?

Some Tulukis would find out eventually.

A squarish blue and green, floral-painted wagon is here.
The shaggy, brown-haired man is standing here.
The leggy, lanky redhead is standing here.
The dapper, blond man is standing here.
The pudgy, bespectacled brunette is standing here.
A brown, black-spotted gortok stands here happily.
The very short figure in a black-shelled kryl costume is reclining here.

The dapper, blond man approaches the very short figure in a black-shelled kryl costume, reaching for its antennae and tugging on them roughly.

As it is tugged off by the dapper, blond man, a war-inked halfling removes his head of a black-shelled kryl.

Surprised, the dapper, blond man says, in sirihish:
    "So the kryl are just halflings in disguise, trying to scare Tulukis from the Grey Forest!"

Sourly, a war-inked halfling says, in kentu:
    "und I wojld heva golten auay witf ot, tao, of ot hndn'z bkep fer ymu meddlpng kcds!"

[evilcabbage]

I believe it's unfair if you leave out one of the greatest threads of all time.

Mr.B in the house, inciting some battle. I know you Armers got some rhythm
so let it out.


You don't gotta like rap, to post in this thread,
Do it, cause M.B.'s comin' for your head.
To all my victims this side of Allanak, I did it for the black.
Nah, I'm kidding, I take that back, I did it because your lyrically whack,
Your beneath me, kids.
I don't destroy newbies for the 'sids, I do it for the glory,
or maybe just to get my hands gory. It don't matter anyway, I'm twinking out
my skills today - so you better watch out.
I'm practically an immortal. When my attacks come for your dome,
my sword may as well be labeled VORPAL. Better jump in a portal, if your of
a magick class. It's the only way you'll save your ass from my maxxed
backstab.
My flow is sick, I have you writhing from my whip, of lyricism.
Turning you 'Nakkis to some brand of mysticism. Dragon's gonna put you down,
Like some Muk-loving clowns. Yeah that's right, I diss the north too.
You fools are playing easy-mode, the south is the real crew. It ain't nothing new,
It's been that way since at least 92'. But don't you be hatin'. You're just overrated.
Nyr and 'loonsh baby you so much, your bound to be EXTERMINATED.

Show me what you got guyz. I wait with baited breath.

[Mazy]

It's been a while since I've seen quotes posted, so I dug some up. Hope you chuckle.

Proof that some characters are destined to be awesome, even if they don't live long:

I once had a character who lived .... about 4-5 hours at best. During this time he managed to ... piss off that Mullish Boss of the Guild and get a 5 large debt put onto him, along with a 'grin' drawn on his face with a knife. Then managed to (maybe on his 2nd or 3rd hour of gameplay) get inside the guild HQ (how did he manage that, I dont know.), ransack it (he didnt take 'everything' but all he could carry, which was about ... 4-5k worth of spice, and maybe 3-5k worth of items), and then ... well ... try to sell it.

But instead of being a smart one and selling the stuff to NPCs, I decided to push it to PCs. He approached the Byn, who quickly (supposedly) recognized some of the stuff my chara was trying to sell as the stuff that went missing recently from Byn. He tried to sell it to the Kadians,, but well ... that took too long, and I wanted to get rid of that stuff fast. My hope was that I could get 5k 'sid off the items and pay those 5k as the debt the Boss put on the character. So It was kind of like repaying the debt to the Guild with their own stuff.

With Byn proving ... non cooperative, my character ended up stripped naked before a Templar, with two half giant Bynners tugging him from side to side like a rag doll. Considering how much spice he had in stripped cloak, Byn claiming his stuff, and very little actual 'cash', there was little way to get out of it. So ... I wayed the Templar that I could recover certain 'items' that were stored in the HQ. I saw them first, but didnt take them. Those sorts of items cant be really sold to anyone, but the guild or npcs.

The templar ended up giving my character his lockpick and sending off naked into the 'rinth to recover the stuff I promised him. Alas, to get inside the HQ again, I had to spice myself up. And to do that, I had to come back to an apartment where I stored all that spice. I evaded my escort half giants (baldy), got to my apartment, spiced myself to the brink, came out of the door and ... got one hit killed by the Bynner dwarf sargeant, who was waiting outside the door. So ... I guess the Bynners got all that stuff to themselves for free, the buggers.

All in all, I've managed to get into more trouble within those 4-5 hours then I did for a few lifetimes of other characters.

Funny thing about the way how I managed to anger the guild's boss. It was kind of funny. I'm moving my characcter out of the rinth for the first time and I meet the Boss on Hathors. We exchange 2-3 sentences, and he commends me on my use of southern accent. My character's got no southern accent, he spoke rinthie all that time. After a good thrashing, he ended up 'mimicking' southern accent just to get away with his head still screwed on. Conclusion ? Dont do spice!

Two funny scenarios:

Just once, I'd like to see.

Code Select Expand

The frightening, cold-eyed templar returns your nod, sitting at a small table.

At your table, you say, in sirihish:
     "How may I be of assistance, Faithful Lady?"

At your table, the frightening, cold-eyed templar says, leaning forward slightly, in sirihish:
     "Lately, our trade routes have been plagued by a witch intent on harming the ivory. He is extremely powerful and commands an army of the undead."

You raise your eyebrows slightly, frowning.

At your table, you say, in sirihish:
     "Yes... I've heard of this one. The Pink Rattlesnake, yes?"

The frightening, cold-eyed templar shakes her head.

At your table, you say, in sirihish:
     "The Grey Tregil?"

The frightening, cold-eyed templar shakes her head.

You snap your fingers.

At your table, you say, in sirihish:
     "The Vermillion Vestric!"

At your table, the frightening, cold-eyed templar says, in sirihish:
     "Amos. They call him Amos."

> hunt

You crouch down and begin looking for tracks...
>

You notice:  the tall, rangy man scratches the back of his neck, pretending to scan the horizon.

Less than an hour ago, a humanoid moved in from the east.
Less than an hour ago, a long-strided humanoid moved in from the east.

> tell malik Damnit Malik, some necker been tailin' us since we left the gates, but damn if you don't step light.

[Taven]

Three things that don't lie:

The request tool history
mud email history
Shakira's hips

This amused me. The reference, for those of you who don't get it: Hips Don't Lie

'Dirty' shouldl always be followed by the word breed/s.

"Talk dirty breeds to me baby"

[Taven]

From a thread talking about how Zalanthas will no longer have slaves (if your PC is enslaved, they will be force-stored instead):

Code Select Expand

The figure in a blue hooded templar's robe exclaims, in southern-accented sirihish,
  "Strip off his tabard, and all emblems of the filthy northern witches!"

The figure in a blue hooded templar's robe tells you, pointing a bony finger, in southern-accented sirihish,
  "Never again shall you haunt our borders, spy of the barbaric heathens. From henceforth you shall be my--"

The figure in a blue hooded templar's robe tells you, after a moment's pregnant hesitation, in southern-accented sirihish,
  "--much-despised ever-watched heathen lifesworn employee."

The figure in a blue hooded templar's robe tells you, in southern-accented sirihish,
  "I mean, if you want to? We can kill you. We're real good at the killing part."

From a thread talking about ivory-skinned PCs:

This woman's creamy skin is unmarred by either elements nor life's struggles. The flawless surface
is accentuated by a tumultous tousle of terracotta tresses, which flow freely like the very dunes
of the Zalanthan geography, down to her ankles. Which, of course, are delicate and slender,
seemingly unable - yet obviously belying that inability - to support her long, luscious, lanky legs,
beneath a full nibbleable ass of perfect proportion, shelved at the base of an impossibly langorious
limber spine, which is hidden by those tresses we already mentioned, though proportionately
perfect arms of equal delicacy to her ankles, not unlike the delicacy of a plate of bahamet
fillets in ginka sauce, spread like happy tregils on the plains from the sensual curve of her
alabster shoulders. Oh yeah and she has a tiny little scar on her pinky.
She is wearing: a silken see-through gown with the words "i mudsex 4 phun & profitlolol" embroidered on the left breast. Which is buxom, ginka-fruit-shaped, melon-rounded, and matches perfectly the one next to it.

[WWYD]

This doesn't really count, but.

Smirking, the rugged, stubble-bearded templar says, in sirihish:
     "Should just rename the First Unit to th' Makarim Brigade."

[Taven]

I have modified the original post.

Updated Rules!

There are a lot of amazing quotes on the GDB. Some are worth reading for the topic, some are hilarious, and some are epic. This is a thread for those quotes.

Thread Rules

1. You have to include amazing quotes in every post. The number/volume of these quotes must outnumber your commentary on others' quotes.
2. You must properly quote, using the quote tags.
3. You may not quote within the thread using quote tags, because that gets confusing. Instead, link to or otherwise reference the previous quote in this thread that you want to comment on.
4. If the quote is more of a post, you must link to the quote rather then do a full quote.
5. You cannot post a quote which has already been posted (IE, scan the thread before posting)
6. Effective after my reply to Adj's Post, you may no longer quote the rules to count as posting a quote. He was sneaky, so we let it slide this once (and of course my reply is excused as making sure people know the rules were updated).

Emphasis on the two new rules mine. Sneaky Adj, if you like the thread you should dig up great quotes and share them! 

(You can also alternatively post about your awe of this thread in Random Armageddon Thoughts, but we try to avoid mentioning that to bully people into contributing.)

[Taven]

Most of the quotes here are funny GDB quotes, but I wanted to take the time to quote some cool experiences players have had, as seen in the Most Memorable Animations thread.

I had a UBER dwarf warrior, Able to take on pretty much anything...alone, with ease.

But he had one fear.

Sitting in Luirs...on some rocks.

A tiny black spider arrives from the south on a strand of web.

A tiny black spider lowers itself to the rock next to you.

A tiny black spider waves a tiny black leg.

em pushes up and scrambles frantically away from ~spider.
st
run
n (scrambling frantically along)

A tiny black spider arrives from the south.

Needless to say, it chased him all around Luirs till his troopers stopped laughing long enough to kill it.

Speaking of HG and gas.

One of my past Northy HGs was out with his bosses...both templars.


Stopped for some reason or another.

pem eyes squinch up and he cuts loose a long loud fart.


(Not two seconds later)

A cloven hoofed horse sniffs the air then coughs.

A cloven hoofed horse's eyes roll back into her head.

A cloven hoofed horse crumples to the ground.

A templar stares at you.

A templar stares at you.

A glossy black inix rolls his eyes at you.

There was lots more of course, but that was all the animation...I made a Knight Templars horse pass out...where is the bragging thread.

Once, back in 2000-2001 or so, there was this evil artifact going around, and I was playing an exceptionally creepy little girl Nilazi (I started her at 10, via special app, and by this time she was 13 or so) who was basically the spoiled pet of two blue-robed templars who were raising/indoctrinating her for their own purposes.

Anyway, the mommy and daddy templars give her the artifact to check out, and over the extent of a long plot, winds up kind of bonding with and craving it, and after one session of holding it, I got something like this....

Code Select Expand


You feel slightly nauseous.
>
You start to feel incredibly ill.

We're in the apartment they put her in (back when the apartments were still actual separate buildings -- this was one off of Miners', I think), so she gets up and kind of stumble-staggers toward the door. She shoves the door open and steps outside and doubles forward to vomit.

Code Select Expand

It feels like something is lodged in your throat.

>

emote slaps a hand roughly against the wall outside of the open door, hunching forward to retch violently, her hair dangling down over her face.

>

As you vomit, you feel a thick, chunky mass work its way out amongst the bile and food.

>look

Miner's Way
A room description is here. It  contains information about things such as people
in wagons, possibly some dirty commoners, and maybe something about the
boring nearby buildings. There's probably also some mention of people in
abas, or possibly greatcloaks skulking around or hawking things.

A slimy white slug is here, inching across the ground.

I squee'd and wished up that it was awesome. Later, Sanvean emailed me something from the imm channel:

Bhagharva: I made Tamara vomit up a slug. And she THANKS us!

Those were the days.

I just remembered another Byn one. During the HRPT, the Byn ended up trying to hold the Merchant gate in Allanak. I think the volcano had gone off by then and things had gotten a little hairy. Maybe too hairy. So, Lieutenant Raul contacts the Byn commander over the Way to say something like "Commander, I'm stuck guarding this gate, but you may want to pull the company out now, I think the city's exploding."

To my pleasant surprise, the commander contacts Raul and is like "no way", and then he somewhat nervously promised Raul he'd secure from the templarate "double hazard pay, shit, maybe triple, this is just crazy" or something like that. I appreciated that little bit of animating in the midst of that madhouse rpt. 

Never found out if that payout ever actually happened... 

A small group of low-ranking 'rinth rats and one enterprising feller are hanging out in a certain bar in the Rinth... oh, darkness has descended on 'Nak. Heavily paraphrasing and this is just to the best of my recollection, I so wish I had a log.

Me: "We ought to organize a heist! The city is in darkness, we can get away with anything! Now is our time!"

Others: "Yeah, what should we hit?"

Big fucking Mul Boss: "Did Kadius pay protection?"

...silence for a minute...

Me: "Nope."

Big fucking Mul Boss: "Follow me."

Then we did a really cool smash and grab. During the job a low-ranking PC soldier walks up, "Hey, what is going on here?"

Big fucking Mul Boss: "Keep walking."

Soldier: "No way, dwarf!"

Big fucking Mul Boss: "Look again."

Soldier looks, apologizes and then walks away.

So I'm playing a Red Fang who wants to set up some kind of relations with the Gith. That was a time when there were a lot of gith women showing up around Allanak, throwing spears, shooting bows, and just being an actually pretty scary nuisance at times. My Red Fang knocks the npc gith woman out and drags her across the entire known to one of his hidey holes in the spiderland.

There he ties her up and wishes up for an animation every so occasional often. Yeah, I should've written a report about it and prewarned the Imms about it in my weekly reports, so they'd actually decide amongst themselves on what is to happen. But eh, I just put 'em on the spot and wished up a lot. Finally, I got my animation.

Problem is ... the Gith woman just refused to cooperate. Kept knocking herself out via the way on purpose, so she dont feel the beatings. Refused to answer me, refused to communicate, just tried to bite me a lot. My RF is getting pretty pissy, but he made a bet with another RF that he is going to get "some" kind of an exchange, so he cant just off the damn gith broad and be done with it.

So he offers the gith a game. If Gith woman was to show anything, "anything" that she's got that's better then my RF, then he lets her go. If she doesnt ... she's gotta start answering his questions.

So we get this exchange.

Gith woman points at her breasts.
my elf thinks, "... shit, I just got owned."
my elf groans, reaching out with his knife to cut the gith ropes.
Gith woman goes "Maybe we'll meet again. You're alright, even for such an ... unendowned race".
Gith woman lopes off.


Yeah, I know. We could've had a real show and tell there. But ... A ..  I didnt want to go there and B ... she'd end up biting my pecker off.

My favorite animation is one I wished up for. My Rinthi PC, who I wasn't attached to anyway or enjoying, was wandering around the sewers. His torch went out, and I didn't have a replacement. I'm pretty sure he also had no food or water on him; or if he did it wasn't a lot. He knew no PCs to come ask to save him. I didn't want to wait around for him to starve to death, so I wished up asking if staff could just kill me.

What happened? In the darkness, my PC caught a glimpse of light. Off in the distance, it seemed dropped in the muck was a glow crystal, which was now on. If he could get that glow crystal, he could find the way out and get out alive. He goes to it, picks it up... But something slimy is on it, wrapped around it. A tentacle. More tentacles followed, wrapping around him, and-- I didn't get to see the sewer horror before the mantis head came.

It was a good death, because for a minute it gave me hope, before crushing it. Also, I didn't actually care if that PC died, so it was just awesome, rather then traumatic.

You hear a mans voice shout from the north, "Try my new tonic...GITH THE FUCK OUT!"

Alright, might not be exact, but close enough.

I remember that. It was in the middle of the Gith War, and I was under the command of Lady Templar Troicha, Corporal Nae, Sergeant Laila, and Lieutenant Paryl. Samos was around too, chasing and slaughtering undead gith defilers (okay, not all of them were undead, some were just morbidly obese). Our group had just beaten back a few teaming rabble hoards of gith, and we're all panting and collecting our breath, shoving down food, and waiting for new orders...

Code Select Expand

His face all bloodied, the sturdy, darkly-tanned man asks the stocky, weather-beaten human, in sirihish:
     "Got any grub on yeh?"

Glancing about at the piles corpses, the stout, heavily-scarred dwarf eats his small portion of a wedge of crumbly, pale-green cheese.

The stocky, weather-beaten human says, in sirihish:
     "Nah sorry."

The vibrant, jade-adorned brunette says to the spare, cunyati-hued templar, in sirihish:
     "Lady Templar, I'm receiving multiple reports of gith in the Common Quarter."

You hear a man's voice shout from the north in sirihish:
     "Got a case of the clap? Try my Sand Tonic!"

The blond-haired, blue-eyed male says, in northern-accented sirihish:
     "Ive been fighting all day Im feckin starvin"

The pale-eyed, blond-braided woman says, in sirihish:
     "My team, ON me. Form up now."

The willowy, grey-streaked man exclaims, in sirihish:
     "Hold tight! Gettin' orders!"

The rugged, barrel-chested man says, in rinthi-accented sirihish:
     "Lady troicha"

You say to the pale-eyed, blond-braided woman, in sirihish:
     "Aye, sir."

The pale-eyed, blond-braided woman says to the vibrant, jade-adorned brunette, in sirihish:
     "We're ready for whatever."

Moving over to her, the sturdy, darkly-tanned man says to the hale, scarlet-haired woman, in sirihish:
     "Got any food on yeh? Fuckin' starvin' after all tha' fightin'."

The spare, cunyati-hued templar asks, in sirihish:
     "What's up?"

The vibrant, jade-adorned brunette says to the spare, cunyati-hued templar, in sirihish:
     "Gith in the Common Quarter."

The spare, cunyati-hued templar asks the vibrant, jade-adorned brunette, in sirihish:
     "How many?"

Tossing it, the dragon-tattooed, claw-braided man gives his loaf of brown bread to the sturdy, darkly-tanned man.

The dragon-tattooed, claw-braided man says to the sturdy, darkly-tanned man, in sirihish:
     "There y'go, Rummy."

The vibrant, jade-adorned brunette says to the spare, cunyati-hued templar, in sirihish:
     "Unclear, thousands maybe. Multiple reports."

Giving him the thumbs up, the sturdy, darkly-tanned man says to the dragon-tattooed, claw-braided man, in sirihish:
     "Cheers mate."

The slender, hack-haired man shudders.

Eyes widening as he shudders, the lean, white-haired young man says, in sirihish:
     "Thousands..."

The willowy, grey-streaked man exclaims, in sirihish:
     "We got orders! We're moving!"

Blinking, the prismatic-braided man asks, in rinthi-accented sirihish:
     "Thousands?"

The willowy, grey-streaked man exclaims, in sirihish:
     "Everyone fall in!"

You hear a man's voice shout from the north in sirihish:
     "Gettin' kilt by gith?  Try m' new swill, "Gith-the-fuck-out...""

The pale-eyed, blond-braided woman laughs.

The vibrant, jade-adorned brunette shouts, in sirihish:
     "First Unit you know your places, take them!"

The burn-scarred, curly-haired man stares northward a moment.

The pale-eyed, blond-braided woman glances northwards and just can't help but laugh.

The willowy, grey-streaked man exclaims, in sirihish:
     "First Unit! Hoorah!"

The rugged, tawny-skinned dwarf rubs her face with bloodstained hands.

The husky, stringy haired man chuckles grimly.

The sturdy, darkly-tanned man glances over his shoulder and laughs despite himself.

The neat bearded, cyprini-hued male chuckles as he glances northwards.

The vibrant, jade-adorned brunette shouts, in sirihish:
     "Highlord!"

The pale-eyed, blond-braided woman shouts, in sirihish:
     "HIGHLORD!"

The monstrous, peg-legged mul barks a loud laugh.

The burn-scarred, curly-haired man shouts, in sirihish:
     "Highlord!"

Raising his bloodied clawed bone scimitar into the air, the lean, white-haired young man shouts, in sirihish:
     "Highlord!!!"

Frowning, the prismatic-braided man says, in rinthi-accented sirihish:
     "Ah could go for some Gith-The-Fuck-Out righ' now..."

[Jeshin]

• Being naked is REALLY OBVIOUS, and shouldn't take someone who is incredibly observant to notice
• What possible IC rational could someone give for something this obvious? If you're naked, it's your duty to EMOTE about it.

Bolded the important funny bits.