Armageddon FACTS

[IAmJacksOpinion]

Okay, so basically this is just like Chuck Norris Facts. Except it's about stuff in Zalanthas or Armageddon (Game, or the game world).

You can create a FACT about any aspect of the game you chose; a famous (long deceased) PC, a notable NPC, a historic event, a natural or man-made object, a location of the game world, a clan, a certain code, the player-base at large, etc. Possibilities are as wide as your imagination!

My only request is that you DO NOT rehash Chuck Norris facts, mkay? Even if you replace the words and zalanthanise them.. Just don't.

So here's one to kick this shindig off..

1) Tektolnes's sdesc is simply "The man", and he addkeyworded "the"

[IAmJacksOpinion]

2) Back in the "bad old days" of Arm, newbs used to all start with the same sdesc; "A boot dispensor is here, offering salable boots." Many believe that the change from this system was moot.

3) Muk Utep used to be a man of the people, but then he received a "Cenyr Steamer" during MUDsex one day. He has been held up in his pyramid ever since.

[Aruven]

Muk Utep's tears cure crotch-rot, but Muk Utep never cries.

Tektolne's first slutty templaret lover once asked him ; "How much wood-would-a-northie-fuck-chuck-if-a-northie-fuck-could-chuck-wood?" Tektolnes proceeded to back hand her, and unleash a Leonidas kick into her chest sending her flailing from his tower balcony, screaming ; "How dare you rhyme in the presence of Tektolnes!

The chief export of Tektolnes is Pain.

If Muk-Utep is late, Time better slow the fuck down.

There are no such things as sandstorms, Muk and Tek just throw down every day when the moons set.

Negean historians often research Muk's enemies by pulling out the extinct species list.

Muk-Utep also invented water.

Tektolnes doesn't eat, he kicks ass until he is full.

[Jenred]

Tektolnes spelled backwards (and forwards) is The Shit.

[Aruven]

My only request is that you DO NOT rehash Chuck Norris facts, mkay? Even if you replace the words and zalanthanise them.. Just don't.


1) Tektolnes's sdesc is simply "The man", and he addkeyworded "the"

...I must have missed that the first time.

[WarriorPoet]

1) Tektolnes's sdesc is simply "The man", and he addkeyworded "the"

Tek's mdesc starts with the line "THAT'S RIGHT. HE'S THE MAN AND HE'S NOT FUCKING AROUND."

The rest of Tek's mdesc describes his crotch. And visage.

When regular people get done with a one night stand they say "Why don't you get out?". Tek also says five words once he's done. But not those.

Tek once had to slap a bitch. That bitch landed in what we now call Tuluk. Thus, the rise of Muk Utep.

[FantasyWriter]

Tek once had to slap a bitch. That bitch landed in what we now call Tuluk. Thus, the rise of Muk Utep.

BWHAHAHAH!

[Dan]

When regular people get done with a one night stand they say "Why don't you get out?". Tek also says five words once he's done. But not those.

Took me a second, but I get it now!



The Sandlord is the Zalanthan version of a used car salesman. His insurance works like this for his skimmers- Two weeks or 10,000 leagues... under the Silt.

He has not had to pay for a claim. Ever.

[FantasyWriter]

I still don't get it.

[Dan]

I still don't get it.

Look down approxamitely one inch from the frowny face in your last message.

[Zoan]

THE MAN says in southern-accented sirihish, with a badass gravelly edge,
      "Mon un fuck off, whore."

[Aruven]

Contrary to popular belief, it was the beggar outside meleth's circle that actually united the southern tribes of the vrun driath.

During off-peak hours, his s-desc is actually 'the beast from the south-east'.

[Dan]

THE MAN says in southern-accented sirihish, with a badass gravelly edge,
      "Mon un fuck off, whore."

For some reason I just pictured Tek as Andrew Dice Clay:

The twins say in southern-accented sirihish, with a whine,
      "Tektolneees, we just wanted to cuddle..."

THE MAN in the leather jacket says in southern-accented sirihish, while slicking his hair back with one hand and popping a tube of spice into his mouth  with the other,
      "You gaht da' bonus package! Oh!"


-or-


THE MAN in the leather jacket says in southern-accented sirihish, as he bounces a tube of spice back and forth with each word,
     "Clint Eastwood? I fucked 'im. Oh!"


-or ftw-

THE MAN in the leather jacket says in southern-accented sirihish, to the girls running from his bed,
     "Mon Un Do My Dishes!"



All previous entries are inspired by the movie, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane starring Andrew Dice Clay.

[Morrolan]

THE MAN in the leather jacket says in southern-accented sirihish, while slicking his hair back with one hand and popping a tube of spice into his mouth  with the other,
      "You gaht da' bonus package! Oh!"

I suspect the proper spelling of the above scene was:

THE MAN in the leather jacket says in southern-accented sirihish, while slicking his hair back with one hand and popping a tube of spice into his mouth  with the other,
      "You gaht da' 'bone-us' package! Oh!"

[Synthesis]

Tektolnes gets hard by holding his wang and typing "donate 100 shaft."

[IAmJacksOpinion]

Before coming to Zalanthas, the Silt Horror had a varied assortment of acting roles, in other virtual entertainment. Not the least of these, was a brief stint in Japanese hentai flicks.

[Sephiroto]

Tektolnes doesn't have crabs or scabies.  He has scrab and silt-horrors.

[Winterless]

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Muk hears it. Muk can hear everything. Muk can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

Tektolnes doesn't daydream. He is too busy giving other people nightmares.

[Cutthroat]

If you stare into the Pit on Caravan Road long enough the Pit stares back at you.

[Decameron]

It's said that Tek once disguised himself, as he grew bored of life in his tower. One night, he, a Red-Robed, and a Jihaen Templar sat around a camp-fire, swapping stories.

"I once killed a mekillot with my bare hands!", spat the Red-Robed

"That's nothing! I once skinned a legion of demons with a spoon for a blanket to keep me warm!" Cried out the Jihaen

Tek said nothing, and merely stood there, stirring the coals of the fire with his penis.

A Gaj once bit Muk. After two weeks of pain and utter agony, the Gaj died.

[Majikal]

Tektolnes Mdesc was NOT approved by staff.

Code Select Expand



>l tek (in awe)
In awe, you look up at The Man.

             0_
              \`.     ___
               \ \   / __>0
           /\  /  |/' /
          /  \/   `  ,`'--.
         / /(___________)_ \
         |/ //.-.   .-.\\ \ \
         0 // :@ ___ @: \\ \/
           ( o ^(___)^ o ) 0
            \ \_______/ /
        /\   '._______.'--.
        \ /|  |<_____>    |
         \ \__|<_____>____/|__
          \____<_____>_______/
              |<_____>    |
              |<_____>    |
              :<_____>____:
             / <_____>   /|
            /  <_____>  / |
           /___________/  |
           |           | _|__
           |           | ---||_
           |     T     |  | [__]
           |      E    |  /
           |       K   | /
           |___________|/

wtf r u doin here newb? ur so dead lawlz, my skillz r so maxed. Wish up 4 death plz kthxbai.

The Man is in excellent condition.



[hyzhenhok]

Before coming to Zalanthas, the Silt Horror had a varied assortment of acting roles, in other virtual entertainment. Not the least of these, was a brief stint in Japanese hentai flicks.

Indeed. His most famous role, however:

[WarriorPoet]

A Nakki Commoner once got on the list of Top 40 Hits for writing a country song called "My baby left me, so I killed her with an agafari axe."

That same Nakki Commoner was later executed for writing.

[SMuz]

The Dragon came a while ago, but left in fear after seeing that X-D wasn't link-dead.

[WarriorPoet]

Thread-rez, because this thread is the sheeeit and I'd like to see some more.