Don't Fale To Impress!

[Shalooonsh]

Greetings!
(queue drum roll)

Yep, it's that time again.



Come on guys, drum roll!
"But what time is it, Shal?  There's so much going on!  I just don't know anymore!  Show me the light!"

Be calm, my child, for I am here.  I am the way, and the truth, to what you desire.

CAN SOMEONE GET THAT FUCKING DRUM ROLL MACHINE WORKING!!  FOR THE LOVE OF TEK!!!

Alright, screw it, I wanted fireworks and flowers and an awesome presentation but here it is:

We need another Fale.  We need you.

Yep, a noble.  A real, honest-and-for-true Fale persona.  Someone who is interested in the deepest, most seedy plots of Allanak's upper crust.  Someone who wants intrique, someone who wants danger, someone who desires the deepest bauches to ever have been debauched!

What you need to give us:

An application including a name, description, background, interests, hobbies, hatreds, personality quirks, nuances, neuroses, and genital size.

What you get from us:

A yes or a no.

IF YES, you will also receive:
An awesome bedroom.
A totally kickass estate.
Some of the most bomb ass aides to have ever aided.
A KEY TO THE WORLD.*
A totally SWEET menu at the cook.   We aren't talking Byn stew and escru rinds here.  Brandy cakes.  Brandy.  Cakes.
Free booze.
A reason to literally get so drunk in public that you piss yourself, and then have a chance that you pissing yourself becomes a popular trend amongst the masses, who then begin pissing themselves (because it's cheaper than bathing).
A carriage to use whenever you desire.
NPC guards who will, on occasion, make fun of you.
NPC guards who will, on occasion, help you buy new pants.
Oh, did I mention the awesome staff?  Yeah, we're here too.  Not that we're better than the rest of the Armag staff, it's just that we're every bit as awesome as they are.
A noble character within the Fale clan, with the capability to give orders to anyone you want, even if they're not in your clan (no guarantees they'll listen, but you're free to give orders all you want.)

IF we reply with 'no' then you'll get a nice thank you for your efforts, and we'll hope you enjoy your next role even more than the last five put together.
No, you won't get a consolation prize.
Quit crying.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME A DAMN DRUMROLL!?

*World not included.







A drum roll sounds from somewhere in the distance, slightly off tune.

[Cavaticus]

Void where prohibited. Offer of "awesome staff" may or may not include Cavaticus, who does not perform staff duties to players in Idaho, Tibet, or any principalities/colonies/other holdings of the United Kingdom but not including the United Kingdom itself with the exception of Worcestershire. Pie. All applications are subject to being made fun of on immcom channels and all subsequent jokes are the sole property of Armageddon MUD and its staff.

[Ammit]

Residents of Earth must apply by Saturday. Martians have until Monday, while Saturnians have until Tuesday.

[Ammit]

I'm afraid we've filled this role, so those Martians and Saturnians who hadn't applied yet are out of luck.

If you didn't get an e-mail from us to let you know if we picked you, please e-mail us ASAP and we'll work out what went wrong.

[Ammit]

A time has come for many things, including some new blood in House Fale.

Now you won't get anywhere near as cool staff as us. Here are some quotes from some previous players we've worked with.

Shalooonsh is the greatest, he only had a gortok gnaw off half of my character's leg, instead of all of it. Sure I still died to the blood loss, but that sort of consideration is sorely missing from many of our staff.

Cavaticus is the best Imm we've got. When he loads up random NPCs to kill me, he always makes sure they have cool metal weapons to offer me the hope that I'll be able to get some neat treasure if I survive the encounter.

Ammit is a top-notch staff member. Unlike the other two he won't kill me. Sure he'll send my character into planes of existence that send them mad within mere seconds so they can never speak again or perform any coded actions. But he always lets me have the option of logging in to see what goes around my insane characters, even if they can't interact with the rest of the world.

Shaloon really is a good Imm. When he feeds on my brains he always makes sure there's enough so I can perform basic functions necessary to living.

When Cavaticus kidnapped me I didn't mind. He always made sure I was fed and showered at least once a week. He even let me go after only five years of captivity.

Anyone would be lucky to have Ammit as their staff member. He's such a joker, and it never gets old when he loads up an NPC to steal from me. Not even when its been the 10th time in the past five minutes.

So to join our wonderful clan, just get that app sent to us at fale@armageddon.org by Saturday.

[Cavaticus]

That post is shit. I let that dude go after only FOUR years.

[Shalooonsh]

Please include a list of your favorite spices to be boiled in along with your application.

Thanks for your consideration!

[Ammit]

Along with the spices, we'd really appreciate an account name as well. I was going to put it in my initial post, but I had a char limit (its a long story) and would have had to remove one of the glowing references.

[Cavaticus]

Guys try and remember that since Fale is the best clan in the game, we only accept the most awesome applications. Try to bring at least one of the following to the table:

- An explosion that you are dramatically leaping away from.
- A training montage where you learn martial arts/snowboarding/how to love again.
- A willingness to drive your own plots and a solid understanding of the 'nakki socio-political structure.
- An epic soundtrack.

Fale is serious business, guys. Super serious.

[Shalooonsh]

If you apply within the next three minutes your character comes with a free Portal Gun, five plasma grenades, and a suit of bio-mechanical armor, complete with love making autonomous vibro-attachments!

[Cavaticus]

Those of you who managed to send in your apps during that three-minute window can pick up your new gear at the bottom of the Sarlaac pit we just coded. We'll let you know where that is soonish.

[Cavaticus]

Oh my god guys.

Oh. My. God.

Did you hear? Did you hear the news?

The new and improved House Fale is taking applications for a single new noble. Did you ever want to be a member of the coolest, hippest, purple...est nobles in Allanak?

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Guys. Listen. Don't tell anyone else about this because if word gets out I'm going to have, like, a thousand emails in my inbox. So keep this on the DL. Word.

Look, this is kind of a secret, but I should let you know that nobles in House Fale need to be able to drive plots and have a pretty solid understanding of Allanaki politics. And if you email an application you should have a pretty solid concept in mind and no bad account notes recently and for the LOVE OF GOD include your account name.

Fale is an awesome house, guys. And I promise I won't drive your characters to the edge of sanity until you've had a few days to settle in.

Send applications to allanaki_nobles@armageddon.org, and we'll make a decision by sometime in the middle of next week.

[Rahnevyn]

Yes, my friends, it is true, Cavaticus is secretly a valley girl.

[Cavaticus]

My staff is currently organizing the several several dozen hundreds of FOUR MILLION applications we received and I hope to make a decision by the end of the weekend.

[Cavaticus]

Hey guys. I fell a bit behind on these but I'll send out emails tonight to all applicants.