I'm saying women seem to be attracted to confident, dominant behavior and their boyfriend not putting a stop to it when their girlfriends start coming on to me is likely a contributing factor.
Everyone is Metekillot's collective therapists - a thread.
In all seriousness, stop acting like you're an alien learning to emulate human behavior. Stop being concerned on what you feel you should be and start focusing on how to express who you really are without being a total jerk and you'll be a much happier adult. You're over-analyzing everything and everyone and your questions seem to come from the place of how can I get the reaction I want out of people which is an extremely narcissistic mind set. You can not control others through your actions, just as other people are not responsible for your actions.
A lot of what you're saying is about how you're trying to be this and that. You're overthinking it I guarantee it. You can't look outward for confidence in other people. You will never find it. There are a lot of weirdos in this world with amazing magnetism not because other people accepted them initially but because they learned to be comfortable in their own skin.
I have chronic PTSD, in my mid-twenties I got really cavalier on talking about it, and now I have a following over almost 7K people on YouTube. Not because I cured my mental illness, but because I accepted it, analyzed it and worked from the inside out and just began talking. Not saying I'm an authority on overcoming mental illness (far from it), just giving you my two cents. Point being, people relate to struggles --- the same reason we're all trying to help you on here. Nothing "freakish" about it. It seems your identity is caught up on the idea that you're some where outside of society because you have mental issues. Not true, though I do understand that's a lie mental illness tells quite well.
You've got being forthright (at least on here) about your issues down. I think acceptance of yourself is the next step. You can read all of the books in the world, but it's going to take a shift in your actions and thoughts internally to really feel at peace. Know what I mean?
Also, I have found that just injecting the cold hard truth into a situation is often times the best way to negate a negative situation's power over you. There's gentler ways to put it, and you can frame it without being accusatory, but if someone is bothering you and you've thought long and hard about it - sometimes the best way to shift the situation is be honest.
Hope all of this rambling helps.
PS: Stop referring to yourself as a freak. How you talk to yourself is a big part of what makes up your internal, mental landscape.
PSS: All women are not one collective consciousness with the same attractions. So stop generalizing what women seem to want, please and thank you.