How long do you grieve over a long-lived PC?

Started by Harmless, January 20, 2015, 11:55:33 AM

How long is it "normal" to feel the emotional consequences of a long-lived PC's death? (>30 days played or so)

a few days
14 (17.3%)
a week
5 (6.2%)
1-2 weeks
6 (7.4%)
2-4 weeks
6 (7.4%)
2+ months
9 (11.1%)
Grieve? I don't do that.
13 (16%)
Hours? Minutes?
10 (12.3%)
I never stop grieving them.
18 (22.2%)

Total Members Voted: 80

Making a throw-away character soon is a good idea.  Get back on the horse, so to speak.  (But definitely, DEFINITELY not in the same area of the game!)


I've lost 2-year characters and got over it in a few days because I knew they were past their prime and had lived full, interesting lives.

I lost a 2-week character who was just building an exciting life and personality and it stung so bad I left the game for an entire year.


I think we grieve not for our character's lost lives, but rather their lost futures.  But the thing about the future is it's neither real nor limited.  For the one future you've "lost", there are infinite ones you can still have, just as vibrant and joyful if not more so.  All you need to do is just start writing a new beginning, once you're ready.

I feel you on this. The worst is when it was your own fault and was something completely avoidable. After my most recent death, I was bummed all day as I realized all the cool stuff I had lined up, and characters I had interacted with was all erased and no more. It was fun while it lasted though, which is what counts most.

I seem to always have some concept in my head that I want to try out. I'll usually have written out everything about the new character and just tweak things here and there when it comes time to submit it (upon my current chars death :( )



Usually by the time my long lived PCs die, I'm kind of relieved and eager to start a new character ASAP.

But it usually takes me a few days because I obsess over my new PC's details to the point of ridiculousness, just in case they also live for like 3 years.
And I vanish into the dark
And rise above my station

Quote from: Fathi on January 20, 2015, 04:41:58 PM
Usually by the time my long lived PCs die, I'm kind of relieved and eager to start a new character ASAP.

But it usually takes me a few days because I obsess over my new PC's details to the point of ridiculousness, just in case they also live for like 3 years.

Quote from: BadSkeelz on January 20, 2015, 04:45:39 PM
Quote from: Fathi on January 20, 2015, 04:41:58 PM
Usually by the time my long lived PCs die, I'm kind of relieved and eager to start a new character ASAP.

But it usually takes me a few days because I obsess over my new PC's details to the point of ridiculousness, just in case they also live for like 3 years.

+1

I also have a strange sense of relief to go along with my sense of loss when a long-lived PC of mine dies.
Quote from: James de Monet on April 09, 2015, 01:54:57 AM
My phone now autocorrects "damn" to Dman.
Quote from: deathkamon on November 14, 2015, 12:29:56 AM
The young daughter has been filled.

I'm bummed out for a few minutes, then I notice someone new has been recruited into the clan, and I start anticipating how I'm going to kill them, too...that gets me through.

/comic relief
Quote from: Decameron on September 16, 2010, 04:47:50 PM
Character: "I've been working on building a new barracks for some tim-"
NPC: "Yeah, that fell through, sucks but YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIREEE!! FIRE-KANKS!!"

Talia, the bane of our IC existence....
Sometimes, severity is the price we pay for greatness

Quote from: BadSkeelz on January 20, 2015, 04:45:39 PM
Quote from: Fathi on January 20, 2015, 04:41:58 PM
Usually by the time my long lived PCs die, I'm kind of relieved and eager to start a new character ASAP.

But it usually takes me a few days because I obsess over my new PC's details to the point of ridiculousness, just in case they also live for like 3 years.

Ditto.

Staff, players, feel free to kill my characters anywhere, anytime.
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
Kismet: didn't see you in GQ homey
BadSkeelz: Whatever you say, Kim Jong Boog
Quote from: Tuannon
There is only one boog.

Didn't vote as there isn't a "Never" option.

I've had 3 characters out of 21 or so that I consider "long lived" in that they lived a hell of a lot longer than the others.  2 of them damn close to a RL year.  I still look back on their lives and deaths and think "Why did he....?"  "Why did she...?"

My last char didn't last all that long, but I really, really enjoyed playing the role.  I knew that every single time I chose to log in, there was a decent chance they would die.  But the death came as a shock.  I never plan my next character deeply, no desc, no idea on gear or mannerisms or speech patterns, just a concept in the back of my mind, but I had my next app submitted and was back in game in about an hour.  I'm still not over the former one, but I've chosen to invest myself in someone else's life.

My advice?  Take the things you LOVED about the character, look back on those moments when you as a player went...."oh, that was lousy RP" or..."damn, that was an ugly emote".  THEN, think back on those moments when you nearly fell out of your chair laughing, or when you could barely make out the text for the tears, or when you wanted to grab your computer and hug the ever-loving shit out of it. 

Mush all that up in your mind...and make it part of your IG presence going forwards.  Your next character, and the one after that, and the next dozen, will be better for it.

I like that attachment. If I miss them it means they were good.
Varak:You tell the mangy, pointy-eared gortok, in sirihish: "What, girl? You say the sorceror-king has fallen down the well?"
Ghardoan:A pitiful voice rises from the well below, "I've fallen and I can't get up..."

Quote from: Harmless on January 20, 2015, 11:55:33 AM
Hey,

So after sinking Hundreds and Hundreds of RL hours into a character, seeing their plot progress over months, seeing them form a complex life and social circle only to have it suddenly taken away, how long do you think it is normal to feel an emotional response to this?

I wouldn't know, I've never collected enough sentiment on any one character. Mostly they are tools for exploring or creating solo stories and plots and I'm offpeak so I haven't had a solid pc to pc friendship for a very long time. If I had to guess, having and losing a character like this would take me a week to get over, and I'd already be playing a new one meanwhile.

What I tend to be sore about is getting nostalgic for a clan I was in or for friendships and business bonds I had. Those I miss and I fight urges to sneakily alert gdb accounts that I played so and so in the glory of such and such city.

January 21, 2015, 03:01:14 AM #36 Last Edit: January 21, 2015, 03:07:47 AM by bracken
I feel I never want to see those I was close to through the eyes of subsequent PCs.  I miss everything that my PC has gathered  around themselves...lovers, clannies and clan, lived memories, status and connections, skills, wardrobes and gear". A story cut short of its climax. I know that it was my one chance at playing the role I may have dreamed of. (Who wants to play a kuraci cowboy breed twice)
I am saddest when one I started young dies. I feel like a kiddy killer then.  :(

I feel I'm past being consoled by a quicky. Have a story waiting , but go beat Divinity before I jump back in.

I think I voted 2-4 weeks. I'm ready to read the GBD by then.
That beauty and truth should pass utterly

I voted the 'never stop' option, but I feel it to be a bit conditional. I had a pair of long-lived characters back in 2003/4, but nothing so much before or after that, as I tend to do silly things in the name of fun and die.  :P

I'm not eternally saddened by losing them (One totally went out in an awesome manner, and the other was pretty meh, but it all came about with some great rp leading to it, so I was golden.), but when I'll occasionally think about them again, I'll get a little sad and nostalgic about the fun that could've came along had I avoided those deaths.

Then again, I also feel there's a point where a character has likely passed their prime, and might be better off in storage. I haven't found out yet, but I imagine such a character would also be worth grieving a bit now and then.

I voted a few days.  This is mainly, though, based on my current feelings for the game.  Over the 10+ years I've been playing, I've learned to take a step back emotionally from my characters.  I tend to have rather long lived characters, though there are quite a few that lived for a month or so and I grew bored of them and did something stupid.  I lost a gemmer magicker to something stupid, and I THINK she was around for over a year, a year+ ago.  That one kind've hurt, but the pain of it went away after a couple days.  However, with that being said, I still feel the loss at random times of three of my longest lived, and wish I could turn back the clocks and do things differently.
After knocking back a mouthful of the contents of a full shot-glass, toking away on a rolled joint directly afterwards you say in desert-accented sirihish:
"They call me Tuber, and my son is Tuber-tot."

I grieve while I'm writing up the sdesc for my next character. So - maybe a few seconds.
Talia said: Notice to all: Do not mess with Lizzie's GDB. She will cut you.
Delirium said: Notice to all: do not mess with Lizzie's soap. She will cut you.

Honestly, I am more wrecked when the people my characters have any sort of relationship with are killed, disappeared, or otherwise.

My characters, I'm fine with. Yours? No!
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
Kismet: didn't see you in GQ homey
BadSkeelz: Whatever you say, Kim Jong Boog
Quote from: Tuannon
There is only one boog.

How long?  Until the motherfucker finally dies, then I'm sooooo relieved.  :D

Quote from: Kismetic on January 23, 2015, 03:53:20 PM
How long?  Until the motherfucker finally dies, then I'm sooooo relieved.  :D

Hahahahha, jesus. This made me laugh so hard because sometimes it's so fucking true.

Quote from: Kismetic on January 23, 2015, 03:53:20 PM
How long?  Until the motherfucker finally dies, then I'm sooooo relieved.  :D

This. I generally feel more relieved than sad. They had their story. Time to move on.
Sometimes it feels like reading a book series that the author should have wrapped up several books ago.

My cuddle-puddle Krathi was the only exception.  He had a lot of story left in him, but DAMN, did he go out with a bang. :D
Quote from: Twilight on January 22, 2013, 08:17:47 PMGreb - To scavenge, forage, and if Whira is with you, loot the dead.
Grebber - One who grebs.

I think it depends on how the character died as well. I was really torn up about killing a longer lived character, who was very involved in quite a few really interesting things, by essentially making a typo. I can say with absolute certainty that if that character had been killed for having been found out for being best friends with a rogue Krathi, it would have been expected. If that mammoth tailed kryl had come along and pinched his head clean off, it would have been circumstances. If he'd just been whisked away by a bored whiran, it would've been just the generally dangerous world getting to him. Dying because of a typo...especially the sort that causes your longer lived character to do something they wouldn't ever do? It's the equivalent of reading an amazing book, and then suddenly having the last sentence of it, that subsequently ends the character's life and story, be in another language you can't even comprehend...and then there'll be a little picture of a mantis head.

Quote from: ABoredLion on February 02, 2015, 03:59:06 PM
I think it depends on how the character died as well. I was really torn up about killing a longer lived character, who was very involved in quite a few really interesting things, by essentially making a typo. I can say with absolute certainty that if that character had been killed for having been found out for being best friends with a rogue Krathi, it would have been expected. If that mammoth tailed kryl had come along and pinched his head clean off, it would have been circumstances. If he'd just been whisked away by a bored whiran, it would've been just the generally dangerous world getting to him. Dying because of a typo...especially the sort that causes your longer lived character to do something they wouldn't ever do? It's the equivalent of reading an amazing book, and then suddenly having the last sentence of it, that subsequently ends the character's life and story, be in another language you can't even comprehend...and then there'll be a little picture of a mantis head.

Yeah, I hate it when misconceptions of the code or typos do things like that. Like, even if I want the damn fucker to die, not -that- way, jeebus! What's even worse is when no one even seems to know your PC is dead, and it's like, uh-oh, I really wish the circumstances of this were at least known to a few, but there's nothing I can do.
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Quote from: bcw81
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It's a mixed sense of sadness, pain and guilt and the aftertastes of fondness and missing the character. I'm not sure if I'll forget my one prominent and character that made me the most proud, but life goes on and you find yourself in much more interesting adventures with new characters with your new character.

Oddly the character I miss most is one I played for less than a day. I plotted her out while playing a much longer lived pc. I spent months on her desc. And I was so bummed when I didn't get a chance to really play her.
Varak:You tell the mangy, pointy-eared gortok, in sirihish: "What, girl? You say the sorceror-king has fallen down the well?"
Ghardoan:A pitiful voice rises from the well below, "I've fallen and I can't get up..."

My last few characters have all been "long-lived."  One lasted a good few RL months while the others were a good two or three (it all blurs together) RL years.

I usually wait a good few months (3 - 6) to get the last character out of my system.
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I've come to the conclusion that relaxing is not the lack of doing anything, but doing something that comes easily to you.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.