I was more self conscious about my roleplay, especially solo roleplay, when there were staff members like Karianna, Naephet, and Sanvean, who I really respected and looked up to. I'm not saying that the current staff members are not worthy of respect or being looked up to, but maybe that's because I do not know them, save for random names approving my characters or sending me complaints/critiques that I am not using this skill properly. Such has not always been the case.
Once I had a Kuraci agent who practiced backstab on a minion. Instead of chewing me out, a polite redirection was issued. They didn't threaten to take away my karma. They didn't speak rudely to me. I was happy to oblige, since they told me nicely that it wasn't cool and weren't, well, aggressive or mean. I see a lot of aggression, critiquing, and negative feedback from staff these days - more than positive, to be sure - but that's probably just me. But what can you expect when the staff members who once guided you are long gone?
Of course, this was when I was a teenager and had the mentality of a football player looking to a coach. A lot of the staff then were really good coaches, and I looked to them as figureheads and role models. Maybe this is an age thing for me, but I just don't feel that way any more. I respect staff members for their contributions and time to the game, but really not any more than I respect a player who has put a lot into the game. Some don't give me the vibe of being leaders/role models, but of being critics. The distinction is profound, especially when some players are criticized for some actions while others aren't.
I remember receiving invitations for roles, requests for documentation adds, and even more. That doesn't happens now. Really, the only correspondence I have had in the last year from a staff member has been a critique of a character with less than ten days played, and it wasn't even constructive feedback: it was chastisement.
Once, Sanvean made a post about players roleplaying more when they thought someone was around. That's probably true, but I don't see the problem with it. Vox is an actor that plays Armageddon. Does he amp up his character while he's at the grocery store or brushing his teeth? Probably not. And for the same reason, I don't really go all out emotes when I'm by myself.
What am I getting at? I don't really feel that self conscious about my RP these days. I will recheck the docs and try to insert them appropriately into my roleplay, but that's in the name of playing the game, and not out of some desire to play on par with people who have tried to guide me, include me, and respect me. Again, I think that's mainly an age thing, the growing out of a need to match wits with eloquent and respected writers, but it also has to do with the divisiveness of staff and player base, which seems greater now than it ever has before.
When I say RP here, I mean more of the writing-based part of Arm, not doing what I think my character would do ICly vs OOCly.
In the end, I have learned to play Armageddon for myself and for the people I play with, and if they don't like my roleplay, they can go play with someone else. Or if they're an imm, they can send critiques/threats to remove the karma I've earned over fourteen years, instead of positive feedback or suggestions for improving what they believe is improperly playing the game
In two years, the only feedback I have received from staff were three emails in a week chastising me for playing a class that, in fourteen years, I had never played OR applied to play before. It made me terribly self conscious, and probably because I was depressed IRL, I cried at work, stored the character, and did not play for ten months. So, I feel you on having feelings of self consciousness, and I apologize if it is a particular person who has made you feel that way.
I would roleplay with you without judgment. That is, unless you were playing a human who had sex with half-giant midgets. Then I probably could not help but to be a smidge judgmental.
