Muk was a large man.

Started by Flaming Ocotillo, December 05, 2006, 09:32:10 AM

Print
Go Down Pages1 2 All
User actions
December 05, 2006, 09:32:10 AM
http://www.zalanthas.org/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=24087  (The Muk Utep story)

Now that we all know Muk was a large man (near eight feet from head to toe), and that he is easily the most impressive warrior on any battlefield, and that he has hair the color of crimson (a color he knows all too well), and that he has the ability to see foretell the future (making him unstoppable, for who could ever stop a foe, who always knew what you were going to do before even you did), how do we all feel about this?
December 05, 2006, 09:34:28 AM #1
Hell ya. Punk-bitch Tek.
Wynning since October 25, 2008.

Quote from: Ami on November 23, 2010, 03:40:39 PM
>craft newbie into good player

You accidentally snap newbie into useless pieces.

Discord:The7DeadlyVenomz#3870
December 05, 2006, 09:40:00 AM #2
Quotefor who could ever stop a foe, who always knew what you were going to do before even you did

My boy Tek, that's who!  :twisted:
December 05, 2006, 10:22:19 AM #3
The threads branch. On one thread Utep rose to power, like we know. On the other branch, he died of dysentery,  his soul leaking out his ass. Tektolnez conquers the Northlands, and there is no Rebellion. Without Utep stirring up trouble, the North and South reach a greater understanding, and everyone comes away the better for it. Then the halflings attack the pacified centers of Civilization in the great invasion later known as: Lunch.

Ahh! What the world could have been!

-WP enjoyed the story greatly, though he expected Utep to be a little more... girly. Can't wait for the adventures of Tek.
We were somewhere near the Shield Wall, on the edge of the Red Desert, when the drugs began to take hold...
December 05, 2006, 10:31:41 AM #4
Muk Utep: And if this is your army, why does it go?

Soldier: We didn't come here to fight for them.

Second Soldier: Home, the Allanakis are too many!

Muk Utep: Sons of Tuluk! I am William Wallace, I mean, I am Muk Utep!

Second Soldier: Muk Utep is eight feet tall and can foretell ze future!

Muk Utep: Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds. And if HE were here, he'd consume the English, I mean, the Allanakis, with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse.

[Tuluk army laughs]

Muk Utep: I AM Muk Utep! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?

Soldier: This HRPT blows! I'll just stand back and loot the corpses when it's over.
"When I was a fighting man, the kettle-drums they beat;
The people scattered gold-dust before my horse's feet;
But now I am a great king, the people hound my track
With poison in my wine-cup, and daggers at my back."
December 05, 2006, 01:38:18 PM #5
change objective Have Muk's large, impressive, crimson-haired, future-telling babies.
Quote from: Vanth on February 13, 2008, 05:27:50 PM
I'm gonna go all Gimfalisette on you guys and lay down some numbers.
December 05, 2006, 03:56:25 PM #6
Quote from: "Flaming Ocotillo"who could ever stop a foe, who always knew what you were going to do before even you did?

THAT IS EASY.  For as everyone knows, the weakness of all immortal, future-seeing, impressively large men is that they can NOT SEE INTO THE FUTURE OF EACH OTHER.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first.  Muk Utep can not see into the future of his most deadly enemy, so powerful is he!!  Thus, they can never defeat one another and so their clash will last centuries.  MILLENIA, EVEN?!?!
Child, child, if you come to this doomed house, what is to save you?

A voice whispers, "Read the tales upon the walls."
December 05, 2006, 04:09:09 PM #7
Muk Utep died a long time ago, he foresaw his death, told his most loyal generals what would happen, told them that as long as they didn't reveal his death to the masses the future would not change.

THE END.
"When I was a fighting man, the kettle-drums they beat;
The people scattered gold-dust before my horse's feet;
But now I am a great king, the people hound my track
With poison in my wine-cup, and daggers at my back."
December 05, 2006, 04:29:57 PM #8
You call him WARLORD, bitch.
Child, child, if you come to this doomed house, what is to save you?

A voice whispers, "Read the tales upon the walls."
December 06, 2006, 04:05:07 AM #9
I wonder if anyone would bow to Utep - given the standard practice to nod to Nobility and Templarate within the North.

Can kind of picture a bunch of guys just sitting around at the Kings Sancutary, offering a casual nod to the eight foot beast as he stomps through the tavern. While the southern bynner there shits himself (no surprise)

"Oh yeah? That guy? Yeah. Sun King. King of all you see before you, savoir of .. blah blah blah. Good guy though. Pretty nice when you get to know him. Predicted my girlfriend getting crabs - funny story..."

Meanwhile if Tek stepped in to the Barrel, you'd probably kiss the floor so hard you'd barely be able to feel the sensation of your testacles strinking to the size of peas as you urinate yourself. The northerner bynner looking around before pointing to him...

"Who's tha-"
Bursts into flames.
December 06, 2006, 04:12:31 AM #10
Sand Lord destroys all.
December 06, 2006, 07:15:33 AM #11
Its cheating.  Muk is outside the permitted height range, and I'm pretty sure none of the Class descriptions in the help files mentions precognition.
December 06, 2006, 09:41:15 AM #12
Quote from: "Nameless Face"Its cheating.  Muk is outside the permitted height range, and I'm pretty sure none of the Class descriptions in the help files mentions precognition.

Except, you know, mindbenders.
esperas: I wouldn't have gotten over the most-Arm-players-are-assholes viewpoint if I didn't get the chance to meet any.
   
   Cegar:   most Arm players are assholes.
   Ethean:   Most arm players are assholes.
     [edited]:   most arm players are assholes
December 06, 2006, 10:35:27 AM #13
Quote from: "Spiegel"I wonder if anyone would bow to Utep - given the standard practice to nod to Nobility and Templarate within the North.

Can kind of picture a bunch of guys just sitting around at the Kings Sancutary, offering a casual nod to the eight foot beast as he stomps through the tavern. While the southern bynner there shits himself (no surprise)

"Oh yeah? That guy? Yeah. Sun King. King of all you see before you, savoir of .. blah blah blah. Good guy though. Pretty nice when you get to know him. Predicted my girlfriend getting crabs - funny story..."

Meanwhile if Tek stepped in to the Barrel, you'd probably kiss the floor so hard you'd barely be able to feel the sensation of your testacles strinking to the size of peas as you urinate yourself. The northerner bynner looking around before pointing to him...

"Who's tha-"
Bursts into flames.

Probably a wise thing to kiss the floor and pray you don't get noticed when -any- ruler King stomps into view.   :shock:
brainz: it's what's for dinner.
December 06, 2006, 10:50:56 AM #14
Is anyone else but me picturing Muk-Utep as Brock Sampson from the Venture Bros?


And Tektolnes would have to be the Monarch, or Baron Unterbite.
I seduced the daughters of men
And made the death of them.
I demanded human sacrifices
From the rest of them.
I became the spirit that haunted
And protected them.
And I lived in the tower of flame
But death collected them.
-War is my Destiny, Ill Bill
December 06, 2006, 10:53:31 AM #15
Quote from: "Shalooonsh"Is anyone else but me picturing Muk-Utep as Brock Sampson from the Venture Bros?


And Tektolnes would have to be the Monarch, or Baron Unterbite.

I am now.  Damn you!

(definitely the Monarch.  It's going to be hard to bow to templars now... I'm going to imagine them with butterfly wings)
December 06, 2006, 11:23:18 AM #16
change objective Fuck Muk Utep (but only if he's still alive and really hot)
December 06, 2006, 12:08:33 PM #17
Muk Utep is man enough for eight men.  And women.
Child, child, if you come to this doomed house, what is to save you?

A voice whispers, "Read the tales upon the walls."
December 06, 2006, 12:20:48 PM #18
Quote from: "Spiegel"I wonder if anyone would bow to Utep - given the standard practice to nod to Nobility and Templarate within the North.

For one thing, it's a nod or other polite gesture of deference because bowing fell out of fashion during the Occupation where people were forced to bow to foreign officials.  Also it's not a casual nod.  It's a clear show of respect.  Prostrating yourself before your godking is not out of the question for a Tuluki.
Any questions, comments, or condemnations to an eternity of fiery torment?

Waving a hammer, the irate, seething crafter says, in rage-accented sirihish :
"Be impressed.  Now!"
December 06, 2006, 12:45:21 PM #19
Yes, people would bow/kneel/prostrate before the Sun King or His Voice, the High Precentor. However, they probably wouldn't do it the whole time said person was present, in the case of work needing to be attended to such as a meeting or celebration or something.
Quote from: Vanth on February 13, 2008, 05:27:50 PM
I'm gonna go all Gimfalisette on you guys and lay down some numbers.
December 06, 2006, 01:50:35 PM #20
I apologize for not clarifying how the Tuluki commoners were giving a very serious nod to Utep Muk in the joke.  :roll:

I am sure plenty of people would have broken noses in both cases from over-extended bowing. Might be better off just laying down.

I'd go with Baron Unterbite for Tek - atleast he doesn't have a completely effeminate voice. Instead of being able to see the future, he has that Magic 8-ball guy. Giving some credit to Tek's ability as a general, I mean Muk can completely see the future, all Tek has to go on is "Outcome looks good." or the dreaded "Ask again later."
December 06, 2006, 02:33:36 PM #21
Quote from: "Spiegel"I apologize for not clarifying how the Tuluki commoners were giving a very serious nod to Utep Muk in the joke.  :roll:

I am sure plenty of people would have broken noses in both cases from over-extended bowing. Might be better off just laying down.

This was said as a joke, but it isn't far from the mark.  Templars of both sects, senior nobles and other high ranked officials would like prostrate themselves completely before some of the highest ranked government officials such as a High Precentor or the King.  Bowing is out of fashion for the Chosen and Faithful, because of the relationships fostered during the occupation, but it would be rare for anyone to forget the almost limitless power that the truly high in the government wield.  Of course, seeing one of these people is rare enough that it would be a story to tell your kids and grandkids one day.
brainz: it's what's for dinner.
December 06, 2006, 06:27:07 PM #22
I always thought Mek Utep died in the conflict with the dragon. Tuluk from then was more or less ruled by the most powerful mindbenders in the lands.
December 06, 2006, 09:46:24 PM #23
Muk Utep is really Trogdor in disguise.
Quote from: AnaelYou know what I love about the word panic?  In Czech, it's the word for "male virgin".
December 07, 2006, 03:03:36 AM #24
I also always thought Muk Utep is somewhat incapacipated or dead. Maybe one day he'll rise from the dead then Tuluk will have his own gemmers.
quote="Ghost"]Despite the fact he is uglier than all of us, and he has a gay look attached to all over himself, and his being chubby (I love this word) Cenghiz still gets most of the girls in town. I have no damn idea how he does that.[/quote]
Print
Go Up Pages1 2 All
User actions