Farewell, Crackageddon

[Taven]

Hello everyone,

I am permanently quitting Armageddon.

This is not a new or sudden choice for me; though what made me leave at this time is the culmination of long-term frustrations with staff over the last six or seven RL months. I do not care to elaborate on those at this time. I do thank staff, however, for working with me to resolve and store my character, helping me to take extra steps to help finish my characters' PC story.

My advice to the GDB at large is that if you have a good, supportive staffer that enables you, that encourages you, that you refresh your email just because you look forward to seeing their reply to your requests: Send them kudos. Let them know how wonderful and amazing they are.

However, my decision to store, while influenced by the last few months, is ultimately not about staff at all. It's about me. And this post to say good-bye? It's really about you.

We jokingly call this game "Crackageddon" because of how fun and addictive it is. I know that for me, and many out there, there's a painful truth behind that. It's easy to lose yourself in this wonderful, immersive world of ours, to prioritize your character over getting out and about in the world, over seeing friends, over doing what you have always dreamed. It's easy to ignore this and make excuses, and pretend you are not addicted.

The truth is, I cannot stop playing Armageddon if I am having fun. I will log in during the week for five or six hours every day. I will stay up until the early AMs despite having work. I will spend my waking moments thinking about what my character will do next, planning and obsessing when I am not near a computer.

This is why I am quitting. Because from now on, my life will belong to me, not my character. Because from now on, I am going to prioritize my dreams, my friends, my goals.

Many of you may laugh and wonder how someone could be this bad, this crazy, about a game. But I am not the only addicted player. I am not the only one who pours so many hours into this game, who neglects friends and family.


These are the signs of addiction:


1. Salience – The activity becomes the most important thing in an individual's life.

• Cognitive Salience – When an individual often thinks about the activity.
• Behavioral Salience – When an individual neglects basic necessities, such as sleep, food, or hygiene, so as to perform the activity.

If you are regularly putting off sleep in favor of playing Armageddon, this is you. If you cannot stop thinking about Armageddon, if you constantly dream about what your character will do, this is you. If you would rather do Armageddon over nearly anything else, this is you.


2. Mood Change – Subjective experiences are affected by the activity.

If your mood matches how things are going for you and your character in Armageddon, this could be you. If actions of other players or staff have the ability to either make you extremely happy in your life as a whole, or extremely angry and upset, this could be you. If your mood because of something that happened the last time you logged in follows you around, to work, to school, when you're doing other things: This is definitely you.


3. Tolerance – The process requires continually higher doses of the activity to achieve the original sensations.

Armageddon is a game driven by people. The high that it gives often results from finally connecting with the right people. If you feel antsy if you don't log in, but when you do will commit hours of your time to staying in the game, just hoping you'll find the right person to make it fun, then you qualify here.


4. Withdrawal Symptoms – Negative feelings and sensations that accompany not being able to perform the online activity or termination of the online activity.

If you need to log on every day or you get antsy, this is you. If you will occasionally do other activities first, but it only serves to remind you that you haven't logged in yet, this is you. Sometimes, it is possible to go without logging in for awhile, if sufficiently distracted. This can be a way to lie to yourself that you don't really have a problem. However, if you are routinely logging in for hours a day, and this is the primary thing you want to do: You do have a problem.


5. Conflict – Interpersonal or intrapersonal conflict caused by the online activity.

• Conflict is often accompanied by deterioration in school or work results and abandonment of previous hobbies.

Think about back before you played Armageddon. For many of us it may be multiple years; for me it is almost a decade. What did you do with your free time then? What did you love to look forward to doing? For me, the answer is writing and drawing, by in large.

If you have ever had Armageddon get to the point where it is causing a lack of focus on your school work, you are addicted. If it is causing you to have a poor sleep schedule, if it is making you not do as well at work... Do not try to pretend this is otherwise, if it is happening. If this is happening, your life and priorities are out of perspective.


6. Relapse – The tenancy to return to addictive behavior even after periods of relative control.

When we say that Armageddon is an addiction, I like to think of it like being an alcoholic. Maybe this isn't true for everyone; but it's true for me. If you are an alcoholic, you don't tell yourself that just one drink is okay. You don't tell yourself that you can drink in moderation. If you do tell yourself these things, you will end up drinking again. This is true with Armageddon. Please, do not let it fool you.


I realize that not everyone is an Armageddon addict. There are some of you who can genuinely play this game and enjoy it, and not let it take over everything in your life. That is wonderful, and if that is the case, keep playing. However, I know I am not the only one out there with this problem. If this is you, quit.

Don't do what I did. Don't tell yourself "I'll quit when this event happens". Don't pick a future date. It is tempting to want to see certain things resolved and finalized, and I've been there too. I've been there for a very, very long time. But the truth is, if you are an addict, this is a problem right now. It will be a problem for as long as you allow it to be one.

Quitting is hard. But if you are determined, you can do anything. Even leave this game.

I am taking the steps I need to insure that I will be permanently leaving: I will ask staff to ban me from both the game and from the GDB. It is possible I will eventually return to the GDB, but I won't be playing again.

So I say good-bye to you, the people I have made so many stories with, and had the pleasure of meeting so many characters of, the people I have argued with and discussed with here on the GDB. Don't think of this as a sad parting: Instead, know that I am doing something good for my life.

[TheWanderer]

Well. Okay.

in before that nerd named "armaddict" posts

[BlackMagic0]

I like toast.

[BadSkeelz]

Evershine, Taven.

[Kalden]

Solid message. It's difficult for me to maintain a balance as well.

It's particularly frustrating as it's rather easy to get wrapped up into a position where other people rely upon you. I don't like to disappoint, but I can't put these in-game obligations above my many other obligations.

[wizturbo]

Godspeed!   I think the 'ban me' part is overkill, especially your GDB account, but whatever gets you out into the world to get into RL adventures I support

[Shoka Windrunner]

Farewell.  I just came back not to awful long ago, and I at first had all of this going on.  And because of a crazy circumstance I'm up this late typing this, but that shouldn't be common.

But I felt this for a few days after coming back too.  Though I make video game video's for a living.  So sitting at my computer is normal for me really.  But I get it.  I hope everything goes well for you and enjoy your time in the sun. 

[Rathustra]

Goodbye, Taven. You were one of the reasons I stuck out my first tenure as Tuluki admin, despite other problems at the time.

But even before that you kept me in the game by giving my AoD private Shem someone to care about. Good luck with whatever you do.

[Raptor_Dan]

You're a great writer, Taven. I hope you find... something better, healthier. I hope you reach a point where you can visit us and argue about the semantics of tribals' use of idioms regarding a fictional, extinct mount, or just comment on other games. If not, that's okay.

You're a great writer, and a good person, especially for taking the time to post this. Thank you.

[Riev]

I've felt this a bunch of times, and usually after a few months I find myself wondering how a certain person would be represented. I don't know if I'm happier in those break periods, but I know that my normal life is often affected by what happens to my PC that day.

Good luck, Taven. Your well thought-out posts have always been a huge help to my understanding of the game and the community.

[Miradus]

I get it. Good luck, man.

[Malifaxis]

Peace dude, and may life be kind.  You are an amazing person, and a tremendous player.  Take it easy.

[SuchDragonWow]

Hey, good for you, Taven.  I'm wishing the best for you, kiddo.  I, too, found myself floundering as I started playing video games late in life, after I'd already accomplished success in the real world.  But what happened was, I became so focused on those video games, my personal relationships began to fall apart.  And I really need to fix that.  So, thanks for the reminder.  Even though it has nothing to do with Arm, I could definitely take a look at how I spend my time.

[Pale Horse]

Good luck to you, friend.

I've been questioning my own online behavior and the hours I pour into the game, as well.  Your post is a good reminder and wake-up call to those of us who might need it.

[Malken]

Yeah, this is why I don't think I'll ever really be "playing" Armageddon again. It has nothing to do with Staff or the game itself.

I know that when I'm really into a character, there's no way I will go to bed at 10 pm every night or spend those extra 1-2 hours with my gf just lovingly doing nothing on the couch together and watching television and falling asleep in her arms. Or take the extra time to make sure that my essays are near perfect or that I'm cooking really good dinners, etc...

Armageddon would always be tugging at the back of my mind like.. Just log in for half an hour to get some training then log out and go cook - I know that this is just a lie and I'll probably stay much longer.

With "normal" video games I can quit easily whenever I want to (which is really true) and by now I usually even get bored with them before it becomes "dangerous".

Anyway, good on you Taven and I'm just a little sad because you were really dedicated to Arm and it really needs players like you -badly- these days.

[Feco]

Sad to see you go, glad to see you shifting your priorities to make yourself happier.

[ShaLeah]

Is this serious?


He/She will be back.

[deathkamon]

Good luck in the real world, man. You've been an amazing person to RP with, and I wish you all the best later on in life!

[Delirium]

Hey, Taven, lots of good memories. So long and thanks for all the MCB.

[wizturbo]

Is this serious?
He/She will be back.

I hope not.  At least not for a long time.  Taven's got some living to do.

[LauraMars]

Bye, Taven

Will always remember the great times we had with that giant cookie at the Fale Party.  Good luck!

[Marauder Moe]

Oh my god that cookie...


Anyway, good luck Taven.  I've definitely been there with the addiction.  It's possible to achieve balance with this game afterwards, but you do what you gotta do.

[Armaddict]

Well. Okay.

in before that nerd named "armaddict" posts

NO U R A NERD.  AND U R WRONG.  Now let me keep free-basing this text cuz it makes me...makes me feel so goooood.

Fare thee well, brave Taven, know that the addicted nerds behind you mourn the loss.

[Exen44]

I don't know you but I understand why you left.

Shade and profit, Taven.

[Seeker]

Well, shit.  We are poorer.  Go make yourself richer, then, dammit.

You were a stellar playmate. 


Seeker

[Is Friday]

Godspeed.

[RogueGunslinger]

You will be missed. Best of luck.

[Melkor]

Hello. I'm Melkor. I am an Arm Addict.
(hello Melkor)
It has been about 30 seconds since I have last played.... I already want to log back in.
I was off the wagon for nearly 10 years, with Jesus Christ on my side.... Last week, I got to reminiscing.... Then, before I knew what I was even doing, I had already submitted a character App... It was over. 10 years in a flash.
Every minute of my free-time is now within Zalanthas. It is even worse now than it was for me 10 years ago... Now I can play when I am away from home, on my smart-phone. I find myself playing on my 10 minute breaks at work, and on my lunch break. I literally struggled not to play on the drive to and from work. (though I did not. driving is dangerous, kids). I would like to find a balance, but I cannot reasonably see that happening, especially now that my character is ~~involved~~ in totally cool events. It has gotten to the point I am even thinking of getting my woman hooked on it....
The addiction is real...
and fuck is it good.




P.s. Good luck with all of your future endeavors, friend. I hope you have some wonderful adventures.

[Pretentious]

I have no idea if I've ever had the privilege of RPing with you, Taven.

That said, I can't recall a post on the GDB from you that hasn't been enlightening, inspirational, and plain out awesome.

You will be missed.

I'm incredibly sad that you feel the need to banned from both the game and the GDB to deal with the issues the game presents to you. I very much hope you return to the GDB at the very least, and perhaps one day the game itself - although I fully understand how it can demand more attention than is strictly healthy.

[Harmless]

Farewell. I understand fully. My happiest years of life, maybe, were those when I was not actively playing arm. I think my goal is to play a character's life to a satiafying end then take a long break from the game ao I can look back on the story that was made between me and my fellow players. I definitely have had a few signs of addiction in the past. I think I may be coming up on another year-long break soon, I hope, and look forward to that more now that I read your helpful post. Take care and good luck in life.

[WanderingOoze]

I don't know whether or not I interacted with you
In game or not, but It's always a bummer to see one
of you vets go.

But, as someone who suffers from addiction and has been/is
in treatment/programs for it I definitely recognize a lot of the
signs in your post if I substitute a few word. Just want to say
good luck, hope you find peace in your 'sobriety'.

[650Booger]

sad to lose a veteran!  best of luck to you on your journey of self discovery.

[James de Monet]

I missed this thread.  I thought the GDB felt a little quieter and a little less shiny, lately. 

You will be missed.  If it's something you really struggle to control, cutting ties is the best thing you can do for yourself.