Hints for excellent character descriptions

[Morrolan]

Here are some hints for building a character description. Everyone has their own way, and there is no "one size fits all." I would be really happy if other players add their comments.

For the main description:

• In the description, put references to your most prominent features (those used in the short description) right up front.
• For things like hairstyles, beards, and other things that you might want to change, do not put them in the main description. For instance, you might include hair color, but leave length out of it so that the hair can grow be cut, and styled (in your tdesc)
• Once you have the main features out of the way, work your way from top to bottom, or bottom to top. So, perhaps: hair color, head, face, chin, neck, chest, arms, body, legs
• Try not to add things that will likely be covered.

For the short description:

• When you pick out descriptors, choose one "close up" and one "far away" descriptor. So, for instance, the "brown-skinned, wide-mouthed man" This way, people trying to describe you from three rooms away do not end up with the "Um, he had blue eyes" problem.
• Do not put height in the descriptor. It is very jarring to see "the tall man" pull up his hood and become "the short figure."

For the temporary description (tdesc):

• Save your basic tdesc in a file somewhere. Include information that is usually true: current hairstyle, how shaved you are (does your character carry a razor? Use a piece of obsidian?),
• Change your tdesc when your character gets wounded and as they heal (especially all you in sparring clans)

These are not hard and fast rules, just suggestions from another player.

Everyone else, please add your own bits.

Morrolan

[musashi]

Whenever possible, try to make your sdesc end in something other than man/woman/elf/ect.

Something like: the breed with no hair

That way, if you ever get the chance to put on a templar robe, it'll be hilarious.

[Spoon]

It's totally my personal taste, but I'm not a fan of head-to-toe main descriptions. I find it makes people describe things that are not particularly interesting or prominent. Like calves, for example. I mean, unless you don't have them, or your PC is the fast guy from Time Bandits...

I just think a character's build can be described more creatively and concisely as opposed to a check-list. Limbs can be described in a single sentence, and so can general build/shape.

[Aaron Goulet]

Whenever possible, try to make your sdesc end in something other than man/woman/elf/ect.

Something like: the breed with no hair

That way, if you ever get the chance to put on a templar robe, it'll be hilarious.

Personally, I prefer man/woman/elf/mul/etc. at the end.   

[Lizzie]

For my reading pleasure (since you're creating descs so that other people are reading them, and I'm one of the people reading them):

tl;dr version: Don't make your character description be just the head. Or I'll start wondering if there's a head rolling around without a body. He has a head, hair/bald pate/and body of some kind or another. Give a liittle hint so we have a clue, please.

Include in the MDESC:

Hair - exists or not? If exists, what color/length/quality? If not, is it *prominently* inked? (A tiny little rose near the nape of his neck is not prominent and is not likely to even be noticed if you're always wearing a collar, or cloak, cape, aba, hood, etc. etc.)
Eyes - 2, or something else? What color, anything special about them?
Face - anything special about it? Scars, inks, etc.
Head - odd shaped?

Body - type/shape/oddities - this is where you need to do comparatives. If your character is an elf, remember elves are typically skinny. If your elf is skinny, is he UNUSUALLY skinny, or just typically skinny? If he's typically skinny, then word it such that the reader will understand this. If he's more skinny than elves are known to be, word it such that the reader will understand this.

Include limbs; "his arms blah blah, with legs typically long for his kind" or "his right foot appears slightly bigger than his left" or "he's so fat his knees haven't seen each other since before the deluge."

Skin color: remember, pale skin is -not- common, among commoners. Pale skin is not necessarily considered exotic, either. Among commoners, it's more likely to be considered a mutation. It's okay to have pale skin, as long as you recognize the potential consequences of your character spending his life in the harsh desert sun without SPF50.

Body inks/scars: We now have tdesc. We didn't used to have it, and so we had to put prominent body inks/scars in our mdescs, or else RP their existence, which gets clunky. So now, you really have no reason to include the huge snake ink running from your left nipple to your crotch, unless you walk around with both nipple and crotch and everything inbetween exposed. Instead, save it for a tdesc, on those occasions when you -are- walking around with those parts exposed. Remember to change the tdesc back when you get dressed.

CONVERSELY: you can write something like "Every exposed part of his body is covered with inks/scars/splotches/blisters/etc" and that will -imply- what you want the reader to know, without the awkwardness of having to force the player to know something he shouldn't be able to know while your character is fully/mostly dressed. And then, embellish with the tdesc of specifics, when it's appropriate.

Flow of writing:

It doesn't have to be head to toe. But it does need to make sense to the imagination. Example of bad flow:

This elf's eyes are blue, feet big, and he has a green-tinged left earlobe. His right pinky finger is missing with arms that flow down to his hips with long legs. And big lips.

Example of the above, with better flow:

This elf's face bears big lips set under blue eyes. His left earlobe has a green tinge to it. His arms extend from his shoulders to his hips; the right hand is missing its pinky finger. He has long legs.

So it's not poetry. But it provides a more fluid image in the mind. It doesn't have to be "good," it just needs to make sense.

Also, spelling, and dictionary. Just because a word means another word, doesn't mean it's the right word to use in the descripton. For example:

Fat is a greasy substance. That doesn't mean that when you write "This is a greasy man" people will know he's fat. So don't do that. Make sure that the word you're including, REALLY means what you want the reader to understand.

[Is Friday]

I like making my character's mdescs 5 lines or less if I can. Nobody wants to sit around and read a huge desc, especially if there's a lot being worn by a PC. No one wants to scroll up and read your mdesc.... Or spend 15 minutes doing it.

[valeria]

An alternative way to do it, other than head to toe, is have your first sentence be the first thing you would notice about the character, and the last sentence be the second thing you would notice about the character (or... longer descriptions of your sdesc words).  Most people who are skimming read first and last sentences.

As for the hair thing, I personally find it a lot less jarring for someone to have a 'default' hair or facial hair style in their mdesc, and change it in their tdesc if it's been changed.  So that if your tdesc is taken up by something else, you don't just have brown hair that is otherwise impossible to visualize.

[Nyr]

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             (
              )
         __..---..__
     ,-='  /  |  \  `=-.
    :--..___________..--;
     \.,_____________,./
          NYR PAH
Nyr Pah is in excellent condition.

<head>                   an empty left eyesocket
<floating about head>    a glowing shiny bit
<face>                   a blood-red ritualistic scar
<neck>                   an angular azure anakore tattoo
<worn across back>       a large, leather backsheath
<worn on torso>          a pair of voluptuous bosoms
<worn on left shoulder>  a crooked cop GDB badge
<left wrist>             a pitch-black ritualistic scar
<worn as belt>           a leather pouched belt
<hung from belt>         a worn leather quiver

[RogueGunslinger]

Leather pouched belts are the best.

Not wearing any pants or boots Nyr?

[Riya OniSenshi]

Nyr transcends pants.

[Bacon]

I don't care for head to toe descriptions unless there is something out of the ordinary about everything described. I don't care about your calves or the size of your feet unless there is something unusual about them. I also don't mind if they don't mention their whole body if there is nothing particularly odd about it. A simple line about how average it is will do. Agreed about not mentioning hair, bald, etc. As for what someone said about using tall in their desc and then seeing them short, two things...one: if they chose a tall height for their race it shouldn't be an issue and two: it's not their fault if they did pick a proper height that goes with that descriptor for their race and you just happen to be another race that is going to see everyone of their race as a different size descriptor with a hood up. The point is that they are describing themselves in terms of someone of their race.

[Talia]

One thing I see a lot of which is not necessarily bad or wrong, but which is also not particularly interesting writing, is the "his head connects to his neck, which connects to his body, which leads into arms and legs, which ends in feet" style of description.

[Desertman]

One thing I see a lot of which is not necessarily bad or wrong, but which is also not particularly interesting writing, is the "his head connects to his neck, which connects to his body, which leads into arms and legs, which ends in feet" style of description.

I am guilty of this.

It just seems like there should be an order...or something...

[Lizzie]

I usually go from head to toe, or head/torso/limbs and stick body shape wherever it seems to make sense to fit it (if her body is average, it's just part of the rest of the desc. If there's something remarkable about it, it'll go up top or at the bottom).

I don't really try to be interesting with my mdescs. I try to give the reader a clear, concise textual image of what my character looks like. I find the whole "her blood-red hair, flowing like a stream of crisp fresh ginka wine from a thick, heavy gold-rimmed glass flask on a mid-Nekrete afternoon in Luir's Outpost, right after a sandstorm"... to be too much for me to bother reading, and so I try not to impose it on readers when I'm creating my own for them. For me, a little prose goes a long way. Other people might like different methods. That's my personal preference.

[ShaLeah]

Tip -  (save for eye color) you shouldn't add things that cannot be seen while clothed. How do I know you have an intricate tattoo scrolling down your X if you constantly have a cloak and a helm on? You're missing a toe or finger? How can I tell if you have boots or gloves on?

I like making my character's mdescs 5 lines or less if I can. Nobody wants to sit around and read a huge desc, especially if there's a lot being worn by a PC. No one wants to scroll up and read your mdesc.... Or spend 15 minutes doing it.

Hi! I'm nobody! I personally like detailed descriptions that fuel my imagination but am not opposed to the short main descs.  

We had a discussion on TeamSpeak about using words like winsome (I used that one once!), handsome, beguiling and such and while I'm okay with them because I want that impression for the reader, some don't agree and think it's only fine for NPCs. I tend to stop looking at the sdesc of a character once my character gets to know them and have personally witnessed sultry, macho people become hideously ugly as their personalities emerge and that horribly disfigured merc look hot as Brad Pitt.

[Nyr]

We had a discussion on TeamSpeak about using words like winsome (I used that one once!), handsome, beguiling and such and while I'm okay with them because I want that impression for the reader, some don't agree and think it's only fine for NPCs.

For the record:

Don't be subjective. It is much more interesting to read a detailed description of a beautiful face, than to read "this is a beautiful woman". Let the reader make the judgements -- write it in a way that makes people think "she must be beautiful" or "he must look like a mean bastard" rather than writing the subjective remark itself.

Do not describe how your character moves or speaks, since the viewer may be looking at them while they are asleep or knocked out, and wouldn't know how they customarily move or speak. Similarly, don't have your character performing actions in the description, such as nodding or whistling, unless it's an action they perform constantly, even when asleep. Don't force actions on the viewer as in 'You wonder what she is doing here' or 'You blink and look away, cowed by the intensity of his eyes.'

[Rhyden]

One thing I see a lot of which is not necessarily bad or wrong, but which is also not particularly interesting writing, is the "his head connects to his neck, which connects to his body, which leads into arms and legs, which ends in feet" style of description.

I'm extremely guilty of this. I'm also not a very creative writer. My best mdesc (to my belief) was 6 lines long but painted an extraordinary picture of an elderly elf with sixty or so words.

To me, less is more. I agree with IsFriday. It can be a bit much scrolling through a huge mdesc when half of it describes a certain hair colour a hundred different ways, but I still love reading some of the insanely artistic imagery some of you guys write.

[Dalmeth]

Write your description as a combination of two or three haikus.

[boog]

I've always been under the impression that sdescs are like ... well, quick glances. Or at least useful in that instance if a templar's like, "WHAT'D HE LOOK LIKE?" "Oh, he was kinda lanky and had dung-brown hair."

I don't put eye color in sdecs because of that; you usually can not discern the exact color, only 'light or dark' from across the room for instance.

I dunno. Just my personal thang.

This was a lame reply.

[Bogre]

I almost always start off with the gestalt appearance first, whether the character is massive, a cretinous thing, or normal-looking. I frame the face and describe that in detail, then describe the body.

I think going from major to minor detail is good. (Notice broad shoulders to his rosy lips, for example).

I am fine with head-to-toe, because I'd rather read that then hear about someone's green eyes, then their muscular torso, then back to their pouty lips. I think head-to-toe makes sense, because most people get a first impression of the person as a whole, then concentrate at face, then the outline and details of body.


And I'm not sure it's been mentioned yet, but avoiding possessive's makes your desc flow really well- you can often use the passive voice rather than possessive. So: He has deep blue eyes can turn into: Deep blue eyes sit wide-set past his soft nose, giving his features a placid demeanor.

I also like flavorful colors (agafari vs. brown, ebony vs black).

[Kronibas]

Write your description as a combination of two or three haikus.

This elf is so thin.
Whira might blow him away.  
His left eye is gone.  

Suk Krath has scorched him.  
His body is scar covered.  
His muscles are large,

Though he is so small.
A teardrop tattoo
is by his left eye, weeping.  

 

[Dalmeth]

This elf is so thin, Whira might blow him away. His left eye is gone.  Suk Krath has scorched him.  His body is scar covered.  His muscles are large,  though he is so small.  A teardrop tattoo is by his left eye, weeping.  

I want to play this elf.

[musashi]

Kronibas wins this thread.

[hyzhenhok]

Reinforce your character's appearance during roleplay. Refer to this or that attribute in emotes.

I say this because I'm really bad at taking time out to read and absorb mdescs, and I need all the help I can get!

[Aaron Goulet]

At the risk of derailing an awesome thread, am I the only person who noticed that two of the items that Nyr is wearing have grammatically incorrect sdescs? 

If I ever joined the staff, my main project would be fixing ALL the grammarz!

[Taven]

At the risk of derailing an awesome thread, am I the only person who noticed that two of the items that Nyr is wearing have grammatically incorrect sdescs? 

If I ever joined the staff, my main project would be fixing ALL the grammarz!

Do you mean "<worn on torso>          a pair of voluptuous bosoms"?

Because I was thinking about this, and I'm pretty sure it just means he has two sets of bosoms, IE, 4 breasts.

[Aaron Goulet]

At the risk of derailing an awesome thread, am I the only person who noticed that two of the items that Nyr is wearing have grammatically incorrect sdescs? 

If I ever joined the staff, my main project would be fixing ALL the grammarz!

Do you mean "<worn on torso>          a pair of voluptuous bosoms"?

Because I was thinking about this, and I'm pretty sure it just means he has two sets of bosoms, IE, 4 breasts.

Code Select Expand

<worn across back>       a large, leather backsheath

Should be: a large leather backsheath

Code Select Expand

<worn as belt>           a leather pouched belt

Should be: a pouched leather belt

So just an extra comma and a mix-up of adjective order, nothing big... but I can't help but notice them. 

[RogueGunslinger]

The pouches are leather. The belt is cotton or something. 

[Dar]

One thing I see a lot of which is not necessarily bad or wrong, but which is also not particularly interesting writing, is the "his head connects to his neck, which connects to his body, which leads into arms and legs, which ends in feet" style of description.

In Zalanthas. That information is important, because ... not everyone are structured so.

[Aaron Goulet]

The pouches are leather. The belt is cotton or something. 

Then it would be a leather-pouched belt.

[RogueGunslinger]

Are Hyphens a rule?

[Cind]

crap, sorry. thought this was a different thread.

[BleakOne]

This is not the thread you are looking for.


On topic: Take time to make sure the desc is spell checked and haz da rite grammerz. 

[Bogre]

Are Hyphens a rule?

Actually, I've started leaving some hyphens out. I think it flows better. Maybe not all hyphens, but some ?

The green-eyed, dark haired male

The worn, dark haired male

The worn, dark-haired male

Thoughts?

[Lizzie]

Are Hyphens a rule?

Actually, I've started leaving some hyphens out. I think it flows better. Maybe not all hyphens, but some ?

The green-eyed, dark haired male

The worn, dark haired male

The worn, dark-haired male

Thoughts?

the worn, dark haired male is..
worn, and he's dark, and he's haired.

just like if you made it
the green eyed dark-haired male

he is green, and he is eyed, and he has dark hair.

[Bacon]

Yeah, that totally changes the meaning of them.

[titansfan]

I normally throw a hyphen in between for hair color and eye color.

[Rhyden]

Yeah, hyphens are pretty useful for when you want to associate two words together. Plus they look cool.

[Aaron Goulet]

You don't have to use hyphens, but they are a part of proper grammar... *Glances over his shoulder at the 5+ grammar books on his bookshelf*

[Kismetic]

I like making my character's mdescs 5 lines or less if I can. Nobody wants to sit around and read a huge desc, especially if there's a lot being worn by a PC. No one wants to scroll up and read your mdesc.... Or spend 15 minutes doing it.

Sorry, dude, but if it takes you 15 minutes to read -any- description, this game is probably not for you.  Saying you don't read mdescs is like saying you don't read room descs (if you're not, hoo boy, you're in for some fun if you ever get outta of the tavern scene).

This is a reading game.  A text game.  If you want fast satisfaction, play WoW?

[Yam]

lol

[Kismetic]

No intent to troll!  I just seem to see a lot of people saying "I don't read descriptions unless it's convenient."  How is that passable in an RPI?

[RogueGunslinger]

Are you serious? I've read like.... 5 room descs in the past two years. Maybe about 10 mdescs all the way through in that time.

Sorry I don't live up to your expectations Kis.

[RogueGunslinger]

I find most descriptions hinder my ability to use my imagination, and immerse myself in the world. I write my own world up in my head, description-wise. I imagine a lot of others do this as well.

[Cind]

i do it mostly to check the number of vnpcs in the room, compare it with time command and then rp accordingly, but yes, it does narrow my imagination, too. I find the narrower range of rp a blessing because whenever I'm not actively thinking of something, I end up trying to come up with ideas for freaking books.

[Kalai]

No intent to troll!  I just seem to see a lot of people saying "I don't read descriptions unless it's convenient."  How is that passable in an RPI?

Scrolling back up to read = falling behind on the emotes and says that are occurring at this moment around you. 

Dynamic is usually more important to be alert to than static.

[Zoltan]

I run around the world with brief room on. But any time I go to a new place or actually need to "look around", I turn it off. And sometimes I just turn it off for shits and giggles to refresh my mental image of the gameworld. Rather than finding the descs confining, I find them to be a good thing to build off of. And in a text game, those lines that describe the room you are in are the reality of the place. While I think it's good to extrapolate from there, what's described in game is the common base reality for all of us playing. Going totally counter to what's described could be problematic, which is why I always make sure to have a look at things.

[Kismetic]

Sorry I don't live up to your expectations Kis.

Passive aggression, hawt.

Scrolling back up to read = falling behind on the emotes and says that are occurring at this moment around you. 

Most clients have the ability to split the screen.  I am a slow reader, and the longest descs I've seen take about a minute to read.  It takes most people that long to pop off one emote/say.

[FantasyWriter]

Really?! Does muchclient?
em scurries off to look.

[Kismetic]

I used to use MUSHclient, I think it does.  I use CMUD, now, and it definitely does.  I seem to recall always having this feature, because I use it often.

Anyway, I'm done arguing that people should read on a text game.  I now have the impression that half of you only ever read says.

[Booya]

I find it totally bizarre that people barely read room descriptions! A lot of them are wonderfully evocative and/or interesting. Some point to clues about what else there is to find, too.

I have brief room OFF all the time as it helps me remember and play off the virtual surroundings.

I take a quick look over mdescs, in case they have something my character would stare at or something, but if someone's writing a very long, minutely detailed one, or one as flowery as one of Lizzie's funny pisstakes, I tend to skim to get a gist of their character and then leave well alone.

[Kismetic]

I have really got to stop derailing this thread, but one of the best parts of the game for me is reading that mdesc, or room desc, or object desc and incorporating it into says, emotes and command emotes.  There are some very interesting people/places/things in the game world.

[Is Friday]

Serious post:

I don't find most mdescs very interesting, that is why I don't read them past a certain length. I'm much more stimulated into the environment by interaction, so in general my playstyle reflects that I want to get "right into the action". I make an effort, but seriously, some mdescs are really shitty and overly long for no reason. I like it concise, and that's just a preference.

[Kismetic]

I can understand that more than "I don't read, I just make things up in my head."

I have to admit, I attacked your post out of convenience, because it has been aggravating me that people seem to care more
about eq lists than descriptions.  It was unfair, on my part.

I'm gonna drop it, now, because I don't want to see a helpful thread get locked.

[Is Friday]

I'm interested in the eq list for the following reasons:
1.) Clothing. Fashion is an overlooked part of the game that I enjoy. (homo alert.) My PCs are often very fashion aware, as I think most people generally are in Zalanthas -- since we have very distinct and xenophobic cultures.
2.) I tend to pay more attention to a PC if they are wearing less. I prefer short eq lists.
3.) You can tell if someone is armed.
4.) You can tell if someone is particularly dirty/bloody/whatever.

These things don't override a mdesc, but instead are more pressing than how someone looks in a lot of cases when we're talking about how my character should interact with them. If you want to spend 10+ lines describing your PC in a fanciful way, including a lot of details that are not pertinent, then do not be surprised that I "fiendishly" concentrate on things that I feel are important to the "here and now".

To be honest, I think I'm a lot better than most players (nyuk nyuk.) I copy/paste descs/eq lists into a notepad doc each time I see someone again. I refer to this each time I get a second or two, so that if the interaction reaches a dull point my PC can make a comment or I as a player can make my PC interested in one detail about their mdesc/eq list.

I think my approach is incredibly reasonable. Anyone who has interacted with my PCs knows that I pay a lot of attention. I just think that super long mdescs are annoying.  

[Cind]

For some reason I don't care about eq lists.... anyone, under the proper circumstances, could be wearing what you're wearing. What's your damn hair color! Is it curly? Ahhhh curly.

[i can haz mantis]

To be honest, I think I'm a lot better than most players (nyuk nyuk.) I copy/paste descs/eq lists into a notepad doc each time I see someone again. I refer to this each time I get a second or two, so that if the interaction reaches a dull point my PC can make a comment or I as a player can make my PC interested in one detail about their mdesc/eq list.

Glad I'm not the only one who does this.

[Kalai]

Notsure if I should look into this split-screen thing, my normal 687x370 text output screen seems about bare minimum width. Suppose there's no harm in investigating.

[Lizzie]

For some reason I don't care about eq lists.... anyone, under the proper circumstances, could be wearing what you're wearing. What's your damn hair color! Is it curly? Ahhhh curly.

Yes, it's curly. But I'm wearing a helm. So you can't see my hair. And since you don't care about eq lists, you're not noticing that my curly hair is obscured by my helm. And when you refer to my curly hair in your emoting, you're using OOC information that your -character- doesn't know about.

On the other hand, I have no idea that you're a noble, because you're wearing a Kadius-made silk cloak that isn't specific to your house, and you're wearing gloves on your hands. You also didn't bother bringing your NPC guard with you. So when I don't bow to you, don't get all bent out of shape. Your regal bearing and meticulously groomed fingernails and the ink of your noble house's sigil covering your entire back - is not going to be noticed by my character. Even though I, the player, can see it perfectly well.

[BleakOne]

I tend not to read people's mdescs either, or just quickly scim them, unless my character has reason to be focusing intently on them. I do read room descs, usually, but have been guilty of not doing so on more than a few occasions. 

[Cind]

For some reason I don't care about eq lists.... anyone, under the proper circumstances, could be wearing what you're wearing. What's your damn hair color! Is it curly? Ahhhh curly.

Yes, it's curly. But I'm wearing a helm. So you can't see my hair. And since you don't care about eq lists, you're not noticing that my curly hair is obscured by my helm. And when you refer to my curly hair in your emoting, you're using OOC information that your -character- doesn't know about.

On the other hand, I have no idea that you're a noble, because you're wearing a Kadius-made silk cloak that isn't specific to your house, and you're wearing gloves on your hands. You also didn't bother bringing your NPC guard with you. So when I don't bow to you, don't get all bent out of shape. Your regal bearing and meticulously groomed fingernails and the ink of your noble house's sigil covering your entire back - is not going to be noticed by my character. Even though I, the player, can see it perfectly well.

X) Not like that!