Depressing Death?

[solera]

I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy this game again. I'm not leaving, I'm going to keep trying. I am not mad at what happened, I'm mad at myself. I blame myself, because there is so much I could have done, that I didn't do. I am kicking myself. I really loved that character, I really had fun on them. It's my fault and my fault alone. Largely player error, largely my own stupidity. I don't think I'll connect with another one, I miss this last one so much. I am full on hating myself so hard right now.

I resent those of you who have someone else to blame for this. You can be mad at them, you can believe that you did what you could and that it was unfair.

But this wasn't the case. It was me. I did it. I killed them. Me. I was stupid, and I'll never have that again.
...and I'm having such a hard time playing the game now.

I'm fucking heartbroken.

This is what happens to most of my characters, and it Hurts.  Loss of friends/ enemies and clan as well.  Loss of skills and loss of a life that I've seen develop most times from a youngish 'un.  Just loss of them.
My ignorance I can live with, but when I think I'm over playing OOC stupidly and I'm not....
Most new characters are an attempt to get as far away from the old one as I can, so it normally takes a long time to warm to some of them.
I hate it.

[janeshephard]

I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy this game again. I'm not leaving, I'm going to keep trying. I am not mad at what happened, I'm mad at myself. I blame myself, because there is so much I could have done, that I didn't do. I am kicking myself. I really loved that character, I really had fun on them. It's my fault and my fault alone. Largely player error, largely my own stupidity. I don't think I'll connect with another one, I miss this last one so much. I am full on hating myself so hard right now.

I resent those of you who have someone else to blame for this. You can be mad at them, you can believe that you did what you could and that it was unfair.

But this wasn't the case. It was me. I did it. I killed them. Me. I was stupid, and I'll never have that again.
...and I'm having such a hard time playing the game now.

I'm fucking heartbroken.

Sometimes when I kill a character I wonder how much anguish I've caused on the other end to the player. Sometimes I'm able to see it for myself when someone PKs my character.

I once got really mad at one PK that I thought was completely unnecessary. I even sent a few emails off in anger to the staff about it as kudos began to roll in. I think I stayed out of the game for six months because of it.

It gets easier, but there will always be characters you will miss terribly.

[musashi]

This is one of those reasons why I post a lot on the GDB, actually.

Long lived character loss sucks because there's that whole ... terrible feeling that comes with having to start over from scratch, but the community going on here really lessens the blow. 

[Gunnerblaster]

Yeah. As embarrassing as this sounds to admit, when my longest lived PC died, I literally reeled. Like, in real life. You could've told me a close friend had died and you might've gotten about an equal to lesser reaction out of me in comparison to how I felt when my PC died.

I think, mostly, it was just the unexpected abruptness of it.

Truly jarring.

[MeTekillot]

I remember having another application in within fifteen minutes of my longest-lived PC's death.

[Ktavialt]

Had a death of a recent year-longish character I really liked.  He was "going places" and whammo.  Had a spark of some action just prior to his death though that was kinda neat.

But yeah, took a couple of days to get over.  After you have a few of those you realize that next character will meet new people and you'll do "neat things" (tm) and will be back to where you started, just in a different way.

[X-D]

When my year+++ PCs die I am like OH THANK GOD!!!

By then I have 16253553553 concepts saved up.

[MeTekillot]

Aged: 10 years   Played: 56 days, 16 hours   Start Date: Tue Jul 28 16:44:06 2009   Last Logon: Fri Oct 22 16:01:45 2010

next character

Start Date: Fri Oct 22 17:49:25 2010

[Majikal]

Sometimes I get depressed as a murderer of pc's. I watch a pc grow through one of my characters, then a few characters down the line they become a victim to another of my characters. Despite it being ic, I feel like I betrayed them.

I've shed a tear over murdering a pc ig before, I'm such a wuss.

[DustMight]

Having PKd a few that didn't know they had it coming, I generally feel bad for the player because I know it sucks to not know why you have died and that it can feel like no one role-played.  Hey, been there myself, so I know it sucks.  Sometimes, when I can recognize them from their grief-stricken GDB post, I'll contact them to ensure that there was RP before and after and that it wasn't just for their boots.  Well, sometimes it is - but I lie about that.

I doubt it helps them get over their grief, but maybe it helps them see the picture is larger than what they could see through their own character's eyes.  That is, after all, what makes this world what it is.  There is a perpetual sandstorm out there and we see very little.

It helps me to let go of a sense of achievement.  It's not about gaining rank or skill or anything else.  It's about living that character.  That way I don't feel like I'm at ground-zero again, but that I've turned a page in a living story. 

 

[Youko]

Is this healthy?  Are we playing a real game with real lives?  Does a person, a soul occupy the part that makes up these characters, formed by a piece of our psychy, and who and what the come to represent in game?  Are we just cruel gods deriving entertainment from the deaths of real, feeling beings..?

Or am I just trolling

[RogueGunslinger]

If you were trolling those questions would be statements.

[Kismetic]

When my year+++ PCs die I am like OH THANK GOD!!!

lol

[Synthesis]

When my year+++ PCs die I am like OH THANK GOD!!!

So is everyone else.

[roughneck]

When my year+++ PCs die I am like OH THANK GOD!!!

So is everyone else.

*ZING*

[Talia]

Do not...do not...do not come here to bitch about recent deaths. Nope. Just don't do it. Or the thread will go bye-bye.

[Cind]

All those deaths from your desire to explore the amazing wilderness and when you actually are knowledgeable enough to know what to avoid and where to go and NOT to go out in certain strengths of sandstorms without the proper guilds... you don't anymore because you know what's out there. But you still die. There is so, so much to die from.

if you're reading this and are in that state of mind, where you're independent, want to explore, don't know what's out there and keep losing characters to it, I recommend ranger, if you don't already know that. I must have lost thirty characters to the desire to explore the world.

[Dar]

I once killed a PC, but died soon after myself. With my next character I met my old victim's lover and heard a heartbreaking story of her lost love. Then I died and somehow my 'next' character ended up listening to the same story again, and then ... some other character character down the road ended up hearing the same story again. Now "THAT" is depressing. Especially since I knew that the guy I killed was only using and manipulating the woman.

[RogueGunslinger]

I once killed a PC, but died soon after myself. With my next character I met my old victim's lover and heard a heartbreaking story of her lost love. Then I died and somehow my 'next' character ended up listening to the same story again, and then ... some other character character down the road ended up hearing the same story again. Now "THAT" is depressing. Especially since I knew that the guy I killed was only using and manipulating the woman.

That is so fucking awesome.

[Dan]

Some deaths can suck, sure. My trick to getting over it is to just make a new PC as soon as possible and get back in.

Focus on feeling out the new mindset and learning this new person. It is like breaking up in a relationship in real life, at first it sucks, but when you meet that beautiful new other you start to forget about the last one.

[Cind]

My deaths stopped being depressing about, say, ten genuine got-killed not-stored deaths ago and more so, goddamn funny. I think its because I haven't had a genuine, I'd-die-for-you relationship with anyone in the game in at least a few months which would have made my deaths an ass.

[Xagon]

The only depressing deaths I've had have been to foolish mistakes on my part. Gotta hate those badass NPCs.

I take that back.

There was a noble in Tuluk that didn't last very long, but they managed to take down my long-lived ranger in the meantime because they felt I had slighted them. I wasn't depressed, but I was very disappointed. At least the RP was decent.

[Dar]

My very first Red Fang ever. He was .. awesome. When I began playing RF, the tribe was not how most remember it in the past few years. There was no coded camp. Red Fangs had to claim they were ... sand jakhals, celves, or lonefoots just to survive one single RL day due to SLK and ... admittedly ... everyone else and ... for the most part ... for a good reason.

Anyway, he was awessome. The stuff he did was ... the stuff of legends. I was probably the 'only' Red Fang in the entire world at the time. Though it was hard to be sure, since RF would begin in the Elven Outpost and either bolt and run or be slaughtered by SLK on their first day. So RF was ... scattered.

Anyway, that RF ... was ... awesome. It was ... awesome. It was ... just. I really liked it. He have managed to somehow overcome odds that were crazy, considering how young and unskilled he was. He performed full raids, sometimes on sheer bluffing, sometimes straight out cons. He was the elf who stole a beetle off some woman in luirs and then sold it back to her on his first hour of gameplay.

Then ... I had an emergency at work and I had to go. Like stand up, put shoes on and leave. I come back ... did SLK get him? No. Did some dangerous critter? Nah. He died of hunger ... the npc who sold food ... was IN the room with him.

A month or two later, hunger stopped ticking down after one hour of idleness.

A few months later, another one of my RFs along with some other RF created and staked out a collection of tents in some caves that later on would turn out into the awesomeness of what the RF camp used to be until their extinction

[TheBadSeed]

One of the things I love most about Armageddon is the longevity and memory of it's players and staff.

I was gone from Arm for 11 years or so. I logged into my account just for shits and giggles, and found it was still active, much to my surprise..

Entered the world as my last character, a Fale Lord, who was half insane and spoke to the world with a hand-puppet. I immediately checked his stats and noticed he was 150 years old, give or take.
I wished up, since the GDB and character requests such as storing weren't available back then, so I didn't know,  saying "Hey, this character needs to die so I can make a new one", the staff sent me a message "Dead or Stored?"
I said "Dead, he's 150 years old!"
The Staff who was accomodating me sent "I vaguely remember Mr. Tek"
And before I could wish back "OMG That's so freakin' cool that something I did that long ago is still remembered by someone! You've renewed my Arm Addiction!!"

I saw the mantis head.

Depressing that I couldn't get that thought out.   

[Gunnerblaster]

I'm interested to see what your stats and health/stun/stamina was like, at age 150.