Vale, Amici [Long Post]

[Bluefae]

     [Player Note:  To those whom this concerns, apologies for the belated nature of this post.  With time and reflection have come certainty.]

     After careful consideration, it looks like it's time for the slight, azure-hued sylph to fly into the wild red yonder.  The last six years have been extraordinary here, with tales of daring-do, sometimes shocking revelations, and always, in the background yet interwoven throughout the whole of the experience, a true and abiding sense of wonder.  I don't regret so much as a minute of the time I've spent in our shared world, and I sincerely hope for those of you who have helped make this journey so remarkable, that I've given you all tales and relationships of your own to remember. 

     Why leave?  At the core of my kind of love for the game are the relationships that give the adventure its context and the battles their relevance.  Over the period I've been here, I've seen policy decisions that, in my humble opinion, take us farther and farther away from that space.  These policy decision have already and will continue to impact my role-play and enjoyment on a fundamental level; moreover, there are certain benchmarks I set years ago wherein I promised myself if they ever came to pass I would conclude my time here (the specter of forced storage on what I respectfully submit are unjustified grounds being chief among them).  Some of those benchmarks have now come to pass.

     This isn't my house, and I readily accept that I don't make the rules.  I also have no desire to be an obnoxious or combative guest; a poor way indeed to repay years of work and dedication, not to mention hundreds or (in some cases) thousands of hours by our staff towards maintaining and supporting our shared mythology.  Thus, the only reasonable option left is to leave while the romance is still in bloom, and memories are still joyous ones.  I say unequivocally that our staff's devotion to ArmageddonMUD is unwavering, and they've managed the minor miracle of keeping a cohesive, excellent game-world for something like two decades!  All that, and no reward other than the knowledge of a job well done.  Thank you.

     A few particulars cry out.  These are in no particular order; for the many that I miss, please don't think I valued our interactions any less.

STAFF

     Eniriah:  My first and, in many ways, best Immortal.  She not only tolerated my "newbness" in all its exasperating glory, she also took the time to mentor me in the heart of the game - psychology, deep role-playing, and staying true to one's character no matter where the story leads.  She was as warm a person as she was conscientious in her Clan Imm duties, and believe me, that's saying something.  Six years later, thank you, thank you, thank you.

     Sanvean:  Talk about dealing with my newbness . . .    I cringe at some of the things I e-mailed her when I read over them now.  The Grand Dame of Arm was unfailing patient with me, and got me on the path to understanding the game-world and its incredible richness and history.  As I've written elsewhere, having a loving and wise steward of her caliber was something I couldn't appreciate at the time, but most certainly do in retrospect.

     Morgenes:  It's no secret I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Morg fangirl.     This man defines work-ethic wedded to coding brilliance.  Responsive, innovative, perceptive - the full package.  You're wonderful.

SEVERAL CHARACTERS

(But Not Nearly Enough)

     Even in exiting, I have to honor the "no more current than a year" rule, so please don't take offense.

     Anthinius Oash:  You magnificent bastard!  If only, if only we'd interfaced when I was playing my usual cerebral beauty, instead of a live-in-her-body wild-child.  Arrrrgh!  *laugh*  Redefined my understanding of information networks, and upper-end Allanaki politics.  Subtle, you want subtle?  Yeah . . .

     Laam:  Five years (or more) later, and I still remember the scene in the Luir's tribal room.  My heart was literally thumping in my chest during that confession/confrontation.  That was the first time I cried playing this game.  Precious, and you had the stones to go there with me.  Thank you.

     Every Single One of Is Friday's Chicks:  So distinctive of a play-style, and yet each one so deliciously unique.  How was it that you kept missing my bisexual characters, exactly?     You should know I cribbed some of your quotes by the way, and recycled them for future use.  It's plagiarism, yes, but it's also the sincerest form of flattery.   

     Amabi:  Probably the single most intense day I ever had with any character got kicked off by seeing your character's head on a spike.  Thanks, PoAmabi.  (*laugh*  Just kidding - you know you're aces in my book, darling!)  Sweet Goddess, but you have a way with words.

     Predd:  The most beautiful character, male or female, I ever met.  You oozed sensuality.  I missed those interactions later on.

     Buckle:  Ah, Buckle.  Tortured rivalry/friendship, much?  And it ended in oh-so-Zalanthan fashion.  Perfect!

     Evens:  You know a character's well-played when a MUD-child gets you thinking about your RL biological clock!  *snort*  Simply the best portrayal of a child in Zalanthas I ran across.  Utterly gripping emotionally, and a unique relationship.  I cried so much then . . .

     
     Special Mention to:  LoD and Synthesis currently, and Rindan and Angela Christine past, for the numerous hours of reading and food for thought they generated on this very forum.  Your insight and perspectives were all greatly appreciated.

     

WELL, THIS IS IT SO:

     A personal polestar of mine is to avoid negativity whenever possible, and always seek to resolve disputes in the best way possible for everyone concerned.  Hence, I didn't post on the board nearly as much as I read.  There are two areas I'd like to comment on at this point that have come up on the GDB.


     "You Can't Do That With Long Hair"

     As the owner of the proverbial "thick raven tresses" in RL, I'm happy to report that you can fight a war, enter into BJJ tournaments, spar like hell, weight-lift, run, execute gymnastics routines, and wear body-armor while driving an armored ambulance happily with waist-length hair.  Granted, there were times in there I seriously considered ditching the locks, and yeah, there's a reason other than uniformity that military hair standards are what they are, but it can be done. 

     Look at it another way.  Here at Arm we're willing to suspend disbelief that with next to no medical knowledge, and certainly no antibiotics as well as atrocious hygiene, that wounds almost never become infected.  No, it's not realistic (having treated numerous battle-field injuries, some fresh and others somewhat after the fact, I have a reasonable body of data on which to comment), but it is in-line with the genre (heroic dark fantasy?).  For the same reason we aren't laid-up for weeks on end every time we get dropped to "poor" condition, there's not code to have that ugly, ten-inch gash on your (always armored) thigh to go gangrenous as it very likely would. 

     In a similar light, having long hair that's well-cared for is possible.  Whenever I saw lovely characters, I gave them the benefit of the doubt that they rped out their maintenance.  Heck, even if it happened off-screen, that was fine by me.  I hope others gave me the same when I was playing some of those maidens of mine.     If not, I hope I made up for it in depth of character, or at least contributed to scenes that I was in.  In a world where people can fly, teleport, and even return from the grave, attention to personal appearance didn't seem too far-fetched with the right folks.  =) 


     "Self-Defense Training is Useless for Women"

     (A real-life reference, not one about the game-world where women and men are absolutely equal physically.)

     So, I've had the duty and privilege of putting together and running two different self-defense programs (not for women per se, although they were at least 90% of the student body that attended consistently).  I've also trained three dear friends one-on-one for substantial amounts of time, all other women.  I didn't know many of the women in the two programs intimately, although I heard a number of stories after the fact.  However, one of my three friends I did (and still do) know quite well.  This was an experience she had:

     She was packing up to leave the state when her (recently) ex-boyfriend began to pass notes under her apartment door.  To put this in context, she and Zach (the boyfriend) had been dating steadily all through high-school, and most of us (being naive teenagers, one and all) that after they graduated they would get married and live happily ever after.  Zach had an extraordinary wit in emergency situations (which I had seen come out during sundry adventures during that era), and a vicious streak a mile wide not many knew about at the time.  My friend was approximately 5'6" and weighed 112 lbs.  She was a dancer and quite graceful, but willowy.  Zach was roughly 6'1", slender but athletic.

     After an entire afternoon of his non-verbal pleading, my friend made the mistake (blunder) of opening the door "for closure".  What ensued was fairly predictable - he beat her badly.  Not quite to within an inch of her life, but not good at all.  Some key points, both for and against her in that situation:

     1) She didn't control access to her space.

     By opening the door and, more fundamentally, allowing Zach to hover for literally hours right outside, my darling invited trouble.

     2) When the assault occurred, she didn't escalate immediately.

     My friend tried some less-vicious techniques first, and badly misjudged her attacker's level of commitment to hurting her.  Given that they had been in a loving, intimate relationship from ages 14-18, and things had only recently deteriorated, this isn't surprising at all.  Still bad.

     3) She used her environment, specifically a weapon of opportunity.

     When Zach took her to the ground, my friend weathered the storm and eventually managed to get a hold of her key ring.  She took her car key and jammed it into his ear, partially perforating his ear-drum.

     4) She ran the first chance she got!

     Zach had her on the ground for a while, alternating choking, slapping, then telling her how sorry he was that everything hadn't worked out between them before commencing the choking again.  According to my friend, they went through this cycle at least three times.  When she stabbed him with the keys, she had a chance to get out from under him and get to the door, which she wisely did.  She told me later (I stayed with her that night at the ER) that she heard my voice in her head telling her "The best way to avoid a punch is not to be there."  Instead of trying to kick him when he was down and distracted (usually, but not always, a good idea), my friend rightly extricated herself from a potentially lethal situation. 

     I was nearly as shaken as my friend was herself after this event, as I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, both for not being there to protect her as well as not having trained her "better".  Also, Zach had been a close friend for several years as well, and the assault sent shock-waves through our tight-knit group of friends.  She exculpated me, though, telling me firmly that she would "probably be dead now" if we hadn't trained together for several months before the attack.  Other consequences flowed from incident, but the point is that normal, everyday women can and have defended themselves successfully by keeping a clear head in dangerous situations.  Yes, she made mistakes, but she never gave up, and continued to use her resources even when in pain and in fear of her life.  Self-defense is no magic wand, and I understand that the chance of failure is always there.  However, I firmly believe it's far better to do one's best and seek out tools to survive dangerous situations rather than simply decide that it's too scary or impossible, and not try at all.  To those men (and women) who are serious fighters/martial artists reading this, I encourage you to support the women (and men ) in your life to acquire the skills they need to give them the best chance possible of making it through these kinds of encounters. 

     [I'm deliberately not mentioning who exactly posted the comment that kicked this portion of the post off, but the last line about martial artists isn't random.  =) ]

* * *

     Last thoughts:  Ourla, we so should have met up years ago IC.  How could you?    

     Lythaniel, "Illegitimi non carborundum".  I can't thank you enough for making my "twilight years" on Arm some of the most emotionally-charged and memorable.  You and Stacy are amazing, hon.


     Smooth sands, my friends, and God(dess) bless you wherever your travels take you.

Ever and Always,
  -- Bluefae

[Armaddict]

Hope you come back, but if not, best of luck on all your endeavors, even if I have no idea if I've ever played with you.

Been here before, and I'm very glad I came back.

[Bebop]

Well I have to admit I didn't read everything but just wanted to say I feel touched I earned a mention over your long playing time.

I remember that time Buckle looked at your character at the time and said we are -not- sisters.  Or something to that extent and it was super tense.  Oh you.  I should have killed you.  Those were some fun times.  I'll be missing you.  I think I played with you another time with another character as well, and we had another heart wrenching moment where I may or may not have stolen all of your clothes for gambling money and stayed in your mind later as you died.

The game needs it's senior players.  We all have disagreements here from time to time (I'm proof of that) but even though some of us bump heads it works out eventually and the game still has the potential to be an amazing, engrossing piece of art that has always reminded me of a functioning novel.  Here's hoping you're just taking a break.  Best of luck!  <3

[Cindy42]

Well I have to admit I didn't read everything

 Here's hoping you're just taking a break.  Best of luck!  <3

The heart in your post is making my tummy funny. 

[Stacy]

 

[Medivh]

Don't worry folks.
I still keep the Fae's ears filled with ARM talk.

[Voular]

Dude.

[Lythaniel]

You'll be missed   Dont be a stranger!

[Barsook]

You will be back.

[Potaje]

In reading your post I feel that I have been jipped of an opportunity  to share in your brilliance in this game. I do not believe we have ever played together, though if we had I am sure I would be a better player for it. It is times like these, statements such as yours, that make me concern for the game itself, more so the environment. Great role players inspire, are few and far between and help shape and mold others. Their loss is more deeply felt than having lost twenty mediocre players. For this, I trust and hope that those you leave behind carry on your legacy of standard in their roleplay. 

[Nyr]

If you have any issues with staff or staff decisions, we welcome you to contact us about them, but if you've made a prior/personal decision to play the game by your own guidelines, that's certainly understandable.  We wish you all the best.

[Gunnerblaster]

Bluefae,

Considering how interconnected everything in Armageddon always is, I am sure you have directly and indirectly affected me, in one way or another.

Thank you and have a good life.

[drunkendwarf]

I'd love to hear about the particular benchmarks you believe have come to pass. You're not the first player I know of that has quit for similar reasons.

[Sunburned]

I'd love to hear about the particular benchmarks you believe have come to pass. You're not the first player I know have that has quit for similar reasons.

[oklenny]

Finally someone I've actually played with before that's leaving.
gl in your stuff

[KankWhisperer]

The game is less for losing someone of such integrity.

[Cutthroat]

It's always sad to lose excellent veteran players. Even though I'm only certain about having played with you in my first year or two, I remember playing with you that far back because of how different you were from other players, and the uniqueness of our interactions.

I hope this is only a temporary departure and you'll return to us sooner or later (hopefully sooner). In any case, good luck and I wish you the best.

[Kassindra]

I wish you the best, dear. I remember playing with you on my second PC here on Arm -- truly a pleasure and I hope you return sooner than later.

[Is Friday]

     Every Single One of Is Friday's Chicks:  So distinctive of a play-style, and yet each one so deliciously unique.  How was it that you kept missing my bisexual characters, exactly?     You should know I cribbed some of your quotes by the way, and recycled them for future use.  It's plagiarism, yes, but it's also the sincerest form of flattery.   

I don't play lesbians, as a rule. (Except that one time.)

You're gonna be missed Bluefae. When I started in '07 (such a noob still,) I learned a lot from you over the course of many PCs. Good luck and enjoy greener pastures.

Hit me up on AIM sometime, cat.

[Saellyn]

I'm pretty sad now.

[Gunnerblaster]

Reading back on Bluefae's post...

I just want to say - Come back.

God damn it.

[Synthesis]

I'm really not grokking the whole rant about self-defense.   

[musashi]

Though we only interacted via email and PM, it's a pity to see you go. Take care of yourself 

[hyzhenhok]

I'm really not grokking the whole rant about self-defense.   

I assumed it was a peeve against in-game sexism towards combat-oriented female PCs, like the long hair bit.

[Jenred]

     Why leave?  At the core of my kind of love for the game are the relationships that give the adventure its context and the battles their relevance.  Over the period I've been here, I've seen policy decisions that, in my humble opinion, take us farther and farther away from that space.  These policy decision have already and will continue to impact my role-play and enjoyment on a fundamental level; moreover, there are certain benchmarks I set years ago wherein I promised myself if they ever came to pass I would conclude my time here (the specter of forced storage on what I respectfully submit are unjustified grounds being chief among them).  Some of those benchmarks have now come to pass.

This is as interesting as it is vague.
I have rarely heard of anyone accepting forced storage if they really believed it was unjustified; and secondly I've rarely heard of the staff force storing someone for something that was not justified. Perhaps one's own opinion of "unjust" is not exactly with the general will. Eitherway... interestingly vague.

[Sunburned]

Withdrawn.