Author Topic: Social skills  (Read 2563 times)

chrisdcoulombe

  • Posts: 1293
Re: Social skills
« Reply #50 on: July 20, 2019, 10:33:37 AM »
If someone is too close to me I have no problem telling them to step back a little bit.
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valeria

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #51 on: July 20, 2019, 12:35:39 PM »
A better instruction manual for showing you're interested in what someone has to say than just straight facing them is:

1) facing them, but at an oblique angle so that your shoulders aren't in line with theirs, since squaring off is literally a fight pose
2) small bursts of eye contact and gentle nodding, but not staring.  I find that looking at the nose is great for this if you don't like actual eye contact all that much, and it makes the twitch to look at someone's eyes for brief eye contact a lot less noticeable
3) some comment that indicates you heard what they said and have reflected on it
4) THEN a comment about yourself, your personal interest, and how what they said relates to you

A lack of eye contact and skipping #3 is what gives people the impression that neurodivergent people are self-centered and disinterested.  Source: my shrink
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MeTekillot

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #52 on: July 20, 2019, 08:42:30 PM »
I do all of that but it still seems people get edgier and edgier until they flee the interaction. Also, people forget I'm present in interactions even if I'm standing beside them and participating in the conversation. It happened several times at a show tonight.

It feels kinda like that scene in Invasion of the Bodysnatchers where the guy points and screams. Interacting with other people, I mean. I wonder if the blows to the head I took as a kid are factoring into the whole ordeal.

It seems like people block out things they don't understand or that make them uncomfortable.
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chrisdcoulombe

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #53 on: July 20, 2019, 08:45:10 PM »
You might just be over thinking it.  Worry less about what others think.
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MeTekillot

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #54 on: July 20, 2019, 08:57:37 PM »
Thank you for the advice but I'm near certain I'm not overthinking it. In all honesty, it's frustrating for you to tell me to just stop thinking about it. I didn't overthink it the first ~20 years of my life. I just thought I was surrounded by assholes.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2019, 08:59:35 PM by MeTekillot »
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MeTekillot

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #55 on: July 20, 2019, 09:13:17 PM »
Regardless, the only avenue is to stay determined and keep at it.
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chrisdcoulombe

  • Posts: 1293
Re: Social skills
« Reply #56 on: July 20, 2019, 09:25:04 PM »
Cool, I'm not trying to offend you.  I am not saying I know better than you either.  You may very well just be surrounded by assholes.
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Hauwke

  • Posts: 1900
Re: Social skills
« Reply #57 on: July 21, 2019, 03:50:13 AM »
Can confirm. Am surrounded by assholes.

RogueGunslinger

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #58 on: July 21, 2019, 05:32:32 AM »
It does kinda sound like you're surrounded by not-friends. Find some friends (not people you want to fuck or compete with) who share a hobby that isn't destructive. Go all in on that hobby when you're around them, so you don't have to focus so much on your social game.

If they're your friends they should be able to move pass any sort of social faux-pas you commit without making it overly awkward or turning it on you in someway. That way you can learn more comfortably without turning every social mishap into a ptsd-worthy memory.
« Last Edit: July 21, 2019, 05:38:41 AM by RogueGunslinger »

Lizzie

  • Posts: 7996
Re: Social skills
« Reply #59 on: July 21, 2019, 06:26:22 AM »
Is it possible that at this "show" (you didn't give any information about that so that's all I have to go by) your group was more interested in the show than they were having a conversation with you?

If I'm at some kind of thing where entertainment is provided to me, as opposed to opportunities to entertain myself, I don't want people I'm with to keep interrupting my entertainment for a conversation. That's a movie, a music concert, a play, opera, ballet, during a wedding ceremony, or if I'm on the dance floor actively dancing.

I want ZERO conversation during these things. If I want to talk to someone I'll go somewhere quiet to talk to them, where I'm not paying someone else to do all the talking or otherwise occupying my ears.

Could be as simple as that. There are a lot of people who don't comprehend this, you wouldn't be alone. Some of us have trouble following the plotline when there's a running commentary sitting next to us.
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MeTekillot

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #60 on: July 21, 2019, 06:31:40 AM »
No, that was not the case either.
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MeTekillot

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Re: Social skills
« Reply #61 on: July 27, 2019, 10:53:48 PM »
Scientist's log: confident body language and silence seems to unnerve the normies. But wearing my anxiety through my mannerisms (folded arms, crossed legs, etc) seems to assuage the discomfort normies feel at my presence and they approach me more readily. The conversation is still a tad stilted, but perhaps there's something to this methodology. I will update as I discover more. Perhaps they will accept me as one of their own.
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MeTekillot

  • Posts: 10430
Re: Social skills
« Reply #62 on: August 26, 2019, 11:21:34 AM »
You seem to be supposed to make smalltalk every time you see someone after an absence. Most people don't have an eidetic recollection of the last conversation you had and will interpret this as a fixation on them if you make it known you remember.

I don't think I'm properly making microexpressions when I interact with people. I'm going to practice doing that.
My thoughts.

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