Author Topic: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.  (Read 723 times)

FamousAmos

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Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« on: October 01, 2017, 05:20:18 PM »
***NOTE: I didn’t start this thread. The opening post was deleted but pasted in a staff post down below. ***


We've all been in this situation. I know I have. I too shed tears over the death of more than one PC. My remedy against that was to quickly make a new character and dive back into the fray.

Keep in mind though, this won't be the last PC which will die. It's part of the game but that's also why this game is so exciting.

Take a breather, spoil yourself a bit (be it with a nice hot shower or a box of chocolate), and think of a new concept  :)
« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 05:53:51 PM by FamousAmos »

Dahlia

  • Posts: 57
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2017, 05:22:37 PM »
I don't think I've ever had that reaction to a character death.

Don't get me wrong, I've definitely cried.  More often in anger than anything though (I hate that I cry when I'm mad).

I have lost a beloved character.  I'll never forget it.  She had a pretty serious spice addiction (though because of her position, was fairly functional), and one day I logged in, took her normal morning snort, and just immediately died.

I was crushed.  I sobbed my eyes out... I was hurt that she was really gone, I was angry that I'd let it happen that way.  But over the years, I've really come to decide that it was how she really should have gone.  She was fucking around with spice way too long not to fall victim to it in one regard or another, and people stupidly overdose all the time.

I have also been in bed for a long time.  Twelve years ago I ended up paralyzed from the waist down.  I spent two months in bed in the hospital and the better part of five years in bed and in a wheelchair.  I'm walking again, so I really don't want to seem ungrateful, but that was definitely the low point in my life, and I think that might be affecting you more than the loss of your beloved character.  Or it's a combination of the two.

*hug*  I hope you're feeling better physically... once you do the other stuff will seem like cake.  And by the way, it's okay to cry.  You've been through a lot, and this has been your outlet.  Let yourself feel bad, and don't feel guilty for it.  Once you get it all out and look back, you might end up being okay with it all.  For now, maybe start work on the next one.  As laborious as it might feel at first, you're likely to end up excited about the prospect of your next beloved pc.

<3




"I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me."

Jihelu

  • Posts: 2579
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2017, 05:33:33 PM »
I was playing HL2RP as a relatively serious player, it was 'serious rp' so I should have been, and my character was pk'd.

I cried like a fucking girl.

Then I got over it and made his brother character. Which was edgy. Then I made a character unrelated to both and things got better.

But those three days or so. Jesus. It was rough.
Shade, profits, and George Bush did 9/11

WarriorPoet

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2017, 05:40:22 PM »
Keep your head up and know that there are more memories to make. Friends and lovers to embrace, enemies to crush, and all the rest. But sometimes it hurts.

Much luck to you.
We were somewhere near the Shield Wall, on the edge of the Red Desert, when the drugs began to take hold...

Marauder Moe

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2017, 12:21:00 AM »
Been there.  I've lost 2-3 year characters suddenly and senselessly. 

I've also killed a new-ish and wonderful character of mine through a dumb, completely avoidable, late night mistake on my part, like you seem to have.  That one definitely stung the worst.

I stepped away from the game for a year when that happened.  However, I did come back and had new and also wonderful characters.

Chin up, don't do anything drastic.  Grief is temporary.  It, too, shall pass.

deathkamon

  • Posts: 776
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #5 on: October 02, 2017, 01:45:28 AM »
Man, do I ever connect to the OP. It sucks when a character you've put blood, guts, and many many Arm marathons into just dies. No matter if it's another player who kills your character, unlucky shots from a scrab, even just plain bad luck. I remember having a good few characters where, honestly, I didn't cry. I was just straight up pissed off about how it happened, and for (Fuck my life) weeks at some points I'd just think back towards how the hell it could've been prevented.

Sometimes, worst case scenario, you lose a concept that'd be seen as unique and game changing. Not always could it be game changing concept though, but generally, this could be any sort of influential character you make in the game world. From that death point on, you know you can't replicate it without having the same or similar influence that your one character had. I've known players who've been down in the lows like that like myself, and it hurts. Bad. And I feel for players who have to go through these phases because I, as well as many others on Arm, have been to those places.

FamousAmos

  • Posts: 226
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #6 on: October 02, 2017, 02:18:51 AM »
Armageddon. The game of 'What if's' and hindsights.

Akaramu

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #7 on: October 02, 2017, 02:37:29 AM »
I can't imagine what it's like being mute, but I know all about wanting to make friends online. Really, I do. I was once an autistic teenager who didn't know how to communicate or behave properly and got bullied to hell and back in school. There was a time when I'd skip class to sit in an internet café and talk to chatroom friends, the only people (apart from my parents) who seemed to understand rather than ridicule me. I learned to communicate better, but I'm still more comfortable talking to people online. That will never change.

Here's my big chunk of advice (along with a big virtual hug): don't stop making friends online, but focus on environments without permadeath or OOC communication restrictions. Hang out in chatrooms, play forum roleplaying games, talk to people on discussion forums dedicated to topics that interest you. Or literally any online game with guild / group play and no permadeath. I can't rightfully claim that internet friends stay forever, but when you eventually grow apart, it's usually a slow, gradual process that no one has any hard feelings about. You'll just run out of common interests at some point. And make new friends elsewhere.

<--- the girl who found every single one of her boyfriends online.

(except in Armageddon)  :P

(edited to remove the quote, which included OP's identity - seidhr)
« Last Edit: October 02, 2017, 04:54:36 AM by seidhr »

seidhr

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...about that intense grief thread.
« Reply #8 on: October 02, 2017, 04:52:43 AM »
Hi guys - I just moved a thread to moderation that was posted by a relatively new player having experienced the death of a PC that they really loved.  I wanted to post a note that explains what happened to it and why it was moved.

The thread was moved because the account used to post the heads-up that their PC just died was the same account the player used for their clan board on the GDB.

It is a big no-no to post IC updates to the GDB as we all know, but in this case it was a pretty innocent thing and the player probably didn't know any better.  I am going to post the OP's post below (with identifying info for them (account name and the email they posted) removed, and if you guys would like to continue discussion and support for the OP, that is welcome.

OP:  If you would like to post in this thread, please make a new anonymous GDB account to do so.  Also, condolences from me and the other staffer who were just discussing this in staff-land - my advice is to cherish the stories that your character was involved in, not the character herself.  It almost always sucks to lose a PC but when one door closes, another opens, and your next PC can always be better than the last.  :)

Original post:
"I'm done. She's dead. The character I invested almost all my life into, in these past few months I've been stuck to bed. All the plans I had for her, all her memories, all her friendships, just gone in an instant, because of one avoidable, sleep-deprived mistake.

I'm mute. There's no one in real life that I've connected to as much as with people in this game, and with my only connection to these friends I've made being gone, I just-...

I feel like a big part of myself died today. Suddenly, I'm all alone again.

I can't stop crying. I feel like I'm gonna fall apart.

If you've gone through something similar or you just want to talk I'd appreciate not being alone right now.
Skype: (removed - sorry)"

seidhr

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2017, 04:59:20 AM »
I pruned the original post off the top of this thread and explained why in the other post just now.  I did post the text of the OP in that other thread along with why it was done.  Please feel free to continue commiserating on how much it sucks to lose a beloved PC.

ShaLeah

  • Posts: 4994
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2017, 07:19:46 AM »
Mannnn....

Here's just a few of the player dumbassedness that resulted in me being CHEATED out of winning Crackageddon.

1. First char, bynner turned Fale Guardsit and Templar concubine. Died in stable, betrayed by her lord and murdered by templar's templar lover. I was AFK.
2. High profilish whore guilder eats something that makes her puke her guts out. Massive amount of cures RIGHT IN THE ROOM. Player panic ensues. Hoochiemama gets dead.
3. First Noble in love with two Templars hunting evil sorceror and paying God knows how many sid to catch an escaped borsaily mul. Awesome ass kidnapping happens. Get murdered instead of released. Guess what... I WAS AFmotherfuckingK. Again.
4. Walked off cliffs.
5. Pissed off THE highest fire mage in the land.
6. Spam walked outside the gates and right into something that had her for lunch.
7. Spam walked into the rinth.
8. Forgot to hit flee when sparring with someone who HATED my character.

I could go on forever. Not one death has been the cause of me walking away. Tons of them have been reason to take a mnt to cry my eyes out.

Here's one that's probably the icing on the cake of noobness. Girl I know has a character and she dies.  She makes another one. Goes back into the same clan dot dot dot as her COUSIN. Yep. That happened 16 yrs ago.


Take any of my advices. Make a polar opposite throw away character.  A rinther, red stomer, a luirser, delf, tribal. A burglar ranger crafter assassin. Special app something.  Whatever.  Use a character generator for a backstory. Set yourself up for not giving a fuck about the next one's story.  You might end up with a character that lives to be 80.


Dying sucks.  I swear to you that you've JUST started to live here on Arm. Sooooo many more stories to live.

I wanna hug your feelings place so bad.

(edited to change created into cheated)
« Last Edit: October 02, 2017, 10:12:24 AM by ShaLeah »
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Riev

  • Posts: 4793
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2017, 09:14:48 AM »
I've had characters whose RP moments made me cry, because of the sheer emotions they were forced to portray, only to die to a one-prompt mantis head in a war he didn't know he joined.

I've had really great characters with neat things about them get double-carru'd because ride failed.

I've had MORE than one or two die as a result of me focusing on the social aspect and not worrying enough about the "that Templar wants to kill me" aspect.

It. SUCKS. That feeling of it all, that terrible wash of emotion? Its going to take a few more characters, but its going to happen again. And again. Its part of the draw of Arm, at least for me. Those little deaths, like a part of yourself you get to cast off and re-experience.
Masks are the Armageddon equivalent of Ed Hardy shirts.

Lizzie

  • Posts: 7490
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2017, 09:25:02 AM »
It can be heartbreaking, losing a character. However, this line in the OP's post concerns me:
Quote
There's no one in real life that I've connected to as much as with people in this game, and with my only connection to these friends I've made being gone, I just-...

If you really do feel that disconnected with people outside the game, I sincerely hope you can get help (or are already getting it). Plugging into a fantasy game and plugging out of reality can make it worse, rather than better.
Talia said: Notice to all: Do not mess with Lizzie's GDB. She will cut you.
Delirium said: Notice to all: do not mess with Lizzie's soap. She will cut you.

valeria

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2017, 11:43:04 AM »
I've been known to cry and have a good tea for unexpected deaths.  Other ones, I've cheered at, because they were the perfect end to the story.  When my mul died, who I put so much thought into, and who was an amazing character to live in the head of, I was pretty devastated.

But my most intense reactions to a character's death wasn't to my own.  When one of my character's lovers was killed in front of her, I cried off and on for three days.  (There was some RL stuff going on that was making me particularly prone to stress, but still.)  If I go back and read that log, I still choke up.  I had rolled that character up with extreme codependency and borderline personality disorder.  I couldn't imagine that character going on without her lost lover.  And she didn't, I had to store her.

Take a break if you need one, roll up a new, throwaway character if you need one.  The permanence of death is one of those things that makes Armageddon such an intense game, and it also seriously sucks.

Pale Horse

  • Posts: 4338
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2017, 01:24:51 PM »
Take a break if you need one, roll up a new, throwaway character if you need one.  The permanence of death is one of those things that makes Armageddon such an intense game, and it also seriously sucks.

This.

It's also what makes the game so addictive.  Our stories have value because of the permadeath and the dedication to absolute role-play that the game demands and the community gleefully provides.

It does make it massively suck and painful when a beloved character dies, however.  No joke on that and my condolences and sympathies for your character death.
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FamousAmos

  • Posts: 226
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2017, 10:07:55 AM »
Also: You are not your character.

I love the immersion of roleplaying, and we all put a bit of ourselves in our PC. But don't forget, it's still just fiction.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 10:14:43 AM by FamousAmos »

Molten Heart

  • Posts: 1869
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #16 on: October 03, 2017, 11:32:37 AM »
Online relationships will never be as fufilling as those which are face to face. In the case of Armageddon, the relationships characters have will always be artificial and eventually end with the eventual end of the character.

Invest more in real life social connections and learn to trust and depend on them. Those people are more likely to be there for you when you need them.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 11:35:21 AM by Molten Heart »

Grapes

  • Posts: 160
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #17 on: October 03, 2017, 01:41:08 PM »
I'm sure if you rolled up a new PC and invested in them the way you had your last one, you'd find yourself with all kinds of new situations to fill that gap left with the demise of the old one... you may not be ready for that at the moment, but when you are, give it another swing, just know, the sad reality of it is every, single, last PC you make is eventually going to die, so be ready when it happens. I don't think anyone here is unfamiliar with how you feel about what happened.

The terrible beauty about a game such as this is, chances are, you will begin to care for your character when you invest enough time in it, and it's in the docs very few die of old age. Many here have experienced the same thing, but the truth of the matter is, each setback, is an opportunity to explore new facets of the world. If you make a new, clean-slate PC, you'll find yourself playing through situations your previous PC never would have experienced, meet characters who you, previously would have thought it impossible to befriend, and possibly see another side of things that, before, would have appeared impossible to explore. You may see another side of the PCs you considered "friends" that you REALLY do not like.

TL;DR, I hope you get to feeling better. I know you're dealing with some personal issues, but you're not alone. *hugs*
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.

Refugee

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2017, 02:10:03 PM »
The emotional investment is what makes this MUD awesome.  Be honest...actual gameplay is outstripped by modern games.  It's how this game gets you in the guts that makes it worth hours and hours of your time.  Man, sometimes it really sucks.  Not just losing your own PC but PCs that your PC cared about so much, because you were so invested in your PC.

But like all love, that's the price you pay for it.  It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Akaramu

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #19 on: October 03, 2017, 05:18:37 PM »
Online relationships will never be as fufilling as those which are face to face.

This isn't true for everyone. Personally, as an Aspie, I find face to face interaction so exhausting that I can't keep it up for very long. People wear me out. I can manage half a day of social interaction here and there, but then I need alone time to recover. That's fine. I don't feel lonely, and I consider my life a fulfilling one. It's just different from the life most people have.

I can imagine that a mute person also finds it easier, and maybe more fulfilling, to communicate online. Most people don't know sign language.

Grapes

  • Posts: 160
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #20 on: October 03, 2017, 05:45:16 PM »
Online relationships will never be as fufilling as those which are face to face.

This isn't true for everyone. Personally, as an Aspie, I find face to face interaction so exhausting that I can't keep it up for very long. People wear me out. I can manage half a day of social interaction here and there, but then I need alone time to recover. That's fine. I don't feel lonely, and I consider my life a fulfilling one. It's just different from the life most people have.

I can imagine that a mute person also finds it easier, and maybe more fulfilling, to communicate online. Most people don't know sign language.

This. I love people but the thought of dealing with them face to face paralyzes me with fear. On the internet, I'm just some guy in a sea of faces, the consequences of assosciating are much less severe than, a panic attack, because I actually deeply care what someone else thinks of me and am so terrified of being rejected for being "odd", or worse, physically attacked, blindsided just because, leading to more unreasonable panic attacks.

EDIT: Try talking to Zo. She's an AI but she's a lot of fun to talk to.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2017, 05:50:58 PM by Grapes »
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.

Molten Heart

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #21 on: October 03, 2017, 05:45:51 PM »
Online relationships will never be as fufilling as those which are face to face.

This isn't true for everyone. Personally, as an Aspie, I find face to face interaction so exhausting that I can't keep it up for very long. People wear me out. I can manage half a day of social interaction here and there, but then I need alone time to recover. That's fine. I don't feel lonely, and I consider my life a fulfilling one. It's just different from the life most people have.

I can imagine that a mute person also finds it easier, and maybe more fulfilling, to communicate online. Most people don't know sign language.

I suppose there are exceptions for everything. I'm glad you're satisfied with your situation.

evilcabbage

  • Posts: 1877
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #22 on: October 03, 2017, 05:46:21 PM »
did i mention how fucking much i can't stand talking to people in real life, but i can put up with them online?

voila.

i find people online much easier to deal with. i respect the op for that as well, and won't suggest that they try to develop so-called "real" relationships where they're much less comfortable.
I could give a shit about wholesome.

mansa

  • Posts: 9381
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #23 on: October 03, 2017, 08:05:41 PM »
I'm sorry.

I find that I need to write more about the character in their background - fill it out - and write more about what they wanted to do - and how they died.
It helps me settle down a bit.

You can write biographies for your characters even after they are dead - http://www.armageddon.org/bios/
New Players Guide: http://gdb.armageddon.org/index.php/topic,33512.0.html


You win Armageddon, congratulations!  Type 'credits', then store your character and make a new one

Grapes

  • Posts: 160
Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #24 on: October 03, 2017, 10:04:11 PM »
Looking over the posts, most people don't throw a party when their characters die and be like, "Woohoo! Best-worst assassin in the known."... It really does hurt, especially when it's the only connection you have to other people... and to be honest, I can understand personal connections being very difficult to form, especially if you're obviously disabled, because then you have to question, who is defending you, and what might their goals be. You'd naturally be skeptical of some, I am, and it's not obvious at a glance, or listen, I have, ahem. issues.

I am not, obviously disabled, I'm not, mute, or parylized, or anything else. That's not to say such people do not have value, they certainly do, that's to say, I'm used to people saying I should get over it, which would be really good advice if I could, accept it, I can't. Some nights I just sit here and cry, and, well, sadly that's how it kind of goes. I'm disabled because my emotions are a hot mess. I'm not saying "get used to it", we've just all been there, and without a hint of irony, welcome to our club.
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.

Akariel

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Re: Stuck with intense grief. Alone. Need someone to talk to.
« Reply #25 on: October 24, 2017, 08:03:58 PM »
Just to clarify, it's not okay to talk about your character or their death on the forums. Please don't post any more stories of freshly killed characters.