Author Topic: Mental illness thread  (Read 32942 times)

valeria

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #75 on: January 11, 2017, 08:23:06 AM »
i have mental illness from chemical imbalance and upbringing ina dysfunctional family

"wow, you complain a lot, go see a therapist, internet isn't your blog"

head hurts from my migraines and joints hurt from my arthritis

"god bless!!! hope you feel better soon hun"

I've literally been unhappy for so long that I'm not entirely sure what happy feels like. Even when I laugh, because someone is genuinely funny to me, people make fun of my laugh and I shut it down.

"Man you complain a lot, just be happy".


I feel you man. I may not have any idea what its like to be you, but I'm an expert at what its like to be me. And its rough going when nobody around you wants to "deal with your shit" or expects particular behaviors out of -YOU- to satisfy their own view of the world.

Also, fuck them and I'm putting them on my side-eye list.

It's one thing to say 'hey, I need some time out from your mental health stuff to deal with my own mental health,' and quite another to say 'I don't want to deal with your shit.'

Uh, trust me, buddy, none of us wants to be dealing with my shit.  Least of all me.
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Hauwke

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #76 on: January 11, 2017, 04:49:59 PM »
Ive been hesitant to post in this thread for two reasons:
1) I give terribad advice.
2) I often find it hard to articulate exactly what I am trying to put out there.

That being said here goes an attempt.

First things first Metekillot, look after numero uno, at this point in your life it sounds like you really just need to say "No" to others. Even if its only once or twice.
Second upping your meds may only make things worse, or it could have the exact opposite effect and make things great again, personal example of mine:
In high school I would get minor anxiety attacks, not even sure why it was a very mixed reason thing,but the doc stuck me Fluexatine or something like that, It had Lovan written on the box idk what it was called. Either way that medication helped me get to a much better place in my life. Might be an idea to bring up the option of a weak dosage of something, just enough to pick you up, but not so much that it carries you

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #77 on: January 12, 2017, 10:21:40 PM »
My dose was upped from 50mg to 100mg a day for the lamictal in regards to my previous post about it being increased. Been a few days since the increase and I've got headaches, noticably unpleasant but not unbearable. Currently feeling good instead of average, so thinking it's gonna trigger another manic episode before I level out due to the dose increase, but I guess we'll wait and see. Hoping the increased dose has a sedative effect and stops fucking with my sleep so much (prescriber's advice). Got a new pillow to help with sleep. Not drifting off to sleep like I normally do lately, I'm just suddenly asleep without the preamble of getting dozier and dozier. Getting back into the gym has been helping with self-confidence. Looked at my abs in the mirror while they were still pumped from an exercise session :ok_hand_emoji: :100_emoji:
My thoughts.

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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #78 on: January 12, 2017, 10:31:50 PM »
Also my medication prescriber is a psychiatric nurse practitioner instead of a psychiatrist psychiatrist but I still trust her judgement in the matters of medicine prescribing. She's serious and cooly courteous but not rude, which I don't mind because I have an actual therapist for talk therapy. They regularly speak to each other about patients they share so I don't worry about her missing out on some important thing I'd mention in talk therapy that I don't bring up when I talk to her.
My thoughts.

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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #79 on: January 12, 2017, 10:34:47 PM »
Also noticing eye strain and blurred vision but I need to get a new prescription for glasses (or contacts) before I can figure out if it's the medicine.
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Yam

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #80 on: January 12, 2017, 10:46:59 PM »
Was that after upping the lamictal dose? Blurred vision is a side effect.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #81 on: January 12, 2017, 11:45:44 PM »
Ya but I also have a really outdated glasses prescription.
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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #82 on: January 13, 2017, 08:03:05 AM »
Had a long string of extremely vivid semi-waking dreams getting up this morning that bordered on hallucinations.
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boog

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #83 on: January 13, 2017, 08:43:17 AM »
Call your PA. Please.
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #84 on: January 13, 2017, 07:37:53 PM »
I felt fine after awaking fully. Slight blurry vision and a little depressed today but i was also self pitying about relationships today.
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boog

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #85 on: January 13, 2017, 07:41:42 PM »
I still suggest you call your doctor.
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #86 on: January 13, 2017, 07:45:42 PM »
When I called her ~5 days after starting the lamictal with my complaints of insomnia she told me I should just give my body time to get used to it so I'm not really keen to call her 3-4 days after increasing my dose with more complaints to be told the same thing so I was just gonna give it a week or two.
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boog

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #87 on: January 13, 2017, 07:48:33 PM »
No. You need to report all side effects to your doctor promptly. I don't care if she didn't give a shit or not, I do. You tell her how it made you feel. Lamictal is a bitch, but there has to be something else to try if it's not working for you.

She might could split the titration up more. There are very small doses of Lamictal available if bumping up too fast too soon is fucking with you.
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
Kismet: didn't see you in GQ homey
BadSkeelz: Whatever you say, Kim Jong Boog
Quote from: Tuannon
There is only one boog.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #88 on: January 13, 2017, 11:31:18 PM »
I started at 25.
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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #89 on: January 13, 2017, 11:32:27 PM »
But yeah the headaches seem to approach incapacitating when I work out. Head is pounding rn.
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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #90 on: January 14, 2017, 10:23:19 PM »
Sometimes my self-loathing gets bad enough that I wanna slice my own face up. I haven't self-harmed in a few months.
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HavokBlue

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #91 on: January 15, 2017, 01:32:40 AM »
I know this is like super lame advice and doesn't sound helpful when you're in a shitty mental state, but find something to focus your attention on. Like... Anything that gets the endorphins going and then keep doing it.  Cannabis helped me deal with aspects of depression but I can't be stoned 24/7 so it didn't completely eliminate it.

In my case, throwing myself at political stuff became the vehicle to pull me out of my mental funk because it was a tangible effort-reward cycle. I'm one of those people who for better or worse thrive on social validation and positive recognition.

Before pot and politics I was staying up for 2-3 days at a time and sleeping a whole bunch or not at all, no consistent sleep hours, etc. I had lost a ton of weight, I was hopeless and angry at everything, didn't want to see friends, constant self loathing, etc.
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Raptor_Dan

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #92 on: January 15, 2017, 01:44:59 PM »
You are in a rare position, describing your inner life here. You get a chance for  similar if not wholly alike people to weigh in with their own experiences and advice, as well as drastically different people. While I'm going to give you two bits of advice I really hope you'll follow, I'd like you to bear in mind I don't particularly judge these experiences and feelings you're having to one side or the other, I'm just acknowledging that they are, indeed, things. Keep a journal, or record of anything that could be a side effect as well as to record your dreams, or these other incidents that may or may not be. Also, call your doctor. So you've decided to wait a week or two, let your body adjust? Okay, call your doctor to tell her -that- instead, because it shows a difference in decision making and it never hurts to just fill in the people who can best take care of you/help you.

It's just communicating effectively, really.
I'm just looking for a general consensus. Or Moe's opinion. Either one generally can be accepted as canon.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #93 on: January 15, 2017, 11:51:39 PM »
Really really really intense but not unpleasant dreams lately. Less night terrors, but I still wake up yelling, but usually from anger instead of a fear. Lot of unresolved anger, bitterness, and anxiety in most of my interpersonal relationship and I dreamed about it often before the Lamictal.
My thoughts.

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Riev

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #94 on: January 16, 2017, 10:09:02 AM »
In my case, throwing myself at political stuff became the vehicle to pull me out of my mental funk because it was a tangible effort-reward cycle. I'm one of those people who for better or worse thrive on social validation and positive recognition.

Before pot and politics I was staying up for 2-3 days at a time and sleeping a whole bunch or not at all, no consistent sleep hours, etc. I had lost a ton of weight, I was hopeless and angry at everything, didn't want to see friends, constant self loathing, etc.

Semi-related, I have a friend who for YEARS would use pot and philosophy/math to keep his mind focused. Like, to the point where he'd be up for days researching something or getting engrossed in some arcane mathematical theory, only to abandon it a couple days later. Couple years ago, after FINALLY submitting to talking to a psychiatrist, he found out he had a mild form of Bipolar (the name of which I forget, but I think it was Cyclothymia). He didn't really know there was anything wrong, and was sort of just self-medicating when he'd get to those odd manic points in his life.

He's MUCH more settled now, has a stable girlfriend, but has dropped a lot of the heavy academic pursuits because he "doesn't feel the driving need" anymore.

TL;DR - Finding something to focus yourself on will help, but it has to be something viable and long term, which is why the medication route may be a great option. But I agree with Boog, any and all side effects should be reported. Make sure to include "headaches are at 8/10 when doing strenuous physical activity" language, and not "I've been having some headaches I guess"
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Synthesis

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #95 on: January 16, 2017, 11:30:29 AM »
The problem with mania is that people frequently don't want medication, or don't believe it's necessary, until they end up involuntarily committed or in jail, because it's physiologically similar to being high on cocaine or meth.  "Hypomania" is essentially an arbitrary distinction based on whether the mania is entirely fucking up your life or not.
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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #96 on: January 18, 2017, 04:25:39 PM »
I feel like I am an alien coming to understand people rather than a person interfacing with other people based on intuition. I'm inherently different than a lot of people, but I'm not quite a different species even if I feel that way sometimes. I'm definitely aneurotypical, with the good and the bad of some various and not fully identified conditions. I think about how people seek out what's familiar and what they know when I sit and consider relationships between people, and I realize the fact that I have a taste for excitement and intensity seems to just be me perpetuating what most of my life has been, even though the experiences I seek of my own volition I hope to be "happier" memories than most of my life thus far, unreliable and mercurial.

I know about some of the abusive and unhealthy parts of myself, my family, and my brain, but I'm trying to learn the greater majority of them so I can change my coping mechanisms and methods of interaction to have myself be more stable and happy. I thrive in stressful situations, but that's not maintainable.

I wonder if I'll wind down from having a taste for sex, drugs, and rock and roll when I get old.
My thoughts.

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MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #97 on: January 18, 2017, 04:37:27 PM »
I've scored more than half my dates immediately after an extremely depressed episode where my mood and confidence spiked so suddenly that I felt like I could start a cult if you gave me a soapbox.
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Synthesis

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #98 on: January 18, 2017, 10:11:49 PM »
Your experiences are not the source of your mania, they're merely the thought content for your flight of ideas.

The Lamictal is not working.

Although...as I mentioned earlier...it wouldn't be unusual for you to be okay with that, up until shortly after the point where it becomes a problem of life-ruining proportions.
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I come to the GDB to roleplay being deep and wise.
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manipura

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #99 on: January 18, 2017, 11:32:03 PM »
Although...as I mentioned earlier...it wouldn't be unusual for you to be okay with that, up until shortly after the point where it becomes a problem of life-ruining proportions.

It is indeed, a very fuzzy, thin line...where everything is absolutely fine until you realize somewhere between there and here that it isn't fine anymore. 
If you even realize it yourself, which you very often don't.