Author Topic: MeTekillot mental illness thread  (Read 15416 times)

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #225 on: May 12, 2017, 08:29:46 AM »
I thought having kids with randos would be cool though.

boog

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #226 on: May 12, 2017, 08:41:58 AM »
You live in Kentucky. Don't be Kentucky.

And mostly I meant for the STDs. I'm worried you'll engage in high risk behavior, such as not protecting yourself, if only for the thrill.

I want to at least tell you to practice some sort of caution.
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
Kismet: didn't see you in GQ homey
BadSkeelz: Whatever you say, Kim Jong Boog
Quote from: Tuannon
There is only one boog.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #227 on: May 14, 2017, 01:30:13 AM »
Sad and angry about social rejection/isolation tonight, negatively affecting my work performance but I'm still functional. My sex drive is also way down.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2017, 01:31:57 AM by MeTekillot »

Yam

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #228 on: May 15, 2017, 07:58:05 PM »
Hamster also trusts me now from my efforts to assuage my previous cruelty.

Now is the time to strike. Make it a decisive battle.

FamousAmos

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #229 on: May 15, 2017, 08:47:18 PM »
Has Borderline Personality Disorder ever been discussed with you, Met?

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #230 on: May 16, 2017, 10:54:42 PM »
No, I don't know if I meet the criteria for that. I do have issues with abandonment, but mine are more a result of naivete and poor social skills than a personality disorder, I think.

FamousAmos

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #231 on: May 17, 2017, 02:22:19 AM »
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
Chronic feelings of emptiness
Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
Having stress-related paranoid thoughts
Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #232 on: May 21, 2017, 09:08:18 AM »
I don't have objectives answers for all of those.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #233 on: May 21, 2017, 09:13:26 AM »
Procastinating until today on quitting harmful coping behavior of weed smoking. Dreading avoiding weed smoking friend will make my weird schizoid loneliness problems worse. Only available regular human interaction is electronic, strangers, work, or toxic family. Unstable relationships is probably a maybe at least. Been stable for last few weeks besides other night at work idealizing suicide rather than move back with family if I can't find living situation. Lease is up and roommate moving out.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #234 on: May 27, 2017, 07:42:36 PM »
I'm too squeamish to commit suicide but depressed enpugh that it fucks up my work performance.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #235 on: May 28, 2017, 07:06:23 AM »
I've bounced back into a generally content state of mind. Also of note is I've completely stopped use of nonprescription drugs.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #236 on: June 28, 2017, 05:44:16 PM »
I have moved out to bumfuck nowhere Corydon to live with my dad, get my license, and save money for college. My anxiety has been steady since I moved out here a few days ago. Does anyone have antianxiety tips? I smoke 1 cigarette a day max if I become too overwhelmed but I want to stop that completely. My dad isn't supportive of me going to therapy but I'll still go when possible. I have twice weekly online sessions as well. I partially moved out here due to guilt over not being as close to this side of the family as well.

Molten Heart

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #237 on: June 28, 2017, 06:36:12 PM »
I don't know if I've posted this on the GDB before, but there's been links found between anxiety and poor gut flora. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/04/gut-bacteria-mental-healt_n_6391014.html

Maybe mix up your diet with some pro and pre-biotics.

Edited to add: Another good tool for anxiety is a thing called "Box Breathing" (http://quietkit.com/box-breathing/)
« Last Edit: June 28, 2017, 06:45:10 PM by Molten Heart »

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #238 on: July 26, 2017, 11:34:12 PM »
I can't hold a job without quitting from despair inducing boredom 6 months down the line so my job history is a wreck. I have the same problem at every job. I can't go to college because I can't get a license without a car to practice. I moved back in with my fucking mom which was a shitshow and I can already tell will be again. I'm unemployed. I've started smoking cigarettes because they're the only thing that give me fifteen minutes of no anxiety from how fucked I am. I am terrified of driving. My mental health is in shambles. I'm in the safety net of my antidepressants because I can feel how much worse I would feel without them, it's like there's guard rails on how sad I can get, but not on how anxious. I've been vomiting from stress.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #239 on: July 26, 2017, 11:44:07 PM »
Actually, maybe not on the guard rails. Every day I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts to escape the wreck that has been and will be my life, just not in sadness, but as a way to cope. Fantasizing about suicide puts me to sleep, but I still can't sleep through the night.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #240 on: March 03, 2018, 04:02:22 AM »
I use nicotine to stabilize my emotions now. I don't take antidepressants and I've significantly cut down on marijuana and alcohol. I vape instead of smoke, since I can almost perceive cigarettes killing me every time I smoke one. My closest friend cut me out of her life because she's in a relationship with a very insecure guy who freaked out about me, but after the initial sting (back in October, about?) I don't care so much anymore. I don't see people outside of work or home very often, but I figure that won't be so bad once I start college. I have a few thousand saved up and am in the market for a shitty car so I can learn to drive properly. I don't shower daily like I used to, but I think that's me just being less stringent about my hygiene (and it seems to be helping my skin?) and not a mental illness thing.

I still have a weird relationship with violence and power, but I believe that might be a result of the abuse of my parents of me growing up and I'm able to identify it and mitigate it. I'm organizing sessions with an online counselor (again) but I don't feel like I need to get it done asap or I'll fall apart, more like it'll be easier to pick apart, identify, and mitigate my more peculiar neuroses and character flaws.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #241 on: March 19, 2018, 10:19:01 AM »
I took too many caffeine pills and had a mild episode of psychosis, thought the government was following me around. I mean, they're definitely watching me at least passively, because I'm a member of a bunch of extremist socialist groups on Facebook (one of them unironically defends Kim Jong Un?) and I regularly look up shit about gratuitous violence, explosives manufacture, and firearms, but that's just me being curious. Anyway I've settled back down and I don't think they're going to come shoot me while I'm using the restroom at work but I don't think I'm gonna take so many caffeine pills again. I took them because I was so tired I was going to call into work, but I very much do not want to lose my job (for now).

Yam

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #242 on: March 19, 2018, 07:06:30 PM »
Hell yeah. Thread's getting good again.

Grapes

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #243 on: March 19, 2018, 07:41:45 PM »
Glad to see you're putting in the effort to keep things in check. I was reading over some earlier pages in this thread, and my personal experience with similar problems is that a bit of preventative maintenance is easier than trying to clean up continually worse messes as time goes on.

If money for therapy is a problem, or treatment in general, consider a crises hotline, they maybe don't need to know EVERYTHING, suicidal ideation is different from attempts, you could share the suicidal ideation with the doctor they send you to for an intake assessment. A long time ago when I lived in Louisville, I went to the university downtown. They prescribed me anti-depressants, it did not, end well. Explain to a crisis hotline your financial situation, in my experience, these days, anyway, there tend to be, subsidized programs for mental illness, that involve seeing some doctors and not necessarily just getting thrown into the crazy bin and pumped full of thorazine.

Also, Melkor, wtf? Anyway, that was pages back, probably best to just, sweep that under the rug.
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.

cshoov

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #244 on: March 19, 2018, 08:02:51 PM »
Glad to see you're putting in the effort to keep things in check. I was reading over some earlier pages in this thread, and my personal experience with similar problems is that a bit of preventative maintenance is easier than trying to clean up continually worse messes as time goes on.

If money for therapy is a problem, or treatment in general, consider a crises hotline, they maybe don't need to know EVERYTHING, suicidal ideation is different from attempts, you could share the suicidal ideation with the doctor they send you to for an intake assessment. A long time ago when I lived in Louisville, I went to the university downtown. They prescribed me anti-depressants, it did not, end well. Explain to a crisis hotline your financial situation, in my experience, these days, anyway, there tend to be, subsidized programs for mental illness, that involve seeing some doctors and not necessarily just getting thrown into the crazy bin and pumped full of thorazine.

Also, Melkor, wtf? Anyway, that was pages back, probably best to just, sweep that under the rug.

A. S/o to Louisville. I lived there for a while, too.

B. In my experience and in that of others, pervasive suicidal thoughts can be okay sometimes.  I'm not saying you shouldn't get help if you think you're in danger of hurting yourself, but you don't have to give your thoughts power over your actions.  Sometimes when my depression is rough, I think about what it would be like to kill myself, and beating myself up over it just makes it worse.  I just think about it for a bit, then I let it go.

C. Somebody gave you chlorpromazine for depression? Wtffff I'm no MD but that is not what that's for.

D. +1 to crisis hotlines.  I worked at one for ~6 months and it was a really good resource for the community.  Their specialization was finding free/affordable mental health resources for callers.

Grapes

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #245 on: March 19, 2018, 08:09:30 PM »
No, I've never taken chlorpromazine, I was just recalling crazy stories an old schizophrenic neighbor of mine told me from way back in the day. We spent a lot of time talking about mental illness, and improvements in treatment methods, and this was some ten years ago, when I was unmedicated and without any form of treatment.

They gave me an SSRI for a "mood disorder"... they didn't want to say depression for some reason. Found out why later when I had a manic episode that about ruined my life. With nothing to mitigate the potential side effect of mania, well, impulsivity, hey, these happy pills make me feel good, I think I'll take another.

ETA: The problem with bipolar disorder is communicating to people you've wronged, about the things you did, namely, friends and family, is very difficult because they simply do not take the time to research and understand the condition. There are very real differences in brain structure, white matter sheathing, etc that all contribute to "episodes". When you say, "I have moodswings." you might often hear "Yeah, bud, everyone does. You just don't care about anyone but yourself.", which certainly doesn't help the depressive side, where you ruminate on thoughts, regrets, wonder if these people you actually DO care about might be right. If you try to explain the intricacies, then you'll get that stare like their brain just shut off. It's like, to some, you seem to be fabricating this enormous lie as some kind of excuse.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 08:18:34 PM by Grapes »
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #246 on: March 20, 2018, 08:49:21 AM »
Being autistic on top of having a mood disorder is where I lose most people in the glassy stare.

Grapes

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #247 on: March 20, 2018, 03:52:04 PM »
Being autistic on top of having a mood disorder is where I lose most people in the glassy stare.

Ah, yeah, that's one thing I didn't go into, is there can be comorbid conditions, which complicates matters, and I don't really think I could do the subject justice trying to explain it. It might be some psuedoscience magazine article I read a while back nonsense, but there are some interesting genetic and neurological parallels that bipolar disorder shares with autism as well as schizophrenia.
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.

MeTekillot

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #248 on: March 22, 2018, 08:00:04 PM »
I have a family history of mental illness, as well as a traumatic childhood. Thankfully, none of the abuse was sexual, so I at least have somewhat normal sensibilities when it comes to that. I've had to learn social skills by rote and practice, and the same with conversation. I often wander around muttering to myself (though I have learned to not mutter) as I practice phrasing and just speaking in general. I'm obsessed with succinctly expressing my thoughts, and lately, I've also been practicing doing so with "normal" words that I try not to have exceed two or three syllables, as I am gradually (and always), learning more about people, and I have realized that most people are not English nerds (besides boog(parentheses(inside(parentheses)))).

I have also come to terms with the fact that I have a fetish for violence and sadism that is probably a result of the specific kinds of abuse heaped on me by my father, though it may also be genetic? I intend to study psychology and neurology when I start college. Honestly, I'd love to octuple major, and I probably could, if I were on a mainline of Adderall the whole time, but realistically, my poor executive function makes studying and focusing hard if I don't have some sort of substance to assist or if I'm not actively stimulated by the activity.

Grapes

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Re: MeTekillot mental illness thread
« Reply #249 on: March 22, 2018, 08:30:20 PM »
There's been some research done that seems to indicate base temperment has a strong genetic component, although I happen to believe environment also plays a role, however I don't know what the hell I'm talking about here because my basis is some magazine article I read back in the day and not serious research on my part.

I used to be an extremely spiteful, aggressive, angry person. Part of this may be due to inheritance on my dad's side, but I'm sure no small part of it was conditioning through fear. This was dangerous for two reasons, for one, the slightest sign of aggression on the part of another would cause panic to grip me, which resulted in addrenalline surge and a fight or flight instinct in a mind that preferred "fight". The other part feeds into the first in that I, myself, was an aggressive douchebag and nobody likes those.

I wouldn't say it was so much a fetish for me, more of what seemed like a necessary evil, in that if you give someone an inch my experience had taught me they'd take a mile. I realized it was self-destructive, harming my health, and, as I reflected, horribly unfair for those who found themselves in my vicinity. Modifying my attitudes and beliefs in order to facilitate modification of my behavior took a lot of quiet, alone-time, and is a work that's never really finished. It's a good thing I'm naturally an introvert.

I have to say I'm not particularly upset everything went to hell in a handbasket for me, as it was a valuable learning experience, also I kind of sort of deserved it for being a jackass. I can now reflect on those lessons when dealing with people who give me trouble and perhaps facilitate some positive change in their lives, if not right away, then somewhere down the road, which I feel inclined to do given that I've spent a good long while trying to cultivate empathy. I find it rewarding if I have some small degree of success somewhere, somehow.

I look forward to reading of your success in your chosen field in the future. Those two subjects are fascinating, but I am unfortunately much more artistic than analytical, so it's not something I can apply myself to.
Quote from: Is Friday
If you ever hassle me IC for not playing much that means that I'm going to play even less or I'll forever write you off as a neckbeard chained to his computer. So don't be a dick.