Death and Zalanthas

[BrokenRomance]

I /think/ this is the right board for this.

I'm really wondering, if culturally all Zalanthans have this powerful urge for self-preservation, why exactly do so many PCs get played as having no concern for the death of loved ones, friends, or family?

I mean, if we value our own lives so much it's highly likely we'd value the lives of those close to us just as much. Instead, if somebody we loved or cared about dies, we barely even spend an IC day caring about it. Realistically, if you cared all that much about people dying at all, you'd care for a week, a month, or a few years.

Instead usually by the next week nobody even talks about them. They were just somebody that died now, it doesn't matter that they were Amos' mate. Amos has by the next week hooked up with Galmos. Lassmos doesn't matter anymore.

I personally want to know why as a culture we all care about ourselves dying, and supposedly avoid it at all costs, but screw everybody else. There is just no way all PCs are that self-absorbed.

[Erythil]

Playing out the grieving process is tedious, and at the rate people die in this game, if you had realistic grief for all your dead friends, you'd have trauma and PTSD pronto.

I think it's as simple as that, a playability thing.

[Hauwke]

I tend to grieve icly for a few rl days, my character feels it properly for that time, which equates to a few weeks. Then after that given the right situation and attitude my pc is 'mostly' able to simply hide it. If that makes sense.

[BrokenRomance]

I tend to grieve icly for a few rl days, my character feels it properly for that time, which equates to a few weeks. Then after that given the right situation and attitude my pc is 'mostly' able to simply hide it. If that makes sense.

See, I tried doing that with my PC but after a day or two RL time everyone acted like I was being silly even mentioning her best-friend's name.

[Hauwke]

Oh I get what you mean, I have even seen it done. But at the same time, those who properly grieve are probably the more realistic, but the issue is finding a good balance between grieving and playability.

[QuillDipper]

My time to shine.

My His Arm sergeant spent a lot of time grieving over dead friends, loved ones, and rivals, and it was always fun imo.

I feel like playability is an appropriate answer in this situation as grief and loss take time to get over and emotionally stunt your character, which can make it less fun to play if you're only signing on to mope.

Which leads to the question of closeness - if death is cheap on Zalanathas, getting close enough to people that you grieve should be rare. In the cases where it happens, even if your character is soft, Zalanathas isn't the kind of place for despair. Realistically, maybe, but this is one of those situations where realism isn't as fun.

If you're in despair or sad, drink your problems away before sparring. Don't take care of yourself as well as you should. If it's less up to 11, be emotional, or try to swallow your sadness, whatever that means for your character.

Really if a friend dies it'll feel bad. And I feel like most people in the known should know that, though they may not have the same reactions to grief. There'll be hardasses and gruff guys who'll say suck it up but I feel that adds to the challenge of emotional relief vs stoicism.

Tldr, play out grief if it's fun and IC for your PC to do so, but keep in mind that (as far as the general pop. goes) if people die every day for every reason, its not unusual for emotonal distance to stifle or bypass the grieving process


Personally I think a lot of fun is to be had from playing out characters darker emotional times but I also get it's not for everyone

[WithSprinkles]

It might not be that people are not grieving. It might be that people are not close enough to them to see them grieve. In real life I'm not gonna let the general populace know about something tragic happening in my personal life and I'm not gonna break down and cry in front of even my closest friends. I'm gonna tell them I'm fine and maybe even get hostile if they keep bringing something like that up. We all handle things differently.

[path]

I think since death is such a common occurrence from both an OOC and IC standpoint both the players and people of Zalanthas are simply be more pragmatic about it. Sadly, this sort've thing happens in real life, too, when others don't seem to understand or respect your grieving process or how long it can take. I actually think them brushing it off is sort've realistic, if not very compassionate.

As to Amos shacking up with Lamos so quickly after, I'd probably give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the character is doing that as a way to bury their grief and try to move on. I think it's pretty common IRL to try and throw yourself into something else to escape grief.

I've had characters grieve lots of different ways. Angrily, blaming others, silently in thoughts and feelings, privately alone in solo rp, sometimes by bringing up anecdotes about the character to keep them alive. I've had character grieve publicly but not feel anything. Once I had a character who fell so in love with someone that died, even though they weren't even lovers, she pushed everyone else away for about an OOC year. Sometimes my characters try to spice or drink it away. At least once my character got into such a rut afterwards I ended up giving up and storing her. Once I had a character who tried to get someone brought back to life (no one agreed that was a good idea). I know someone who went into a murderous rage at the death of one of his family and took it out rather unfortunately on an NPC whore.

I've seen several funerals and memorials but maybe not as many as I'd like. I know lots of people keep small and sometimes secret trinkets to remember those who have passed.

You mentioned that a week later nobody cares. If you mean an OOC week, that's eighty four game days. That might be enough time for people who weren't really attached to feel over it. Anyway, I guess you should just try to give players the benefit of the doubt. It's quite difficult to see these situations from every angle. I'd just do your best to keep your side of the street in order and lead through your most believable example. <3

[Desertman]

I generally reserve my real grieving for very longterm friends in-game for my PC's. (You need to be able to hang and stay close for several RL months typically or RL years.)

If I grieved every casual friend I had with my PC's my entire roleplay experience would be nothing but walking around depressed as fuck.

For this reason MOST of my PC's tend to take the stance, "Shit happens. It's unfortunate but they are the sixth one this year. It is what it is.".

[lostinspace]

if death is cheap on Zalanathas, getting close enough to people that you grieve should be rare.

This exactly. And even those that you do get close to, you've likely lost so many before it's not really that terrible when you lose another. It's just part of day to day life.

[nauta]

I know the op is talking more about individual emotional responses, but I'd like to chip in with some reflections on the more ritualistic aspect of death.

The coded tribes have documented rituals associated with death -- the ones I've seen are incredibly cool.  I believe if you write up a non-coded human tribal, you are encouraged to reflect on what funeral practices they would have.   As for Allanak, it's both a blessing and a curse that there's scant by way of  documented stuff about religious practices.  This leaves it open to individual whim and allows for a lot of variety from the uber-stoic-rationalist to the thick occult. 

I tend to enjoy coming up with zany mourning rituals, and I've seen a lot in game, from sleeping with the corpse and carrying pieces of their bones around with on up to cremation and public interment funerals (albeit that was in Tuluk) to shipping the body off on a skimmer (in Red Storm).

Not to shift this from the topic, but I think it's related:

Does anyone have any documented facts on how:

o noble families handle death -- funerals?  cremation?  toss 'em on the pile?

o GMH families handle death

o commoners in Allanak handle death

[Malifaxis]

Nobles: However they feel. I have seen burials, burnings, and beheadings.

GMH: Commonly burial.

Commoners: Toss them on the pile if they are somehow in the way.

[The Lonely Hunter]

Family: 1 less mouth to feed, less water to share, one less person that knows your secrets.
Friends: Huh? I'm not even sure that word should exist in Zalanthas - at least not in the same way that it does in our world.
Loved ones: Tuluk is closed, all applications to love will be denied.

[Chettaman]

to begin: the lonely hunter is awesome.

This is a game and it mimics real life.
I have discovered that... some people grieve longer than others. Some people may even grieve until their dying day. In the real world. I've also noticed that... there are more people who know they're just playing a game compared to those who really understand the role they may be playing? I don't mean to say people aren't playing correctly, because that's absurd to say about a role playing game. I'm saying that I've noticed that people have done things that aren't as in character as they would want to believe. -- this is just /my/ explanation as to how people react to things in game.
But of course, I could be wrong and the people of zalanthas should /all/ be exactly the same in the way they deal with their feelings or near the same. People IRL and IC both have varying opinions of death. That's my advice on death and zalanthas

Also. I want to announce that I don't believe sex or mudsex is equal to love. I promise you can be someone's friend and/or want to do naughty things to them and/or actually do naughty things to them and be little more than friends or even acquaintances. Respect and what's expected and understanding that maybe the confusion is coming from someone other than your character... I'm actually a little frightened by the amount of people who jump into IC relationships platonic or otherwise and OOCly get invested. Now, I understand it's neither impossible or wrong. And I'm not frightened that it actually happens. I'm frightened by the speed of it all and the uh, "results" if you will. I understand also that this is a really touchy subject so I'll leave it alone, but if you'd allow me some attention I'd like to give some advice to those who would become actually invested in another player and their character.
Be yourself in real life. ... or whoever you decide to be. But don't lie. Don't share "too much" IC stuff. (IC  beingstuff that isn't known to the common person) Do make compromise on obvious things that you might get angry about. Be honest with yourself. Acknowledge the things that upset you and again talk and compromise on those things that become obvious.
While I'm big on doing things for fun and playing how you want, I really, really want to ask you to keep your real life separate from your character(s) lives on armageddon. Deciding whether you can or not and/or if it's worth missing out on "a chance" is an issue, I understand. Which is why I started with, be yourself in real life. Don't be ashamed of yourself for having feelings for another person! You can be attracted to anyone and not make a decision about how you're going to move in with them IRL. You could... I'm just saying you don't have to.