Too much personality is what gets characters killed early.
Unless I deliberately make a more subdued character, mine tend to have an overabundance of personality, which puts them in the line of fire pretty frequently. Those same characters also tend to be ridiculously long-lived. I haven't had a character die in years... I just retire them when I feel their story is done. (FWIW I'm not trying to be smug, here, I actually wish I could just go out in a blaze of glory at times, instead of just fading away.)
So I think your argument is flawed, or maybe I'm an exception to the rule.
I think you're an exception to the rule. I mean, if you're playing that character that sits at the bar and flirts with people and doesn't do much else--which it doesn't sound like you are... then yeah.
I've had over 2 dozen female characters (I play females mostly,) professionally assassinated, murdered in public places, murdered in non-public places, left-for-dead, tortured to death, and so on and so forth. Usually the people doing this would be GMH leaders, Templars, militia, gang members, and desert elves.
If you aren't taking risks within the reasonable bounds of your character and the environment--you just aren't playing to have fun. You can play female PCs who get murdered or maybe just attacked (if you can get away/be a badass.)
All you really have to do is get over the "I don't wanna make this person mad" mentality. If they don't "belong" to anyone, i.e. House, gang, important person--then fuck em
*. Do whatever you want to them. They don't deserve your respect, because you either a.) work for someone more powerful or
b.) are on the same social standing as them. All you gotta do now is bribe somebody to beat his ass. Hire a gang, hire the militia, bribe a templar--make someone else that's powerful a friend. Make that fucker pay for whatever insult he slung at you at the bar.
I have many, many times bribed militia, gang members, assassins, and people of that seedy variety to just beat people to a pulp. Believe it or not, the other person gets it
after that. If you get someone to bring them within an inch of their life and they value that character, they will roleplay like they value their life--accordingly.
Murder, corruption, betrayal.
* By fuck em
I mean fuck them over. Not mudsex them.
sidenote: If you're playing one of those characters who "defends" people at the bars when they're being picked on--you should instead take a step back and take into account just who is involved. If some Tor officer is embarrassing some half-elf, you shouldn't get involved unless you're supporting the officer. If some human is picking on the elf, and you're human... you shouldn't be getting involved unless you're supporting the human.
And most importantly, if you're a man and some woman is being singled out and harassed--you shouldn't be her white knight, because no pussy is worth getting killed because you disrespected some gang/officer/powerful guard with friends.