Author Topic: I went on a date..  (Read 397352 times)

Lizzie

  • Posts: 7990
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2525 on: June 09, 2011, 06:51:47 PM »
I met my husband the old fashioned way: at a bar.
Talia said: Notice to all: Do not mess with Lizzie's GDB. She will cut you.
Delirium said: Notice to all: do not mess with Lizzie's soap. She will cut you.

mansa

  • Posts: 9710
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2526 on: June 09, 2011, 07:01:49 PM »
I AM SINGLE AND LOOKING FOR LOVE.
New Players Guide: http://gdb.armageddon.org/index.php/topic,33512.0.html


You win Armageddon, congratulations!  Type 'credits', then store your character and make a new one

MeTekillot

  • Posts: 10418
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2527 on: June 09, 2011, 07:58:44 PM »
Where have you buried the body, MeTekillot?

lordcooper

  • Posts: 7932
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2528 on: June 09, 2011, 08:22:15 PM »
You did make me nostalgic, though - I hadn't been on OKC for a bit - so here's my three part blog post on some of the more, ah, quirky messages I recieved:  http://www.okcupid.com/profile/rairen/journal

Members only, any chance of a copy-paste?

If someone is generally considered sane/normal than I'll have little to no interest in them romantically or sexually.  Crazy is just so much more fun.  Exception: clingers.

On a quite possibly related note, my stepdads girlfriend of a fortnight came on to me pretty damn strongly earlier today.  Should I tell him?
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

fuck authority smoke weed erryday

oh and here's a free videogame.

Rairen

  • Posts: 636
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2529 on: June 09, 2011, 09:46:57 PM »
Quote from: Nyr
Stuff.

My whining, semi-pathetic tone isn't carrying over the internets well!  I meant it more jokingly - a la, why aren't you asking their opinion of Beethoven's Eroica symphony or something else clever and/or pretentiously silly - but I'm pleased that you have such a, ah, healthy perspective on online dating?  I jump over the edge into cynical humor way too easily when online.
Quote from: saquartey
Rairen, what would we do without you?

LauraMars

  • Helper
  • Posts: 9383
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2530 on: June 09, 2011, 10:21:10 PM »
I want to log in to OK Cupid to read Rairen's writings, but I logged out about eight months ago in a fit of cowardice and I'm still afraid of my inbox.
Child, child, if you come to this doomed house, what is to save you?

A voice whispers, "Read the tales upon the walls."

Is Friday

  • Posts: 6476
    • My Twitch Channel
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2531 on: June 09, 2011, 10:22:41 PM »
Yeah I wanna see why there's badgers involved in that profile. C'mon.
And then I sat there going "really? that was it? that's so stupid."

I still think the best closure you get in Armageddon is just moving on to the next character.

rishenko

  • Posts: 1697
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2532 on: June 09, 2011, 10:40:29 PM »
Yeah I wanna see why there's badgers involved in that profile. C'mon.


Likely something to do with cheese heads.

Delirium

  • Helper
  • Posts: 12044
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2533 on: June 09, 2011, 10:49:36 PM »
I want to log in to OK Cupid to read Rairen's writings, but I logged out about eight months ago in a fit of cowardice and I'm still afraid of my inbox.

Exactly this.

Some brave soul screenshot it for us, will they?
"There are no happy endings, because nothing ends." - Schmendrick

Mooney

  • Posts: 458
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2534 on: June 10, 2011, 12:37:59 AM »

Rairen

  • Posts: 636
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2535 on: June 10, 2011, 07:02:41 AM »
I had to reopen my profile for this.  Hope these are as chuckle-worthy as I remember. 



Why Spelling Matters (or Beware the Auto-Correct)

After a few wry chats with some disbelieving blokes here, I thought it would be fun to save some of the messages that have found their way into my inbox as a reference to suitors across OKC.  It's worth noting that while I am irresistably adorable, I'm not model-beautiful.  God help the women who are.  The volume of absurdity must increase by ten.

------------

To begin, spelling does count, whatever the cool kids on the internet have been telling you. If you've already been titled the 5th grade spelling bee champion, then beware the cursed auto-corrector.  (iPhone users, I'm looking at you.)


"Had to write and say your one gorgeous lady but I'm sure u hear that a lot but I ghastly to put my 2 cents in haha"

I ghastly to read this, too.

 

"Clink Eastwood is awesome."

Admit it.  You giggled.

 

"Couldn't help but stare at your picture in shear awe haha, so I wanted to to drop by and say something."

When I first read this - yes, hurredly - I thought it said "shear ewe" and prepared myself for some obligatory Scotsman jokes.

 

"O boy, oooo boy. This is me being fecetious."

While the rest of the message doesn't make this line any more clear, I can guarantee you that one of the Top Ten words that you don't want a girl to think of when she sees you is "feces".  ("Bieber" is another.)

----

(I know that I'm not the only girl who does this, but I feel that there's more than enough hilarity to go around.  I'm also an equal opportunity humorist, who would gladly do the same to my shameful feminine counterparts... except that I rarely review a girl's profile.  Call it a weakness of the site.  I'm curious (and a little afraid) to know what's going on with my gender, however, if you feel that these pale in comparison to what you've experienced.)



"Why, hello, may I come in your face?"

(Language warning below for the weak of heart.)

As far as I can tell, there are three types of OKCers.  Type #1 are the smooth characters who can make broccoli interesting and never seem to sweat having to send introductory emails to people.  Type #2 are the rest of us who barely manage to come out coherent, but damn it, we sent the letter.  (Take that, awkward introversion!)   Then there's this peculiar type #3 who somehow can look at a list of interesting conversation starters and blow RIGHT PAST THEM into the bizarre.  Into things that I can't believe anyone would think are a normal, sensible introductions and that you would never say to a complete stranger face-to-face.

Note that the below are not segues.  They're not intimate middles of long thoughtful conversations.  These are the first things that ever passed between us save for longing looks at profile pages.


i would fuck you so hard its not even funny just being honest your sexy as hell sorry if i come off to in your face i'm a lil drunk

For the love of all that is good and holy on this earth, don't message a girl whilst intoxicated!

 

see if I knew you better
Id' invite you over in this codl weather for a dip in my hot tub


Note:  This is a different person than the last guy.  A real, different, human being, person.

 

I heard nothing comes from Rockville except for rocks!

Bwah...?

(And if you think that this, surely, is the work of some mother's basement types on IM, take a look at this one:)

 

Message subject: (no subject)

Message:  Yeah badgers


Yes, this e-mail inspired Update #1 on my profile.

 

Madam,

There is not too many of us left that wear our glasses each day. I believed you must too. I thought I had perfect vision till drivers ed :) Not so.... ha.

Well, have a good one. I am so tired from a seminar that I just got in from.


 I'm so, so, so, so, so flattered that anyone would take the time to write an e-mail... but... please... tell me...  where am I supposed to go with this?

"Thanks, my lenses are thicker than yours?"

"Let's compare our best driving accidents over coffee at Barstucks?"

"I'm pretty sure you're going to regret this message in the morning?"

 

And then, of course, there's the creme de la creme of bizarre e-mail exchanges, an introductory e-mail that was this close to being captivatingly quirky until it jumped off the deep end into crazy.

 

Rairen
I understood that your easy going, fun, geeky and a fast talker.
So, If I walked to you and I said :
My lady, welcome to the are, allow me to introduce myself, my culture and share my stories with you.
Assuming that you won't reach to your pepper spray immediately, will your response be:


A: Ooh, I'm bisexual, some times
trisexual and traumatized by goats, guys and girls, I'm looking for a robot.

B: Indeed, tell me about your self and let's plan a trip, or coffee and conversations round.

C: Oh Henry, I was waiting for an alien the whole time. Mr. Alien, abduct me, conquer me and take me with you to E.T and transformers land, even if it's in a corn field ( most aliens lives in corn fields, and probe cows. Based true statements by abductees who usually come back stoned. ). Tear my dress and sanity, make passionate love to me and never bring me back.

[name omitted] :)

( Henry is not my name, just a chocolate bar I like)





execute not pardoned

By request.  I didn’t plan on posting these alone because pedantry regarding punctuation and capitalization can open a girl up to sneering comments.  Standard QWERTY keyboards have two shift keys, and I prefer that they be used at appropriate times, thank you very much.

However nice the sentiments in the message, it’s impossible to persuade me that these wouldn’t have been that much more compelling if they followed standard – or even casual – grammatical rules…


Subject:  hi

Message:  how are you?   
     

… especially when they include only four words.

 

hola :D - i am sure you get this all the time but hopefully you could differentiate the weirdos vs honest compliments.. so here It goes cute smile nice pics !!!!

I’d trade you an exclamation point for a comma, and I think it’d about work out. (In his defense, this was not a native English speaker so points to him for speaking far better English than I do Italian.)

 

Subject:  hi

Message:  Hey, hows it going? You sound like a pretty cool girl and I think you are incredibly beautiful. Id really like to chat and get to know you. Whats your name?


If he could’ve avoided contractions, I never would’ve realized that he murdered his apostrophe key and buried it under Wrigley Field.  (Men who call me “incredibly beautiful” do tend to cause me to overlook lapses in protocol.  It’s a female privilege.)


You worry about catastrophes? I guess b/c you work in health care? I like you're halloween costume btw

This admittedly could have been filed under odd things people notice about my profile, as well.

 
i lived in Madison, WI one winter and worked at Menard's...believe it or not...

Ditto this. (Menard’s – I’m forgetting if the apostrophe goes there or not – is a Wisconsin version of Home Depot and is busier than any store I’ve ever seen, no matter the season, believe it or not.)

 

Subject:  good day

Message:  :) super hats and smile

thought id say hi and share my page


He seems like an example of my sweet, struggling type #2 personality bucket on OKC. Compare that message to this, however:

Subject:  :)

Message:   Super hats and smile.  Thought I’d say “hi!” and share my page.


Busily blogging lass that I am, I often don’t have time to respond to messages.  I’m certain I didn’t get to the first one.  I might have the second for its casual cuteness.  Who knows?

 
How do you like living in MD? I thought i'd really detest it, but have much more free time since it has definitely shortened the commute, and i spend less time drinking with dc-ites on school nights! Did once consider health policy type work, but ended up going down the research road, which i love. Hope you are enjoying Haloween.. [name omitted]

Yep. He’s in school.

 

Your Update #2 is quite confusing. You are sweet and affectionate and you dont like pretense. But you dont like sweet, affectionate men that dont like pretense? What am I missing?

Apostrophes. :(

 

Like your profile pics you look gorgeous in them. :) See your into video games, you have an Xbox360? You have a facebook account?

He said it was about me, but it’s really my 360 that brings all the boys to the yard.
Quote from: saquartey
Rairen, what would we do without you?

RogueGunslinger

  • Posts: 19103
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2536 on: June 10, 2011, 08:12:26 AM »

Quote
Rairen
I understood that your easy going, fun, geeky and a fast talker.
So, If I walked to you and I said :
My lady, welcome to the are, allow me to introduce myself, my culture and share my stories with you.
Assuming that you won't reach to your pepper spray immediately, will your response be:


A: Ooh, I'm bisexual, some times
trisexual and traumatized by goats, guys and girls, I'm looking for a robot.

B: Indeed, tell me about your self and let's plan a trip, or coffee and conversations round.

C: Oh Henry, I was waiting for an alien the whole time. Mr. Alien, abduct me, conquer me and take me with you to E.T and transformers land, even if it's in a corn field ( most aliens lives in corn fields, and probe cows. Based true statements by abductees who usually come back stoned. ). Tear my dress and sanity, make passionate love to me and never bring me back.

[name omitted]

( Henry is not my name, just a chocolate bar I like)

This is the one you marry.

Is Friday

  • Posts: 6476
    • My Twitch Channel
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2537 on: June 10, 2011, 08:14:40 AM »
I'm pretty sure I opened up the conversation with my wife by messaging her, "You look like an exotic dancer."

Man, I'm so pro.

edit: Ugh... my first girlfriend tried adding me on facebook the other day. I started doing the "hand holding middle school dating" thing with her after her friends harassed me for weeks to ask her out, (I had literally no interest in dating her. I later found out in high school a lot of people thought I was gay. lol) So I'm "dating" her and shit and during lunch I wanted to go play basketball, so she said very unenthusiastically, "Yeah if you wanna go play basketball you can I mean... yeah...." As if me going and playing basketball was me choosing a sport over her and therefore driving a wedge between us. (Which I kinda was, because I had no interest in her. I also thought that standing around holding hands was the most boringest shit ever.)

So I went and played basketball and then that night when I was on the phone with her (suffering through little-to-no conversation phone calls as girls that age like to force boys into,) and she said "Oh! We've been dating for one whole day as of this minute." And that's when I knew I had to do it. So I told her, "Yeah... this isn't working out. I don't wanna date you."

p.s. basketball was so much better than standing around doing nothing.

p.p.s. That first girlfriend's other friend became not-her-friend after they started fighting over wanting to date me even after I broke up with the former.

p.p.p.s. We really shouldn't let kids in the 12-18 range have sex. Kids are so fuckin stupid.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2011, 08:48:08 AM by Is Friday »
And then I sat there going "really? that was it? that's so stupid."

I still think the best closure you get in Armageddon is just moving on to the next character.

LauraMars

  • Helper
  • Posts: 9383
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2538 on: June 10, 2011, 09:12:59 AM »
You worry about catastrophes?

SHE WORRIES ABOUT APOSTROPHES.

rairen that was great sexy lol my sides ake and Im in shear awe
Child, child, if you come to this doomed house, what is to save you?

A voice whispers, "Read the tales upon the walls."

rishenko

  • Posts: 1697
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2539 on: June 10, 2011, 09:39:13 AM »
You worry about catastrophes?

SHE WORRIES ABOUT APOSTROPHES.

rairen that was great sexy lol my sides ake and Im in shear awe

Why do women focus so much on how well a scissor cuts? :(

Kismetic

  • Posts: 7007
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2540 on: June 10, 2011, 10:17:22 AM »
Riaren, that's pretty hilarious.  I especially relate to poor Mr. Glasses.  I don't do the e-thing, but sometimes, I'll be chatting with a girl, and if I actually like her, I'll get nervous and ask the dullest, quickest question that comes to mind, just to deflect attention from myself.  Then, I'm left standing there, thinking, "You fucking dork, did you just ask her if she likes bananas?!"

Yeah badgers

Too funny.

I have a question:  Why do single, young and childless people e-date?  I mean, is it a quantity thing (more people meaning more odds of finding compatibility)?
"Well, Gary, if that even is your real name ...  somebody stole my computer.  Now, if you're a criminal--  Look at me! ... You have to tell me, legally, or else it's considered entrapment."  -- Andy Dwyer

brytta.leofa

  • Posts: 9480
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2541 on: June 10, 2011, 10:34:34 AM »
I have a question:  Why do single, young and childless people e-date?  I mean, is it a quantity thing (more people meaning more odds of finding compatibility)?

Because there's only one cute female at work, and she already gets hit on enough* by the Awkard QA Guy.

* This is an excuse. We had lunch once, but she didn't want to date.
The sword is sharp, the spear is long,
The arrow swift, the Gate is strong.
The heart is bold that looks on gold;
The dwarves no more shall suffer wrong.

LauraMars

  • Helper
  • Posts: 9383
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2542 on: June 10, 2011, 10:36:22 AM »
I think the main reason for me is: We now have the ability to be connoisseurs, daintily selecting only the choicest morsels from a vast buffet.  But there's a couple other reasons I like it.  

- No expensive bar tabs or drunk, sweaty man-children with boundary issues.
 
- As Rairen has aptly proven, the pick-up lines can be hilarious rather than mortifying in their inappropriateness.  Much better to laugh quietly and hit delete than suffer such advances in a bar blasting Kanye at max volume.  

- It also gives me less of a feeling that humanity as an intelligent species is doomed, since clever people do occasionally pop up.

(All this is obsolete due to the fact that I'm still deathly afraid of my inbox.)
Child, child, if you come to this doomed house, what is to save you?

A voice whispers, "Read the tales upon the walls."

Rairen

  • Posts: 636
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2543 on: June 10, 2011, 10:39:26 AM »
I have a question:  Why do single, young and childless people e-date?  I mean, is it a quantity thing (more people meaning more odds of finding compatibility)?

Because when the gorgeous ex-marine at work who thinks I'm cute and brilliant hits on me, I have to turn him down because he's my frickin' client.  *twitch*
« Last Edit: June 10, 2011, 10:52:02 AM by Rairen »
Quote from: saquartey
Rairen, what would we do without you?

MeTekillot

  • Posts: 10418
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2544 on: June 10, 2011, 12:35:35 PM »


Story of my life.


i'm done with posting pictures. you can all go back to being attractive and having interesting lives.
Where have you buried the body, MeTekillot?

boog

  • Posts: 10927
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2545 on: June 10, 2011, 03:14:17 PM »
I have a question:  Why do single, young and childless people e-date?  I mean, is it a quantity thing (more people meaning more odds of finding compatibility)?

I only ever dated people I met from the internet because a) they don't judge me based on my smokin' tits and b) they can block me, or I can block them, if I end up not liking them or whatever.

I hate being hit on. I think it's just awkward. I've never met anyone who can do it right. I'd rather connect with someone mentally than physically, first. I dunno. I just dunno.
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
Kismet: didn't see you in GQ homey
BadSkeelz: Whatever you say, Kim Jong Boog
Quote from: Tuannon
There is only one boog.

EldritchOrigins

  • Posts: 391
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2546 on: June 10, 2011, 07:59:34 PM »

AmandaGreathouse

  • Posts: 3593
    • Inspiration on Tap:
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2547 on: June 10, 2011, 09:15:05 PM »
It'd be really nice to just have some friends who I knew were clean, who I didn't mind looking at, and pick from amongst them who I wished to screw around with at the moment.

Being unmerged, as it were, is enjoyable. I don't understand how desperate people get to 'find' someone.

I mean, if it's sex, you can typically find that with enough time and effort put in, and if it's companionship, you do have friends. *shrug*
Quote from: Wug
No one on staff is just waiting for the opportunity to get revenge on someone who killed one of their characters years ago.

Except me. I remember every death. And I am coming for you bastards.

boog

  • Posts: 10927
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2548 on: June 10, 2011, 09:40:31 PM »
It'd be really nice to just have some friends who I knew were clean, who I didn't mind looking at, and pick from amongst them who I wished to screw around with at the moment.

Being unmerged, as it were, is enjoyable. I don't understand how desperate people get to 'find' someone.

I mean, if it's sex, you can typically find that with enough time and effort put in, and if it's companionship, you do have friends. *shrug*

I think a lot of it is psychology. That desperate 'need' to be with someone.

Everyone, I also think, 'wants' someone to some degree. We're social creatures and need companionship.

If I liked sex, I would probably prescribe to you(r) and Samoa's thoughts about having sex until its fun and delight sort of ran out and having people that I could randomly hook up with. But uh. Yeah. I don't like sex all that much.

Also, I like my cootch to have a pert pink color and nice smell. Knowing my luck I would bonk someone with AIDs, get rotten box, and die miserable.

Random tangent complete for the day.  :-[
Case: he's more likely to shoot up a mcdonalds for selling secret obama sauce on its big macs
Kismet: didn't see you in GQ homey
BadSkeelz: Whatever you say, Kim Jong Boog
Quote from: Tuannon
There is only one boog.

Barzalene

  • Posts: 7744
Re: I went on a date..
« Reply #2549 on: June 10, 2011, 10:45:41 PM »
It's at least partly, if not largely biological.
Varak:You tell the mangy, pointy-eared gortok, in sirihish: "What, girl? You say the sorceror-king has fallen down the well?"
Ghardoan:A pitiful voice rises from the well below, "I've fallen and I can't get up..."